Talk:Far Away (Ayumi Hamasaki song)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Carbrera (talk · contribs) 23:28, 1 April 2016 (UTC)

Hello, I am Carbrera, and I'll be reviewing this article for possible good article submission.

Full review coming very soon. Carbrera (talk) 23:28, 1 April 2016 (UTC)

Infobox

• You could/should provide a link to "Ayumi Hamasaki" where it says "Artist = ..." as you did on the article for "Seasons"; other than that the infobox is good

Lead

Paragraph 1

• Nothing

Paragraph 2

• It's called a "Japanese pop song" here, but in the infobox, it is called a "J-pop song"; I don't care which one is used, but both have separate links so you should make the linking and articles consistent; see what I mean?
• You can remove the ", as of today" part; it's unnecessary

Paragraph 3

• "and leads on from the video of..." → "and serves as a sequel to the video for..."
• You could list some of the concert tours that she included it on since the ending sentence seems a bit plain

Background and release

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• I think I mentioned this previously, but I would only state "Japanese businessman" if he was an extremely prominent and well-known businessman; otherwise, I would just list him as a producer
• "Kikuchi's final collaboration..." → "Kikuchi's final collaborations..."
• I know this is true, but the final sentence needs a source

Paragraph 2

• "the singles were released as a DVD single and VHS." → "the singles were released as DVD singles and on VHS."
• "VHS. It included the..." → VHS; it included the..."
• You don't have to mention that "the song's title" is present on the cover; it's unnecessary

Composition

• "With this, "Vogue"..." → "Following the same theme, "Vogue"..."
• "in any of her previous lyrics." → "on any of her previous work."

Critical response

• Add generally before "favourable" please
• Italicize "AllMusic" please
• "complimented Hamasaki's song writing. He compared the song..." → "complimented Hamasaki's songwriting; he compared the song..." (Note: there are multiple changes suggested here)
• "elements in the song." → "topics in the song."
• "submitted their votes.[13] As a result,..." → "submitted their votes;[13] as a result,..."

Commercial performance

• "two on the Oricon Singles Chart.[14] It lasted for..." → "two on the Oricon Singles Chart;[14] it lasted for..."
• "as of today, the song is..." → "the song is currently..."
• "TBS Count Down TV Chart.[20] It stayed there..." → "TBS Count Down TV chart;[20] it stayed there..." (Note: there are multiple changes suggested here)

Music video

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• "out take" → "outtake"
• No other mistakes found here! :)

Synopsis

• All good as well!

Live performances and other appearances

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• Remove "which are" before "A Best (2002), A..." please

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• "several remix albums by Hamasaki. The list is: the..." → "several remix albums by Hamasaki, including the..."
• Remove the comma after "orchestral acoustic remix" and in the same sentence, change "was" to "were"

Track listing

• Digital download is spelt incorrectly as "Digital dowload"

Personnel

• Please change section title "Credits and personnel"
• Add a colspan so the text provided is more condensed please

References

• In references [14]-[15], "Oricon" is italicized, but in references [16]-[18], they are not? Please be precise and either italicize all of them or none of them; from the looks of it they should all be italicized so please do that, thank you
• Double check that all refs don't link to the same thing more than once, from what I saw–it looks good
• [45] - Provide a link for "iTunes Store" please

End of GA Review:

Another very good article! Some minor changes and then a very likely pass. Thanks again! Carbrera (talk) 04:22, 10 April 2016 (UTC)

@Carbrera: Done and dusted! Regarding your italicize the AllMusic link; based on previous reviews of other Users, apparently since its not a journal or printed article, it doesn't have to be italicized (you can argue that, I don't personally know). CaliforniaDreamsFan (talk · contribs} 03:11, 13 April 2016 (UTC)

@CaliforniaDreamsFan: I realized that myself today when creating an article You Don't Know Anything, so yes you are correct. Great work by the way! Definitely GA worthy. With each article you expand, they keep getting better and better! I look forward to reviewing more from you. Thanks, Carbrera (talk) 03:14, 13 April 2016 (UTC)