Talk:Rex Ryan/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Resolute (talk • contribs • count) 18:57, 5 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

General

Images are good, though I am amused the same picture is used twice.
Ironically, all of the webcite links appear to be broken. Their ESPN originals are all still live, however. Not sure how you would fix that
Per their site, webcitation is down due to hardware issues, though since the originals are up I could remove the archives. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear}
No worries. The originals are still linked, and if Webcitation will come back, no harm leaving it as is. Reso lute 22:41, 6 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
References themselves are good
Good on MOS
No issues with close paraphrasing, OR, NPOV
Just a thought: perhaps the Coaching philosophy section should be a level 2 header, with the strategy as a level 3 below it? It seems to transcend his NFL career.

Lead

Need to note the abbreviation NFL after first use of National Football League

Early life

"Their mother, Doris, decided it was in the best interest of the brothers to send them to live with their father, who was the defensive line coach for the Minnesota Vikings at the time, in the United States." - Awkward sentence with a lot of odd pauses. You've already introduced Doris as being his mother, so there is no need to re-state this fact. Additionally, it stands to reason that if their father works in Minnesota, she sent them to the United States. Perhaps "Doris decided it was in the best interest of the brothers to send them to live with their father, who was the defensive line coach for the Minnesota Vikings at the time."

Coaching career

"Ryan served as defensive coordinator at Kansas State where he served under legendary head coach Bill Snyder for a month in 1999.[12]" - Can you reword a bit to remove one of the uses of "served"? Also, why did Ryan only coach under Snyder for a month? Did Ryan only last a month at the school (and if so, why), or did Snyder only last one month?
The end of the college and beginning of the NFL sections bounce around a lot. You note that Ryan goes from college, to the Arizona Cardinals, then back to college for three schools. Then the NFL section goes back to Arizona and is followed by a rehash of the fact that he went back to coach at three colleges.
"Ryan received a call from newly named head coach Brian Billick of the Baltimore Ravens who wanted to interview Ryan for the defensive line coaching job in Baltimore.[15] Having visited a classroom Ryan was teaching earlier in his career, Billick had been so impressed by Ryan's passion for the game of football that he decided to hire Ryan if he ever attained a head coaching position.[15] When offered the position, Ryan accepted.[15]" - I am impressed you managed to use "Ryan" six times in such close succession. ;)
"In Ryan's final year with the team, the defense was ranked second overall in the NFL." - You have noted that Ryan was re-hired by Baltimore in 2007, but with no indication of how much time has passed since, I have no idea when his final year with the Ravens was at this point.
"The Ravens lost by nine points in the AFC Championship Game against the Pittsburgh Steelers thus ending Ryan's ten year tenure with the team during which the defense never ranked lower than sixth overall in the NFL." - The wording implies that the playoff loss is what led directly to Ryan leaving Baltimore.

New York Jets

"The team interviewed a host of candidates however, the contract, which was valued at approximately $11.5 million over the course of four years, was ultimately offered to Ryan about an hour following Baltimore's loss to the Steelers in the AFC Championship." - For my own education, was Ryan among those interviewed by the Jets, or did they simply offer him the contract?
Not a nitpick, but 1. How the hell does a team end up with 0 passing yards, and 2. How is that not a bigger story in the ESPN article? My CFL-wired brain just cannot figure that one out!
"However, the Jets rebounded to finish 11–5 and qualify as a wild card team in the playoffs." - Small nitpick, not necessarily requiring a change, but going 2-2 in your final four games after a big loss doesn't seem like much of a "rebound".
"Additionally, the franchise won eleven games, one win short of tying the franchise record set by the 1998 team led by Bill Parcells." - Can you reword to eliminate the duplicate use of "franchise"?

Controversies

The foot-fetish video thing seems more of a personal life factoid, so it feels remarkably out of place in the middle of his football career. Given how thin the section is, I wonder if it would be better to move the football controversies into the body of his football career, and the family one into his personal life section?
Page 2 of ref 2 (the huge New York Times article) says that Ryan's middle-finger salute was in response to being spat upon by a fan. I think that is worth noting, as it explains his action. In fact, that article would make a good basis to describe Ryan's personality, which might help flesh out his personal life section. (And totally unrelated, don't you just love it when you set out to write about a person, and you come across a huge, omnibus article like that!?)

Defensive strategy

"This method has been criticized by ESPN's John Clayton who has found the method to be ineffective league-wide." - again, a slight re-word to remove a duplicate use of "method" would be beneficial

Personal life

The section opens using his first name, then switches to his last throughout. Given his brother is not mentioned, probably cleaner to just use "Ryan" throughout.
Given how small the section is overall, is there value to two subsections here? It breaks the section apart a little too much.
Is it known if Ryan received a degree or diploma from Southwestern Oklahoma State when he attended that school?

Overall

Looking really good. Mostly just nitpicks and minor wording issues. Should be easy enough to resolve, thus I am placing the article on hold. Cheers! Reso lute 18:57, 5 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I appreciate your review and would welcome any additional feedback you may have! In regards to his switching around between college and the NFL, I felt it was necessary so the reader is not left to wonder where these time gaps are in their respective sections. I'd be happy to make changes if there are any ideas/suggestions. Thanks again! -- The Writer 2.0 ^Talk 20:15, 8 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Have to admit, I'm not sure how to change it. However, everything else seems to be addressed. As such, I am listing the article. Congrats! Reso lute 01:44, 10 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Much appreciated. Thank you for your review! -- The Writer 2.0 ^Talk 03:26, 10 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]