User talk:LowIQPotato
| This user is a student editor in University_of_California,_Berkeley/PLP_-_Berkeley_Interdisciplinary_Research_Group_on_Privacy_-_Coleman_Lab_(Spring_21) . |
Welcome![edit]
Hello, LowIQPotato, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
I hope you enjoy editing here. If you haven't already done so, please check out the student training library, which introduces you to editing and Wikipedia's core principles. You may also want to check out the Teahouse, a community of Wikipedia editors dedicated to helping new users. Below are some resources to help you get started editing.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 15:03, 24 February 2021 (UTC)
Peer Reviews[edit]
Hey - this seems really interesting so far. Because of what you have described in the header, it seems like you should write your intro blurb in the context of data if there is another biometrics page. I also wonder if you could put the surveillance section into the privacy concerns section? I'm less familiar than you, but i feel like surveillance would be included in privacy concerns. Also it would be helpful to match articles from your annotated bibliography to sections of your article. The lead section should include some citations. I look forward to reading future iterations of your article. Penguinblueberry (talk) 16:34, 2 April 2021 (UTC)Penguin blueberry
Hi, I have provided peer review feedback! What you have so far seems intriguing and the layout you have provided has potential to be a great fit for your topic. 99rebound (talk)
General info[edit]
Whose work are you reviewing? LowIQPotato
Link to draft you're reviewing[edit]
User:LowIQPotato/Biometric data (athletes)
Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)[edit]
Biometric data (athletes) Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)
Lead[edit]
N/A
Content[edit]
N/A
Tone and Balance[edit]
N/A
Sources and References[edit]
N/A
Organization[edit]
The sketch of the layout seems to be organized and has potential for a great flow for the article.
Images and media[edit]
.N/A
Overall Impression[edit]
Though there was limited content to review, the layout provided for the article seems to be a great fit.
Peer Review Week 8[edit]
General info[edit]
Heading text[edit]
- Whose work are you reviewing?
LowIQPotato
- Link to draft you're reviewing
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:LowIQPotato/Biometric_data_(athletes)
- Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
N/A
Evaluate the drafted changes[edit]
Lead[edit]
There are no current edits to the lead.
Content[edit]
There is no content currently.
Impression[edit]
I really liked the formatting and the layout that you have. All of those points seems to be relevant to the article topic, and now it's its just a matter of writing it out. CelticsFan3 (talk) 18:21, 10 April 2021 (UTC)
Peer Review Week 9[edit]
Lead[edit]
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Content[edit]
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Tone and Balance[edit]
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Sources and References[edit]
N/A
Organization[edit]
The article outline is well-structured
Overall[edit]
There wasn't much to critique on, but the ideas for the article are solid. Luckyclover44 (talk) 17:42, 16 April 2021 (UTC)
Week 9 Article feedback (Junior leadership team)[edit]
In general, the article has a clear structure. It is divided into several sections to elaborate on the topic. You just need to fill content into the structure. The Lead section introduces the topic well and connects the two sections below.
For the Usage section, it would probably be better to name the two sub-sections "Tracking" and "Data usage". In the Tracking part, when you mention wearable devices, you could link this word to the main article. The first sentence of Data usage is a bit difficult to read. You could probably include a more detailed explanation on how biometric data could improve performance and prevent injuries. For the Ethical concerns section, surveillance and privacy seem to a bit related to each other. Make sure to show how they are different.
The draft doesn't include any citation. So try to use the articles you read to support your argument. Look forward to seeing your final article!
Peer Review Week 10[edit]
Lead[edit]
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Content[edit]
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Tone and Balance[edit]
N/A
Sources and References[edit]
N/A
Organization[edit]
The outline is well structured
Overall[edit]
I wonder if you could put the surveillance section into the privacy concerns section? I'm less familiar than you, but i feel like surveillance would be included in privacy concerns. Also it would be helpful to match articles from your annotated bibliography to sections of your article. The lead section should include some citations. Penguinblueberry (talk) 17:08, 23 April 2021 (UTC)Penguinblueberry
Lead[edit]
N/A
Content[edit]
N/A
Tone and Balance[edit]
N/A
Sources and References[edit]
N/A
Organization[edit]
I like the outline. It provides clear points that support one another to highlight the main pints of the article.
Overall[edit]
What you have so far is a great start. I would suggest linking the annotations instead of just having them unlinked on another page though. 99rebound (talk) 99rebound
Week 10 Article feedback (Junior leadership team)[edit]
The article right now is much more complete! You have a strong Lead section and the overall structure looks good.
One suggestion I have is try to make the titles more concise, for example using "Risk (of Biometric Data)" instead of "What Using Biometric Data Lacks". You can probably read other Wikipedia articles and see how they format their titles.
Another suggestion is try to make sections more distinct from each other. For example, from what I understand in Ethical Concerns section, there can be two major perspectives: data privacy, and lack of consent.
Also, don’t forget to add more links to other Wikipedia articles and use citations to support what you write.
Peer Review Week 11[edit]
Lead: N/A
Content: N/A
Tone and Balance: N/A
Sources: N/A
Organization: The outline makes it seem as though the article will be organized and run smoothly.
Image and Media: None
Overall: Not much to go off of, but the outline seems to be in good shape! Hotpink789! (talk) 05:26, 30 April 2021 (UTC)
Peer Review Week 11[edit]
Lead[edit]
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Content[edit]
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Impression[edit]
You have a great overall structure with the outline. CelticsFan3 (talk) 02:47, 2 May 2021 (UTC)