Talk:John C. Young (pastor)/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: An anonymous username, not my real name (talk · contribs) 02:57, 2 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this article. --An anonymous username, not my real name (talk) 02:57, 2 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

It looks very good already. No issues with the intro, and few throughout the body. All I would suggest:

If you can find his grandfather's name, it wouldn't hurt to provide it.
John Borland is mentioned, but his significance (besides educating Young) is never explained.
"Young's uncle, Matthew St. Clair Clarke, a practicing lawyer and seven-term U.S. House Clerk, offered to mentor him in a law-based profession, but he declined and decided to follow his father into the ministry," This sentence ends with a comma.
"Young would eventually transfer..." A little awkward; it's probably best to put it in simple past tense.
"In 1825, Young enrolled at Princeton Theological Seminary, where he would spend three years studying theology and tutoring students at the College of New Jersey (now Princeton University)." Again, simple past tense would be better.
"...which had graduated just 25 students over the course of its eleven-year history." Ref 6 says 24.
- I didn't realize it but I guess sources disagree; I've put "24 or 25 students" with one ref for each of those numbers at the end of the sentence. Is that an alright fix? PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 02:16, 3 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"Young's primary duty as president was raising funds which the college desperately needed; early in his presidency, he went to New York and Philadelphia in an attempt to do so." The part after the semicolon feels clunky. Also his efforts in Philadelphia are not mentioned further.
- I've split this into two sentences and removed Philly since the sources I found only elaborate on NYC, not Philly. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 02:16, 3 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"In New York, he was successful, raising $6,000..." The first comma should probably be left out.
"...all 'taught within a Christian framework.'" Do any of your sources elaborate on his "Christian framework"?
- This comes from my offline source, the direct quote is as follows: "The faculty taught the young men of Centre College the same thing that college students would learn through most of the 19th century: the Greek and Latin classics, mathematics, some natural science, and a bit of history, all within a Christian framework." The "Christian framework" itself is not elaborated upon - I can try to expand upon this sentence by mentioning the college's affiliation with PCUSA if you think that would be helpful. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 02:16, 3 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]
"Centre also graduated a fair proportion of its first notable alumni..." Given what the last sentence was about, "also" doesn't feel right.
"...the class of 1855 alone consisted of John Y. Brown, Thomas Theodore Crittenden, Boyd Winchester, and William Campbell Preston Breckinridge, among others." If the others are notable, list them. If not, then perhaps reword it as "...the class of 1855 alone included John Y. Brown, Thomas Theodore Crittenden, Boyd Winchester, and William Campbell Preston Breckinridge."
Speaking of which, maybe name some notable graduates from other years (without getting too trivial, obviously).
"The couple had four children, all daughters, between 1831 and 1837." Maybe just "four daughters"?
"Several aspects of life at Centre College still bear Young's name." Perhaps reword as "Several aspects of Centre College are named in honor of Young."

That's my complete review. Good luck! --An anonymous username, not my real name (talk) 00:25, 3 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

An anonymous username, not my real name, as far as I can tell, I have addressed everything I can. A few comments above for one or two things that I couldn't quite do exactly. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 02:16, 3 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

It looks excellent now, and the parts you've commented on are fine as they are. I've passed it. --An anonymous username, not my real name (talk) 02:55, 3 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]

An anonymous username, not my real name, thank you very much! I appreciate the speedy review. PCN02WPS (talk | contribs) 03:04, 3 March 2022 (UTC)[reply]