User:Apricotxx

Bio

Thank you for visiting my user page. I'm 19 years old, and after I graduated from high school in Japan last March, I came America to study. The city that I lived in Japan is Kobe. The city is famous for the port that have used as the one of main ports to trade with abroad since long time ago. I like drawing, sleeping, watching movies, and spending time with my dogs. I also like to play tennis, and I had played that for about 6 years.

I think Wikipedia's interesting part is the fact that anyone can edit articles. In the world, there are many people who are expert in only specific things even if they don't have profession. In Wikipedia, those people can contribute to the pages and be active. Also the name: Wikipedia is interesting to me. Actually, I've never searched origin of the name until I made this page, even if I use Wikipedia on a daily basis. According to the Wikipedia's page that is written about "Wikipedia", the word is a synthesized name: combined "Wiki" used for Wikipedia; the name of the system and Encyclopedia.

Article Review

There are famous Japanese dessert that is called “Kakigōri,” but in America, this dessert seems not famous. I am Japanese and I used to make it every summer, and I thought I could be help to improve Wikipedia page of Kakigōri, and with that in mind, I visited the page, and found three aspects of it worth commenting on: its lack of completeness, its unnecessary parts, its citations.

Completeness

In this article, Despite that Kakigōri is mentioned as a different dessert from shaved ice dessert at the description part, there are many cases that they are not distinguished. Also, there are not many basic informations such as the etymology of Kakigōri, its historical background, how to make it.

Unnecessary parts

In spite of Shirokuma is just one of Kakigōri brand's name, this article explain about this brand more than Kakigōri itself as one of the headlines. Since other Kakigōri brands are also famous, this article seems emphasize only Shirokuma more than necessary. If they want to talk about Shirokuma in this way, they need to mention about other brands too.

Citations

There are many citations, but some of them are not correct. Regarding the external links, because there are many Japanese links and these links are not numbered, it's difficult to find out which link's reference is talking about which topic. In addition, some external links are not mention about this article contents.

Summary

Overall, I would rate this page as "poor." First of all, there are less basic informations about the subject, and instead of that, this page is written about another stuff and low necessity things. Therefore, this page became difficult to understand what the main subject is. Also, it seems to be a problem that it might take some time to understand this article to the general reader, because several citations are wrong and links are not well connected. I think that this page could be more reliable and useful page about this dessert by correcting and adding these shortages.