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GA Review

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Nominator: Catlemur (talk · contribs) 19:44, 22 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Thebiguglyalien (talk · contribs) 07:39, 8 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hello Catlemur! I'll look over this article some time this week. I've recently been working on articles for southern African chiefs as well (specifically of the Kwena people).

If I can ask one thing of you before I start, the paragraphs and sections are very long and should be shortened per MOS:LAYOUT. Most of the paragraphs should be about half the size that they currently are, so they need to be split. Then there should only be a few of these paragraphs per section, so more headings or subheadings should be used to organize the information. Normally I'd just mention this in the review, but it will be much easier for me to read if that part is done beforehand. Thebiguglyalien (talk) 07:39, 8 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I've split numerous paragraphs and have created subheadings so it should more readable now. Let me know if its still not good enough.--Catlemur (talk) 14:47, 8 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Catlemur, I've posted the review below. Thebiguglyalien (talk) 02:44, 12 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

General

I made some style and grammar fixes. I suggest looking them over at Special:Diff/1223432239 so you know what to look for, and feel free to question/challenge any of them.
Specify which one is Masopha in the image, left or right

Done

There are a lot of "in year, this happened" statements, which interrupts flow and can make the article read like a timeline.

Lead

The lead is a little light, and it could probably say more about his involvement in the Gun War.
I don't know whether died in obscurity is correct. He was still pretty well known even if he wasn't celebrated.

Early life

This section goes well beyond his early life, and it includes information that takes place after other sections in the article.
After the death of his younger brother Majara in 1859, he took his wives – It's unclear who the second "his" refers to.

Majara died, so his wives were taken by Masopha. Amended it to Majara's wives.--Catlemur (talk) 14:31, 12 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

In 1886, Masopha's eldest son Lepogo – Prior to this we knew nothing about his children.

Rise to prominence

Masopha went on to distinguish himself – It reads awkwardly to say that he "went on" when it's the first thing mentioned in the section
In 1858, war broke out – Just linking "war" makes it seem like the link goes to war instead of the specific war

I disagree, but I amended it nevertheless.--Catlemur (talk) 14:31, 12 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

while trying to defend his village – What village? Whose is it?

Specified that I am talking about Masopha's Mile (which he had previously founded).--Catlemur (talk) 14:31, 12 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Anarchy broke out, as rebels began attacking loyalists who had surrendered their weapons and seized their property – Who seized whose property?

The rebels seized loyalist property, specified it.--Catlemur (talk) 14:31, 12 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

In response to Letsie's calls for deescalation, Masopha and the heir apparent Lerotholi began to prepare for war. – I wouldn't call that a "response". Maybe this could be changed to "Despite Letsie's calls"

Done

Gun War and downfall

Why is "downfall" part of the heading? The section isn't really about that except for a couple sentences near the end.
Demanding to be granted almost arbitrary power... – This is a sentence fragment and I'm not sure what it's referring to.
after the Award was cancelled in April 1882 – What does "cancelled" mean here? It's not wrong, but I feel like another word would work better. Had it been implemented yet?
During Masopha's lifetime his bravery – We shouldn't describe his actions as "bravery" ourselves, as that makes it sound like we're endorsing that opinion.

"His name is only mentioned in one line of the praise-poems of Masopha, the third and bravest among the sons of Moshoeshoe". This is the sentence verbatim, you be the judge.--Catlemur (talk) 14:31, 12 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

References

All sources seem reliable.
It might be worth copyediting the references at some point because there seem to be some punctuation issues, but it's nothing I'm concerned about.

Spot checks:

Bradlow (1970) – Does page 224 support His stance prevented the restitution of property to Basuto loyalists residing in his district? Otherwise all three uses are good.
Mohome (1972) – Good.
Morelli (2022) – Good.

@@ Line 20: / Line 20: @@
 * I made some style and grammar fixes. I suggest looking them over at [[Special:Diff/1223432239]] so you know what to look for, and feel free to question/challenge any of them.
 * Specify which one is Masopha in the image, left or right
+:{{done}}
 * There are a lot of "in year, this happened" statements, which interrupts flow and can make the article read like a timeline.
@@ Line 29: / Line 30: @@
 * This section goes well beyond his early life, and it includes information that takes place after other sections in the article.
 * {{tq|After the death of his younger brother Majara in 1859, he took his wives}} – It's unclear who the second "his" refers to.
+:Majara died, so his wives were taken by Masopha. Amended it to Majara's wives.--[[User:Catlemur|Catlemur]] ([[User talk:Catlemur|talk]]) 14:31, 12 May 2024 (UTC)
 * {{tq|In 1886, Masopha's eldest son Lepogo}} –  Prior to this we knew nothing about his children.
@@ Line 34: / Line 36: @@
 * {{tq|Masopha went on to distinguish himself}} – It reads awkwardly to say that he "went on" when it's the first thing mentioned in the section
 * {{tq|In 1858, [[Free State–Basotho Wars|war]] broke out}} – Just linking "war" makes it seem like the link goes to [[war]] instead of the specific war
+:I disagree, but I amended it nevertheless.--[[User:Catlemur|Catlemur]] ([[User talk:Catlemur|talk]]) 14:31, 12 May 2024 (UTC)
 * {{tq|while trying to defend his village}} – What village? Whose is it?
+:Specified that I am talking about Masopha's Mile (which he had previously founded).--[[User:Catlemur|Catlemur]] ([[User talk:Catlemur|talk]]) 14:31, 12 May 2024 (UTC)
 * {{tq|Anarchy broke out, as rebels began attacking loyalists who had surrendered their weapons and seized their property}} – Who seized whose property?
+:The rebels seized loyalist property, specified it.--[[User:Catlemur|Catlemur]] ([[User talk:Catlemur|talk]]) 14:31, 12 May 2024 (UTC)
 * {{tq|In response to Letsie's calls for deescalation, Masopha and the heir apparent Lerotholi began to prepare for war.}} – I wouldn't call that a "response". Maybe this could be changed to "Despite Letsie's calls"
+:{{done}}
 ;Gun War and downfall
@@ Line 43: / Line 49: @@
 * {{tq|after the Award was cancelled in April 1882}} – What does "cancelled" mean here? It's not wrong, but I feel like another word would work better. Had it been implemented yet?
 * {{tq|During Masopha's lifetime his bravery}} – We shouldn't describe his actions as "bravery" ourselves, as that makes it sound like we're endorsing that opinion.
+:"His name is only mentioned in one line of the praise-poems of Masopha, the third and bravest among the sons of Moshoeshoe". This is the sentence verbatim, you be the judge.--[[User:Catlemur|Catlemur]] ([[User talk:Catlemur|talk]]) 14:31, 12 May 2024 (UTC)
 ;References