Talk:Robot Jox/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Carbrera (talk · contribs) 04:20, 31 March 2016 (UTC)
Hello, I am Carbrera, and I'll be reviewing this article for possible good article submission.
Full review coming very soon. Carbrera (talk) 04:20, 31 March 2016 (UTC)
Infobox
- Looks very good! I usually have to say something but it's good!
Lead
Paragraph 1
- Omit "mechanical" before "machines"; it is redundant.
- Insert a comma after "dystopian".
Paragraph 2
- Insert a comma before and after "Charles Band".
- Omit "more" before "recently"; it is unnecessary.
- Look at "influenced elements of popular culture" because I'm not sure what you're getting at by that; try to be clearer.
Plot
Paragraph 1
- Insert a comma before and after "Alexander (Paul Koslo)".
Paragraph 2
- Insert a comma after "Market jock".
- Insert a comma before and after ""Doc" Matsumoto (Danny Kamekona)"
- Insert a comma after "strategist".
- Insert a comma after "fight with Alexander".
Paragraph 3
- Insert a comma before and after "in fact".
- Replace "He accuses Conway of being a spy" with "He accuses Conway of being the spy".
Paragraph 4
- Insert a comma after "overpowers Athena and".
- Replace "referees' float platform" with "referees' floating platform"? If that's what you mean by float platform?
Production
Paragraph 1
- Insert a comma before and after "Stuart Gordon".
Paragraph 2
- Insert a comma before and after "Charles Band".
- Does this section need more sources?
- Insert a comma after "special effects artist".
Paragraph 3
- Insert a comma before and after "Joe Halderman".
- Spell out "one and a half" rather than having the numbers.
Paragraph 5
- Insert a comma before and after "along with Ron Cobb".
- Insert "the" in-between "at" and "El Mirage".
Release
Paragraph 1
- Insert a comma after "science fiction author".
- Insert a comma after "was published that year)".
- Insert a comma before and after "Gardner Dozois".
Soundtrack
Paragraph 1
- The infobox is a bit bare; you could add any producers, recorded times, etc.
- Replace "composed the music the 1989" with "composed the music for the 1989".
- Isn't a track listing available that you could put in here; that would be pretty major for this article, don't you think?
Home media
Paragraph 1
- Replace "to avoid the" with "to avoid a".
Paragraph 2
- Insert a comma before and after "Stuart Gordon".
- Insert a comma after "featurettes".
Later response
Paragraph 1
- Insert a comma before and after "Trent Reznor".
- Insert a comma after "The Becoming".
- Insert a comma after "Nine Inch Nails album".
- Insert a comma before and after "BMFcast".
- Insert a comma before and after "Robert Simons".
- Insert a comma before and after "Michael Monterastelli".
Paragraph 2
- Insert a comma before and after "Mark Savlov".
- Insert a comma before and after "Alex Fitch".
Paragraph 3
- Insert a comma before and after "Claire Suddath".
Notes
Paragraph 1
- Insert a comma before and after "Stuart Gordon".
References
- Please double check and make sure that all references don't link to a Wiki article more than once; thank you
End of GA Review:
A pretty strong article with some minor changes that need to be made. I'll put it on hold for seven days; thank you! Carbrera (talk) 04:40, 10 April 2016 (UTC)
Some responses: I have made many of the changes you recommended; they made perfect sense. There were a few, however, that I had trouble understanding:
- Insert a comma before and after "Charles Band".
- Insert a comma before and after "Alexander (Paul Koslo)".
- Insert a comma after "Market jock".
- Insert a comma before and after ""Doc" Matsumoto (Danny Kamekona)"
- Insert a comma after "strategist".
- Insert a comma before and after "Stuart Gordon".
- Insert a comma before and after "Charles Band".
- Insert a comma after "special effects artist".
- others, etc.
If these names name were interjections, using commas here would be a no-brainer. So if it said "After the film's producer, Charles Band, approved..." it would be fine. As it is, however, these are similar to what you might hear on the intro to a making-of featurette you might find on a DVD: "when producer Steven Spielberg approached director Tobe Hooper to direct the film...". This isn't an interjection but rather a profession that goes with the title listed. Of course, if something exists in the MOS here that I'm unaware of, I'd be happy to change it, but one wouldn't naturally pause in these situations. Is there something I'm missing?
- Insert a comma after "fight with Alexander".
I don't know if I understand. This is the final phrase in the sentence.
- Does this section need more sources?
I highly doubt any more exist, outside of the blog echo-chamber (many of which are citing this article). I've tried to reference more easily accessible sources whenever possible, but sometimes all that was available with this information were a few magazine and newspaper articles.
- Spell out "one and a half" rather than having the numbers.
If this must be spelled out, then it must be hyphenated all the way through. I don't see it in the WP:MOS, but the Chicago MOS makes this clear.
- Insert "the" in-between "at" and "El Mirage".
This would be redundant, as "El" means "the" in Spanish.
- Regarding the soundtrack infobox: Give me a couple of days on this. I'll work on it.