Talk:Dick in a Box/GA2
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 03:12, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
Lead and infobox[edit]
- From my understanding, it should the Lonely Island not The Lonely Island. I know there is a policy for this, but I honestly cannot remember it at the moment.
- I am uncertain about this wording,
their penises wrapped in boxes
, specifically thewrapped
part as their penises are not really wrapped in anything. I would remove that word to just say their penises in boxes since they are just inserting themselves into the box.
- For this part,
More than two years later, the song was released digitally as a single
, is there a reason why the specific number of years is not given?
- I would link viral video in this part,
a viral hit on the internet
, to be consistent with the article, which has the link.
- I am not sure if it is encourage to put the music video link in the infobox and the "External links" section.
Background[edit]
- I have two questions about this part,
Despite having no prior acting or comedy experience
, Timberlake subsequently appeared as both host and musical guest. Is it a requirement for a SNL host to have acting or comedy experience? From my understanding, there have been hosts that have neither. Also, wouldn't Timberlake's time on The Mickey Mouse Club or his performance in the 2000 film Model Behavior contradict this statement since they show that he did have some acting experience prior to this 2003 episode?
Writing and recording[edit]
- For the images, I would add to the caption when the photos were taken to provide a fuller context for readers. It would be helpful to know if these photos were taken around the time of the song's release or if they were taken years later.
- The microphone link seems a tad excessive as I imagine most readers are at least familiar with a microphone.
- I would avoid starting two sentences in a row with Asa as it is a tad repetitive. This is near the end of the third paragraph.
Music video[edit]
- For the images, I would add to the caption when the photos were taken to provide a fuller context for readers. It would be helpful to know if these photos were taken around the time of the music video's filming and release or if they were taken years later.
- Since music video is linked in the lead, it should be linked here as well.
- The wigs, beards, fireplace. sunglasses, diamond rings, basketball hoop, and crotch links are not necessary, and I would encourage you to remove them.
- For this part,
backstage at the CMAs
, I would use the award show's full title (i.e. Country Music Association Awards).
I will continue my review later this week. Apologies for doing this review in a more piecemeal fashion. I just want to make sure I do a thorough job reading through the article. One more quick question. Have you checked through Google Scholar to see if there was any academic coverage on this song? I did a brief look, and this one, The Lonely Island’s “SNL Digital Short” as Music Video Parody: Building on Saturday Night Live’s Legacy, seems promising. I was just curious if you have checked for these types of sources? Anyway, I still very much enjoy this song in all of its silliness. Feel free to address my comments now if you would like to do so. I hope you are having a wonderful week! Aoba47 (talk) 03:12, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
Thank you (once again) for taking the time to review another article of mine. I did a quick search on GS upon your recommendation and it seems like your result is the only one that directly mentions the song. I'll try to add something to the article as soon as possible. Please take as much time as you need. Damian Vo (talk) 07:47, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
- Thank you for your responses. That makes sense. I did a deeper search through GS and I only found the one article I posted above. I will post more of my review later tonight. The article is very well-written so I do not have too much to comment about. I should get through all of the prose, and over the weekend, I will do a deeper dive in the citations. Have a great rest of your week! Aoba47 (talk) 17:36, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
Composition[edit]
- This section has a lot of great information, but I would vary the sentence structure as it comes across like a list since a majority of the sentences are "X critic says Y", which makes the prose less engaging than it could be.
Premise and themes[edit]
- For the image caption, I would include when the photo was taken. Also, I am not certain if you need to include the director's name.
- Unlink popcorn as I believe most readers are familiar with this item.
- While I like this quote,
"two lotharios who pull the old Diner trick"
, it feels rather repetitive since the prose had already established the Diner connection so I am not sure it really adds anything of value for readers.
- I would specify what you mean by
recent
in this part,Heffernan also linked the content to Timberlake's recent public image
.
Release[edit]
- For the image caption, I would include when the photo was taken.
- I do not think this transition,
More than two years later
, is needed since later on in the same sentence, you provide the exact date that the album was released.
Public reaction[edit]
- I think this part,
a 5.3/13 Nielsen rating/share in the 18–49 demographic
, could be confusing for a reader unfamiliar with television ratings. One of the Boys includes a very helpful note for how to better read and understand rating/share (households) so I would incorporate that information here somehow to help unfamiliar readers.
- I have a question about this sentence:
One viewer called "Dick in a Box" a "profane attempt at humor... not funny and beyond vulgar".
What makes this viewer's opinion notable enough to include in this article?
Critical reception[edit]
- For the image caption, I would include when the photo was taken.
- This is more of a clarification question, but how have you structured the first two paragraphs? I was just curious about your approach for this part.
- My intention was to simply split the reviews into 2 paragraphs and save the ranks/lists at the end of the 2nd. Damian Vo (talk) 17:47, 25 November 2021 (UTC)
- Were there any negative reviews for the song?
- I mentioned the complaints from Annie Wu and Palmer about the censored version in the review section. Most of the mixed reviews are often about the episode as a whole rather than the sketch. Damian Vo (talk) 17:47, 25 November 2021 (UTC)
- The citation placement in this part,
Carroll, Matt Dentler of IndieWire, and a writer from Rap-Up
, hinders readability in my opinion.
Live performances and usage in media[edit]
- I would name Ellen DeGeneres in this part,
she performed a jingle for AQUA2GO water drink boxes
, to avoid a potential easter egg. I get that you do not want to repeat her name since the show's full title is also in the same sentence, but I would use her name to avoid any confusion that someone else did this on her show (as she does have celebrity guest, etc.)
Impact[edit]
- This section looks good to me. I do not have any comments for this part.
I hope my comments are helpful. Take as much time as you need to address everything. I hope you are doing well and staying safe! Aoba47 (talk) 18:57, 24 November 2021 (UTC)
Citations[edit]
- In some citations for the "Footnotes" section, Saturday Night Live is presented in italics in the title, but in other instances in the same section, it is not presented in italics. I would be consistent with one way or the other.
- In the "Footnotes" section, I would put the page number (if available) alongside the last name and year to give a more complete citations. For instance, I would format citation 80 as Lipschultz 2008, pp. 176–178.
- In the "Media notes" section, Universal Republic is only linked on its first instance yet NBC is linked for each instance. I would be consistent with one way or the other. I would go with only linking on the first instance to be consistent with how linking is handled in the "Footnotes" section.
- The first citation in the "Print sources" section was published by Crown Publishing Group so I would include the wikilink for that.
- For the Spin citation in the "Print sources" section, I would include the publication company as you have done for Billboard as it would be best to be consistent with the formatting.
- I do not think it is really required for anything, but I would put the categories on the bottom of the page in alphabetical order. I think it just looks nicer that way, and it would help readers more easily navigate that part of the article.
This should be the end of my review. Once everything has been addressed, I will be more than happy to promote the article as a GA. Reading this article gave me so much nostalgia and who would have guessed that I'd feel bittersweet about a song like this? lol. Anyway, great work with it, and have a great week! Aoba47 (talk) 03:59, 25 November 2021 (UTC)
- I think I resolved all of your comments above. DIAB was the first SNL sketch that I remembered watching with an open mouth as an Asian teenager; still can't believe it was released more than a decade ago. Thank you for your patience and dedication towards this article–a lot of these issues are wording errors and silly mistakes that I could have avoided based on your earlier reviews 😭 My mind is a bit lagging due to my tight schedule at school but I'll try my best to address the issues ASAP. I hope you're enjoying the Wikibreak and staying safe. Damian Vo (talk) 17:47, 25 November 2021 (UTC)