Lorenzo von Matterhorn

Lorenzo von Matterhorn is a fictional character developed on the CBS sitcom How I Met Your Mother by the character Barney Stinson played by Neil Patrick Harris. The character developed as a ploy used by Barney in an effort to seduce a woman in keeping with the character of the show.

For a short time between October 21 and the airing of the episode on November 16, Wikipedia carried an entry for Lorenzo von Matterhorn. The entry was deleted upon discovery of the fact that the article was part of an elaborate show-related online hoax. The hoax involved at least three websites apart from Wikipedia each depicting a different aspect of the fictitious character.

Contents of the Original Hoax Page

Lorenzo von Matterhorn

Lorenzo Von Matterhorn was born somewhere in Switzerland in the spring of 1974. The exact date and circumstances of his birth are unknown since he was immediately placed in a basket and tossed in a river. Young Lorenzo rode the pristine Alpine glacial melt waters for hundreds of miles until a young Milanese woman discovered the basket along the banks of the river Po. Some say it was this first early journey to Milan that fueled both his love of exploration and fashion. The woman would raise Lorenzo as her own, naming him Lorenzo after her father and giving him the surname Von Matterhorn to reflect his Swiss heritage as well as his uncommonly large penis.

External links

A feature article BigBusinessJournal about von Matterhorn's business interests. Dog Stevens on myspace featuring von Matterhorn's dog choir. The Balloon Explorers Club revealing that von Matterhorn is actually a bad ass. Extremities Quarterly - featured member and his battle with Phallumegaly.

VMIIUGI

Von Matterhorn Industries International Unlimited Global Inc. Lorenzo Von Matterhorn, accomplished Jai Alai champion and beloved opera singer, founded VMIIUGI in 1997, with one simple mission statement: to apply the values of synergy and human capital to business ventures and other fiduciary instruments as guidelines of the building blocks of corporate foundation as per ventures incorporated and such as.

Now a huge multi-national corporation, VMIIUGI is so big it’s like maybe Von Matterhorn is a bad guy from a James Bond movie, except he’s totally sweet and all of his body parts work normally. (Some of them above average. What up.) But he’s not a bad guy. I mean, he’s a little bad, drives a motorcycle, that kind of thing, but just the right amount of bad where he’s not boring and maybe the right girl could turn him into a real catch. Boyfriend material, if we’re being honest. But she’d have to be something really special. Like 36C at least.

Von Matterhorn is an industry leader in the manufacture of cute shoes, walk-in closets, chocolate, ponies, chocolate ponies, and female orgasms.

Musical Philanthropy

Shortly after his family moved to New York City in the late 70’s, Lorenzo began rescuing stray puppies and other cute animals. As someone who had been abandoned himself, Lorenzo recognized both the pain of loneliness as well as the power of hope. One evening, while nursing a particularly cute Cocker Spaniel back to health, Lorenzo noticed the rest of his brood howling in unison. Curious as to their abilities, he spent the next several months developing their voices and then entered them as a musical act in a local festival under the name DOG STEVENS. They took first place, and went on to become one of the most successful animal musical acts since The Beatles.

Battle with Phallumegaly

At an early age, Lorenzo was diagnosed with phallumegaly, or bigness of penis disorder. As a result of his illness Lorenzo’s sense of balance frequently shifts, causing short-term memory loss. Lorenzo has been known to walk away from situations and not call again, and shouldn’t be held accountable when he does. Tired of ordering custom underwear and furniture, Lorenzo has pursued penis reduction surgery a number of times only to be told it’s too risky.

Ballooning

While financing a scientific study on cloud-seeding to alleviate drought in various poor countries, Lorenzo fell in love… with ballooning. He has now ballooned across every continent and hopes to balloon around the world for charity.

RECORD HOLDER	RECORD	RECORD DATE
Lorenzo Von Matterhorn	Awesomest flight	Forthcoming...
Jean-François Pilâtre de Rozier and François Laurent d'Arlandes	First flight	November 21, 1783
Malcolm D. Ross	Highest flight	May 4, 1961
Per Lindstrand and Richard Branson	First Pacific Crossing	January 15, 1991
Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones	Longest flight	March 21, 1999
Lorenzo Von Matterhorn	Longest Penis	Eternity
Steve Fossett	First Solo Around the World	February 21, 1995

Related links

• Balloon Explorers Club
• Big Business Journal
• Dog Stevens MySpace Page
• Extremities Quarterly