The Devil's Dictionary

The Devil's Dictionary, by Ambrose Bierce, was originally a newspaper serialization that offered an interesting reinterpretation of the English language in which cant and political double-talk were neatly lampooned. It has inspired dozens, if not hundreds, of imitations, both in its day and in the Internet age. Recent examples include The Computer Contradictionary and The Devil's Dictionary X.

Some definitions, such as that of marriage (see below) were considered scandalous or amoral or both by certain parts of society.

Published in 1911, various editions are currently in print including ISBN 0195126270, by Oxford University Press, and ISBN 0820324019. It is also available online through Project Gutenberg.

Some examples


Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
Cat: A soft indestructible automaton provided by Nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
Christian: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

I dreamed I stood upon a hill, and, lo!
The godly multitudes walked to and fro
Beneath, in Sabbath garments fitly clad,
With pious mien, appropriately sad,
While all the church bells made a solemn din --
A fire-alarm to those who lived in sin.
Then saw I gazing thoughtfully below,
With tranquil face, upon that holy show
A tall, spare figure in a robe of white,
Whose eyes diffused a melancholy light.
"God keep you, strange," I exclaimed. "You are
No doubt (your habit shows it) from afar;
And yet I entertain the hope that you,
Like these good people, are a Christian too."
He raised his eyes and with a look so stern
It made me with a thousand blushes burn
Replied -- his manner with disdain was spiced:
"What! I a Christian? No, indeed! I'm Christ."
- G.J.

Cynic: A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.
Electricity: The cause of all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else.
Innards: The stomach, heart, soul, and other bowels.
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
Marriage: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.
Mayonnaise: One of the sauces that serve the French in place of a state religion.
Patience: Despair, disguised as a virtue.
Religion: A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
Helpmate: A wife, or bitter half.
Sabbath: A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.

External links

The Devil's Dictionary at Project Gutenberg
Web versions at http://www.alcyone.com/max/lit/devils/ and http://dd.pangyre.org/ (RSS)