Wikipedia:Peer review/Dragon Ball (manga)/archive1

Dragon Ball (manga)[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.

I've listed this article for peer review because I believe it has improved significantly since I first viewed it, and constructive criticism for a wider range of Wikipedians would be informative and helpful.

I would like comments on the Evolution and Viz sections, as well as comments on writing style, tone and cohesion if possible, and what needs to be added to the page. Thank you!

Thanks, --- Krezos (talk) 14:10, 15 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from The Rambling Man (talk · contribs)

I'd move the quote out of the lead and concentrate on making two solid paras per WP:LEAD.
Not clear to a non-expert what "Weekly Shonen Jump" is - is it a tv show?
"...Dragon Ball Z to lessen confusion..." how does it lessen confusion?
Original run in the infobox doesn't need a space between the en-dash and the years.
Chapter ranges should use the en-dash to separate them.
Table at the end of the evolution section is for what purpose? Confusing.
The evolution section needs to be revised so it's a little less in-universe. This is basically the plot and should be written at a reasonably high level for non-experts to grasp the general flow of the story.
Why is the Viz section so named?
And it should be converted to prose instead of bullets.
A lot of "See also"s - I'd select only the most relevant.
ref [2] needs a {{cite web}}.
Is this article linked to in the template somewhere? I couldn't see the link...

That's a start. The Rambling Man (talk) 17:23, 18 April 2008 (UTC)[reply]