Back-up partner
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A back-up partner, standby lover, or spare-tire lover is a person anticipated as a potential future romantic partner in the event of the failure or unforeseen ending of one's current relationship. The main purpose of maintaining a back-up partner is to avoid ending up alone and heartbroken if one is dumped or breaks up with their current lover.
It has been suggested that having a back-up partner in mind is becoming more common[1],[when?] because people instinctively tend to retain the possibility of various choices, and they would like to prepare for a second choice subconsciously. The term "spare-tire lover" (爱情备胎),[2] has become popular on the Internet in China.
A 2014 survey suggested that more than half of women[where?] are in contact with a person they consider to be a "back-up husband" or "back-up boyfriend",[3] and married women are more likely have such a person in their life.[4] Another study from that year found that Facebook users in relationships often used the site to maintain platonic friendships which they felt could become replacement relationships if required, with men having such contacts at roughly twice the rate of women.[5]
Social context
Many people experience anxiety from being alone, some have linked this to the fact that being single is "the ultimate reproductive bummer."[6] A back-up lover can be seen as "love insurance" to ease the worries and stresses of reproductive burdens, especially for women.[citation needed] An unstable current relationship may lead people to seek back-up lovers,[6] particularly long-distance relationships.[7] Some people gain personal confidence from having a back-up lover, appreciating the fact that they are being admired sincerely by more than one person.[8]
According to a 2011 RENN (a social network site inside China) survey of 92 students from across China, 34.8% of them could accept the existence of[clarification needed] a back-up partner, while 33.7% of them were opposed to it. 20.7% choose to reserve their judgment and the remaining 10.9% said that they were unfamiliar with the term.[9]
Joshua Duntley, an assistant professor of psychology at Stockton University in New Jersey, contends that people in relationships who lack backup mates are more prone to depression, and that this is especially the case with women.[6] Having a back-up relationship may help a person maintain a more placid attitude to their current partner.
Back-up partners run the risk of seeing themselves as perennial back-ups in many walks of life, and may lose the opportunity to pursue their own Plan A.[6]
References
- ^ Kirkova, Deni. "HALFwomen fall partner standby fancied case current relationship turns sour". Dailymail.co.uk. Mail Online. Retrieved 5 May 2015.
- ^ [1]，"爱情备胎"成校园男女减压阀 不愿一棵树上吊死.
- ^ Do you have a back up partner waiting on the sidelines?
- ^ [2], HALF of women have a fall-back partner on standby who has always fancied them, in case their current relationship turns sour.
- ^ http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2014/10/03/back-up-husbands-emotional-affairs-and-the-rise-of-digital-infidelity/
- ^ a b c d [3] Neanderthink: Love's Plan B
- ^ [4] 校园备胎族：感情的不忠还是安全感的缺失
- ^ [5] reasons women have backup lovers
- ^ [6], 你会为爱情备胎吗？为爱情备胎有错吗？