Wikipedia:Peer review/Heraclius/archive1

Heraclius[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it has had an extensive rework and I want input before attemping to move it to GA status.

Thanks, Esemono (talk) 23:32, 21 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I removed the semi-automated peer review (SAPR) because it should not be included here for the following reasons: 1) when the SAPR is included here, this peer review request does not show up at WP:PR for others to see it and make comments; 2) this saves space at WP:PR; and 3) this follows the directions above, i.e. "Please do not ... paste in semi-automated peer reviews below: link to them instead." Thanks, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 10:39, 23 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Charles Edward

Done - There are a couple places where notes and references precede the punctuation point, they should be after it. WP:Citations
Done - The article lead is a bit underdeveloped. Given the length of the article you should probably break the lead into two paragraphs and add a bit more information too it and fully summarize his entire life. WP:LEAD
Done - If you have references in the body of the article for the facts mentioned in the lead, it is not necessary to put references into the lead. (If items in the lead are not in the body, then they should also be put into the body). WP:LEAD
Article could use a modest copy edit. Some sentences are somewhat unwieldy and lacking in commas. Example: At his request Pope John IV (640-642) sent Christian teachers and missionaries to the Dalmatia, newly Croatian Provinces settled by Porga, and his clan who practiced Slavic paganism. Would be better as At his request, Christian teachers and missionaries by Pope John IV to the Dalmatia, new Croatian Provinces settled by Porga and his pagan Slavic clan.
As a pointer, I don't see that you have used Byzantium: Three volumes (or the abridged A Short History of Byzantium) by John Julius Norwich. Probably the best book on Byzantium written in the three decades. There is a full chapter dedicated to Heraclius with a some information not currently incorporated into this article, and would help in beefing up the inline citations. —Charles Edward ^{(Talk | Contribs)} 03:23, 26 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Not by choice, just don't have it on hand -- Esemono (talk) 07:52, 6 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]

There are lots of places that could use a citation. As a rule of thumb, each new fact, event, statistic, and paragraph should end in with a citation. See WP:Citation for more.
Done - There is some room to tighten up the text in places. Anything that says the same thing in less words is better. For example:

Heraclius was born into an Armenian family from Cappadocia, although beyond that, there is little specific information known about his ancestry. He was the son and namesake of Heraclius (generally referred to retrospectively as Heraclius the Elder), who had been a key general of Emperor Maurice's in the 590 war with Bahram Chobin, usurper of the Sassanid Empire. His mother was named Epiphania.

Becomes

Heraclius was born the son of Heraclius the Elder and Epiphania, an Armenian family in Cappadocia. Beyond that, there is little specific information known about his ancestry. His father was a key general during Emperor Maurice's war with Bahram Chobin, usurper of the Sassanid Empire, during 590.

Done - There are some terms which could be linked in the article, like Emporor Phocas.
Done - You introduce Khosrau II in the text, but use Chosroes as his name thereafter in the text. This is a bit confusing. You should stick to just one name or fully explain the reasoning for the difference.
Done - "...damaging the Church of the Holy Sepulchre and capturing the Holy Cross and Egypt in the process." The persians captured Egypt in the process of invading Judea? I think "...and afterwards capturing Egypt" would be more accurate.
Done - I would recommend adjusting your article sections to be more heirarchal. For example, Make an "Early life" section, and place "Origins" and "Revolt.." as sub headings. Place additional sub headings under the first sections of the "War with Arabs" and "Legacy" Section. This will place your ToC more visually appealing, and improve article navigation by better defining sections.
Done - The family section would be better broken up. I recommend moving his wife and children back into the article and add them chronologically about where they were married\born. The rest of the info, including his will and the family tree, would best be made a sub heading of the legacy section.
Done - You have a gap between 1 and 2 in your annotations.
Done - Some of your book sources, like Baynes and Kazhda, are not used in your footnotes. Those should be moved into a seperate further reading section. If you did intend to use them, you should add citations to show where they are being used.
Done - Some of your references are listed as Last Name, First Name. While other are First Last. These should be made uniform.
Done - You should add a portal template to Portal:Byzantine Empire in the see also section.
Done - You are forcing an image size on several images, this is not recommended by the MOS. See WP:Images. It is better to not force an image size because it overrides users individual settings. (It is ok to force sizes on images with text that needs to be read)
Done - You do not have any alt text for you images. See WP:Alt for more information.
Done - A point worth including: It was during Heraclius' reign that the total defeat of the Persians occured. It was essentially the end of the war that had lasted nearly eight hundred years between the romans and the Persians. He ended it in favor of Rome.
Done - Another point, there is no mention of the internal problems in the empire concerning religion. He was able to have an altered godhead formula adopted and assented to by four of the Patiarchs. It reconciled the monophysites, but just before his death lead to schism with the Papacy in Rome.

The article is definatly of a B quality. A little work, like that mentioned above would get it to GA quality. You will need more extensive work, primarily in referencing and copyediting to get to FA. So far though a very good and interesting article. Thanks for you time and research in working it. Keep up the good work!—Charles Edward ^{(Talk | Contribs)} 03:23, 26 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

llywrch comments

One point I'd add to Charles Edwards' extensive review is that you omit any mention of one of the best known historians of this period -- Edward Gibbon. Not because I think that he wrote the definitive word on Heraclius, but because he casts such a large shadow over the subject of Roman history -- & provided what is still a readable account. (I remember one scholar stating that his account of the Byzantine Empire in the 9th thru 11th centuries is still one of the best in print.) It is far more important to quote him for opinion & interpretation than, say, Henry Hart Milman, because he is so well known & because so many Byzantists write in response to what he has written. -- llywrch (talk) 19:56, 5 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the suggestion I've added some citations from the book -- Esemono (talk) 07:54, 7 November 2009 (UTC)[reply]