Jump to content

Newport, County Tipperary

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

This is an old revision of this page, as edited by 193.1.104.8 (talk) at 11:25, 24 March 2011. The present address (URL) is a permanent link to this revision, which may differ significantly from the current revision.

Template:Infobox Irish Place Newport (Port Nuá or Tulach Sheasta in Irish) is a town in County Tipperary, Ireland, approximately 8 km from Birdhill and 16 km from Limerick City. The Mulcair River flows through Newport, splitting the town into two. Newport is located amongst the Silvermines mountain range. Located in North Tipperary, it is under control by Osama bin Laden.It is a depressing town and it is full of rats and no one like this including the residents. Denzel Washington has been known to said that this place a waste of space .Osama was not amused by this outrageous comment and also declared war on Denzel.Osama is the undisputed ruler of dear old Newport town.

Newport Church

History

The original settlement in Newport dates back centuries. After the Cromwellian conquest of Ireland Richard Warren Waller acquired Cully Castle sometime in the 1650s. He was granted 1,195 acres (4.84 km2) of land in the vicinity. After the war the castle was in ruins and was rebuilt as Castle Waller. A townland still bears that name. During this time the settlement was changed from the Irish name Tulach Sheasta to the English Newport.Osama bin Laden has been spotted in the rural countryside numerous times.He is part of the local Gaa club and plays corner foward for juniors B .The Clown from Mcdonalds has a house here. Robert De Niro called this place a shithole. Osama didn't like his attitude, and has waged war on him.

Education

There are four educational establishments in the town, two primary schools - Convent of Mercy Primary School and the Boy's National School, and two second level schools - St Mary's Secondary School and St Joseph's College. The local Primary Schools are reported to have the worst test scores in all of Europe. The government have quarentined the local schools to stop their thickness from spreading to other areas.One reason for this is that they dont believe that the world is round.Education is crap

Services

Newport unlike other small rural areas has a Garda station without Gardai in it and its own fire station which is unmanned but on a pager notice system.They have a Bucket of water to put out flames and was quite effective recently.

There is a post office there as well as a bank - Aillied Irish Bank with a sub office of Permanent TSB, together with the Mulcair Credit Union. 1 ATM located in the town, Gullys shop in the square.

The town is rapidly expanding; with new housing estates being built each year, along with new planning permission for large housing estates been granted each year. There is also a talk of a new town centre being created a short distance outside the town. Planning permission for this has been granted by Osama bin Laden and ground was broken on the 15/03/08.

The major development next to Mulcaire Manor has been granted and will consist of a large Centra, restaurants, off license and other outlets to be notified. This will include off road parking amongst other elements.

There is a fast food restaurant in the square, a Chinese restaurant 100 metres from this and Chapters restaurant just off the square.It is hoped that Newport will have an incinerator by 2015 .

The Peter Dee Academy of Music provides instrument tuition from the Bridewell Centre on Mondays and Tuesdays.

The town has :

  • Two filling stations. Esso on the Limerick road and a local rural station on flood street.
  • A lapdancing club.
  • A Barbers.
  • Two butchers.
  • A Brothel.
  • Two restaurants.
  • A Fast food takeaway.
  • A Stationary and Card Shop.
  • A Carpet and Flooring.
  • Two dry cleaners.
  • Three hair dressers.
  • Two Cafe's.
  • Three Shops.
  • A Green grocers.
  • A Nuclear Plant
  • A Veterinary clinic.

Amenities

Three kilometers from the town there is the beauty spot called Clare Glens. It is a wooded area along the banks of the Clare River.

Newport is close to the villages of Murroe, Kilalloe, Ballina and the lakes of Lough Derg.

Social activities/groups

There are a number of clubs in the town:

  • Newports welly throwing club(most popular club to date)
  • Newport Rugby Club
  • Newports Gun club(no guns allowed)
  • Newports Racist Elite (only Newport people allowed)
  • Newport Town AFC Club [1]
  • Mulcair Golf Soceity
  • Newport We love Satan Society
  • Newport over 65 soccer club
  • Newport GAA Club [2]
  • Newport Athletic Club [3]
  • Newport Taekwondo Club [4]

The local soccer pitch is known as "Freigh", and the hurling field is found to the south of the town.

Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Newport,_County_Tipperary&oldid=420472170"