"I Just Can't Be Happy Today" is a song by The Damned from their 1979 album, Machine Gun Etiquette. Released as a single in November, it peaked at number 46 in the UK Singles Chart.
The single was heavily edited for radio airplay, removing the spoken word monologue, though the version on the record is unaltered. The first track on the B-side, a cover of Sweet's "Ballroom Blitz", was recorded with Lemmy of Motörhead fame on bass guitar. "Turkey Song" was not credited on the sleeve.