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Ghosting (behavior)

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Ghosting is breaking off a relationship (often an intimate relationship) by ceasing all communication and contact with the former partner without any apparent warning or justification, as well as ignoring the former partner’s attempts to reach out or communicate. The term originated in 2011. In that decade, media reported a rise in ghosting, which has been attributed to increasing use of social media and online dating apps.

Origin of term

The term is attested since at least 2011, in the context of online exchanges,[1] and became popular by 2015 through numerous articles on high-profile celebrity relationship dissolutions,[2][3] and went on to be widely used. It has been the subject of numerous articles[4] and discussions[5] on dating and relationships in various media. It was included in the Collins English Dictionary in 2015.[6]

Even though popularity of the term grew rapidly around 2011-2014, the first observed use in the correct context is on “Figaro”, track 14 of Madvillainy, the collaborative album between Madlib & MF DOOM[7].

In personal relationships

Ghosting may be especially hurtful for those on the receiving end, causing feelings of ostracism and rejection[8]. Some mental health professionals consider ghosting to be a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse, a type of silent treatment or stonewalling behaviour, and emotional cruelty.[8]

In his article, "In Defense of Ghosting", Alexander Abad-Sabos states: "the thing that undermines these diatribes against ghosting is that...[we] know what happened with their ghost. It just didn't work out and sometimes we just can't accept it." [9] He continues: "[a]t the heart of it, ghosting is as clear as any other form of rejection. The reason we complain about it is because we wanted a different outcome ... which is totally understandable."[10] However, this argument does not account for the inherent ambiguity in ghosting - the person being ghosted does not know whether they're being rejected, whether the person is just extremely busy, if the person started dating someone else and wanted to cut off communication with other interests, or if the person is waiting to see if something works out with someone else but trying to keep the person as an option if the other person doesn't work out. Due to the frequency of these actions, it becomes impossible to tell which it is, making it especially frustrating and stressful. [11]

In her article, "Why Ghosting Is a Form of Self-Protection for Women", Emily Kellogg' states that after she tried to break up in person with a man, he kept sending her invites, which she kept declining; eventually she "just didn’t text him back". She explains: "...it can feel like the safer option for women dealing with men who won’t take 'no' for an answer", who make "...us feel unsafe by crossing our boundaries or refusing to accept our rejection". [12] Kellogg advises: "...until women can safely exercise their autonomy and communicate with men without fear of violent retaliation, we’ll have to keep doing whatever we can to keep ourselves and others safe—and yes, sometimes that means ghosting."[13] [14] [15]

Ghosting appears to be becoming more common.[16][17] Various explanations have been suggested, but social media is often blamed,[18] as are dating apps and the relative anonymity and isolation in modern-day dating and hookup culture, which make it easier to behave poorly with few social repercussions.[19] In addition, the more commonplace the behaviour becomes, the more individuals can become desensitised to it.[8] Others have suggested that it is due to the decline of empathy in society, along with the promotion of a more selfish, narcissistic culture.[20]

Ghosting is not limited to only intimate relationship contexts. It can also happen between friends or even family members,[21] and be practiced by employers with prospective candidates.

While "ghosting" refers to "disappearing from a special someone’s life mysteriously and without explanation"[22], numerous similar behaviors have been identified, that include various degrees of continued connection with a target.[23][24][25] For example, Marleying is "when an ex gets in touch with you at Christmas out of nowhere"; and “Caspering” is a "friendly alternative to ghosting. Instead of ignoring someone, you’re honest about how you feel, and let them down gently before disappearing from their lives."[26]

One possible response to ghosting is "ghostbusting": forcing the "ghoster" to reply.[27]

See also

References

  1. ^ "Don't be offended by online-dating rejection". Netiquette. CNN. April 14, 2011. {{cite news}}: Cite uses deprecated parameter |authors= (help)
  2. ^ Edwards, Stassa. "Charlize Theron Broke Up With Sean Penn By Ghosting Him". Jezebel. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  3. ^ "Charlize Theron Gets a Black Belt in Ghosting". The Cut. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  4. ^ "The Common 21st-Century Dating Problem No One Knows How To Deal With". The Huffington Post. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  5. ^ Safronova, Valeriya (2015-06-26). "Exes Explain Ghosting, the Ultimate Silent Treatment". The New York Times. ISSN 0362-4331. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  6. ^ "'Ghosting' is now in the dictionary - so is dating etiquette dead?". The Independent. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  7. ^ "MF Doom", Wikipedia, 2019-02-20, retrieved 2019-02-26
  8. ^ a b c "Why Ghosting Hurts So Much". Psychology Today. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  9. ^ Abad-Sabos, Alexander (24 March 2014). "In Defense of Ghosting". The Atlantic. Retrieved 9 June 2018.
  10. ^ Abad-Sabos, Alexander (24 March 2014). "In Defense of Ghosting". The Atlantic. Retrieved 9 June 2018.
  11. ^ "Why Ghosting Hurts So Much". Psychology Today. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  12. ^ Kellogg, Emily (30 May 2018). "Why Ghosting Is a Form of Self-Protection for Women With the rise of the incel movement, saying "no" can be more dangerous than saying nothing at all". Flare. Retrieved 9 June 2018. We all know about "ghosting," a popular (and controversial) breakup tactic where one party suddenly ceases communication with the other. There's no question that this can be a hurtful way to end a relationship. But something that's been missed in the cultural conversation about ghosting is that it can feel like the safer option for women dealing with men who won't take "no" for an answer. Sometimes, we have to trust our instincts: if someone has made us feel unsafe by crossing our boundaries or refusing to accept our rejections, ghosting is our only choice.
  13. ^ Kellogg, Emily (30 May 2018). "Why Ghosting Is a Form of Self-Protection for Women With the rise of the incel movement, saying "no" can be more dangerous than saying nothing at all". =Flare. Retrieved 9 June 2018. We all know about "ghosting," a popular (and controversial) breakup tactic where one party suddenly ceases communication with the other. There's no question that this can be a hurtful way to end a relationship. But something that's been missed in the cultural conversation about ghosting is that it can feel like the safer option for women dealing with men who won't take "no" for an answer. Sometimes, we have to trust our instincts: if someone has made us feel unsafe by crossing our boundaries or refusing to accept our rejections, ghosting is our only choice.{{cite web}}: CS1 maint: extra punctuation (link)
  14. ^ "Communicator Age and Sex Role Orientation Differences in Preferred Relationship Termination Strategies" (PDF). files.eric.ed.gov. Retrieved 2018-09-10.
  15. ^ "The Psychology of Ghosting". Huffington Post. Retrieved 2018-09-10.
  16. ^ Perel, Esther (2015). Stable Ambiguity and the Rise of Ghosting, Icing and Simmering.
  17. ^ "I Asked Men Why They Ghosted Me". VICE. United States. Retrieved 2016-02-03. {{cite web}}: Cite has empty unknown parameter: |1= (help)
  18. ^ "PsycNET - DOI Landing page". doi.org. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  19. ^ "And Then I Never Heard From Him Again: The Awful Rise of Ghosting". The Date Report. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  20. ^ "It's time to bring back relationship accountability". Be Lucky In Love. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  21. ^ "I Was Ghosted by One of My Closest Friends". Cosmopolitan. 2015-08-27. Retrieved 2016-02-03.
  22. ^ Peters, Mark. "How Tinder and OKCupid spawned a new genre of slang". Boston Globe. {{cite news}}: Cite has empty unknown parameter: |1= (help)
  23. ^ Lanquist, Lindsey (September 29, 2017). "Breadcrumbing, Stashing, and Other Internet Dating Slang I Wish You Didn't Need to Know". Self.
  24. ^ Swantek, Samantha. "Breadcrumbing Is the New Ghosting and It's Savage AF". Cosmopolitan.
  25. ^ Alves, Glynda (May 15, 2018). "Breadcrumbing, orbiting and more: Update your dating dictionary with these new-age terms". Economic Times. India.
  26. ^ Benwell, Max (1 March 2018). "Ghosting, Caspering and six new dating terms you've never heard of". The Guardian. Retrieved 9 June 2018.
  27. ^ Benwell, Max (1 March 2018). "Ghosting, Caspering and six new dating terms you've never heard of". The Guardian. Retrieved 9 June 2018.
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