Wikipedia:Peer review/Rasta Thomas/archive1

Rasta Thomas

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because a lot of work has been done on it, and it is extremely well-referenced, but it needs help with flow and really just a second set of eyes. Please help!

Thanks, Esprit15d • talk • contribs 15:24, 9 December 2010 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: I have rated this article as Start-class, as it is clearly no longer a stub. However, I don't think it is yet ready for a full-scale peer review, which is intended for "high-quality articles that have already undergone extensive work, often as a way of preparing a featured article candidate" (wording from the WP:PR page). There is some basic development to be carried out before the article qualifies for review under that definition. Here are some areas for work

• There are several citation tags that need attention
• The lead needs to be developed into a summary of the whole article, rather than providing only an introductory sentence.
• Article structure: More than two-thirds of the article's text is in the Professional career section; the other sections are very short, sometimes only a line or two. Thus the structure looks completely unbalanced. Some of the sections need considerable development - for example, the "Commentary" section tells us hardly anything.
• Prose style - a few random points:-
  • Single sentence paragraphs should be avoided.
  • New sections should not begin with "He..." The name is necessary.
  • At present, five of the six paragraphs in the Professional life section begin "Thomas..." Some variation of phrasing is advised.
  • You shouldn't force your readers to click on to a Wictionary link to found out what an "etoile" is
  • By "season" performer I assume you mean "seasoned"
  • "While Thomas was dining with choreographer Vladimir Angelov, a friend told Thomas that he was wasting his talent by only performing at galas." Is the information that they were dining relevant? Did a "friend" just walk up and start telling Thomas things? The sentence reads very oddly.
• Linking: Your wikilinking is inconsistent. For example, you link Washington D.C. twice, but some cities, e.g. St Petersburg, or Takoma Park, are not linked at all. Neither, strangely, is Bad Boys of Dance. Incidentally, the "Kennedy Center for the Arts" sould be Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, and that should be linked, too.
• Disambiguation: there are disambiguation links to Arthur Mitchell and Metropolitan Opera House
• One of your external links (Rasta Thomas, front cover) is dead
• Images: I appreciate the problem in obtaining a free image of Thomas, but it is possible to enhance an article such as this with some imaginative use of images associated with the subject. Had you thought about this aspect?

I hope these comments help you decide how to develop the article further. Brianboulton (talk) 00:08, 22 December 2010 (UTC)