Talk:KRI Nanggala (402)/GA1

GA review[edit]

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Original review from The man from Gianyar[edit]

Reviewer: The man from Gianyar (talk · contribs) 04:55, 25 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for criteria)

It is reasonably well written.
a (lead): b (MoS):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:
Meh article with alright prose, a terrible lead that isn't able to sum up the article, and to many 1-2 sentence paragraphs. Overall, due to the issues mentioned above, it fails the bar for good article status. Cheers, The man from Gianyar (talk) 04:55, 25 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Hey The man from Gianyar, I know this is your second nomination, but generally at GA quickfails (a fail immediately on review) are reserved for articles with irredeemable issues that are far from meeting the standard. I have done two of these, DOBAG Carpet Initiative (nominator was not involved at all in writing the page) and 11th Hour (web series) (copyvio). I'd like to encourage SunDawn and Jeromi Mikhael to consider the advice above (some sections could definitely use longer paragraphs). I may give this a full review of my own. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 06:28, 25 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Sammi Brie, I notice that you did put in a second opinion request, but it's been 25 days without a response so far. Do you think there's any chance you might be able to do the review yourself? Many thanks. BlueMoonset (talk) 04:24, 20 December 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Second review from Sammi Brie[edit]

Reviewer: Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 01:50, 1 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

Aside from adding alt text to images, the remaining issues are primarily writing-related.

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
(Two check marks but please add alt tags)
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

By-section analysis[edit]

Lead

The lead feels a bit short for the page's size.

Design and construction

Remove comma after 1977

Service history

"intelligence gathering" should be hyphenated

Sinking

Redundant level-3 header should be removed.
Remove comma after "priority" last sentence.

Search and recovery

The middle two subsections in particular need to have the sentences and paragraphs reorganized to not be so choppy. This was the issue Gianyar correctly pointed out.

Analysis

Onboard → on board
The sentence beginning Nanggala's commander, Lt. Col. Heri Oktavian, has too many commas and should be reworded.

Aftermath

Remove comma after "proper maintenance"

Commanders

This is an incomplete list with an expand tag. Is a list like this typical for an article about a ship? Could it be removed without loss of information? I most certainly would not pass this with the expand tag in place.

Command structure

Is this something typical? If it is to be kept, all of the small tags should be removed (MOS:SMALLFONT).

Other items[edit]

All images are public domain (either from U.S. or Indonesia) and suitably used. Add |alt= tags to the images (and if the captions are sufficient alt text, just set the alt text to "Refer to caption").
Most references appear to be archived, but run IABot again just in case.
Earwig tool finds no copyvio issues.

Summary[edit]

Placing on hold for 7 to 10 days. Specific tasks:

Improving the flow of choppy text passages and reducing the number of one- and two-sentence paragraphs
Beefing up the lead section to be commensurate with the contents of the article (it's a bit short as it stands)
Making the suggested changes to copy
Removing the redundant "Disappearance" level 3 header
Removing or completing the Commanders list so it does not have an expand tag on it
Removing the "Command structure" tree chart if this is extraneous information
Adding alt text to images

@SunDawn and Jeromi Mikhael: Please ping me when these changes are made. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 01:50, 1 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Hey @SunDawn, I see you've made most of the changes with the exception of improving text flow and adding alt tags. I gave a light copyedit to the expanded lead. I checked and did not see these other changes:

Remove comma after "2 April 1977"
Nanggala's commander Lt. Col. Heri Oktavian, I'd remove the 's here now that the comma is gone
Reflow in the "Search and recovery" subsection

You're on the right track, and I'm glad to see you back and out of quarantine. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 17:36, 20 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Hello Sammi! Yes I finally got out of quarantine. But sorry for the slow progress, still getting things in order after long days of quarantining. I will do the change as soon as I can. Thanks. SunDawn talk 07:33, 24 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Hello Sammi! I have made edits and needs your advice, especially on the reflow of the Search and Recovery section. I have made some changes, your advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks! SunDawn talk 02:24, 26 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@SunDawn, they look good. Needed a touch more copyediting/typo fixing, but the new order reads a lot better. You are almost there—add alt tags to the images (WP:ALT) and it will be passed. When you have done this, ping me by typing {{ping|Sammi Brie}} in your response. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 02:57, 26 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@Sammi Brie:, I have added some alt text to the article. Your inputs will be greatly appreciated, thanks. SunDawn talk 04:56, 26 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

That will do it. This page finally passes! I know this GA took nearly a month, but given your quarantine situation it was important to give you the time you needed. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 05:12, 26 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you so much for your help @Sammi Brie! SunDawn talk 02:58, 27 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]