You have two cows

"You have two cows" is the beginning phrase for a series of political joke definitions.

"You have two cows" jokes originated as a parody of the typical examples used in introductory-level economics course material and featuring a farmer in a moneyless society who uses the cattle that he owns in order to trade with his neighbors. A typical example is: "You have two cows; you want chickens; you set out to find another farmer who has chickens and wants a cow". These examples are meant to show the limitations of the barter system, leading to the eventual introduction of currency and money.

The "two cows" parodies, however, place the cow-owner in a fully fledged economic system where cows are used as a metaphor for all currency, capital, means of production and economic property. The intent of these jokes is usually to point out flaws and absurdities in those systems, although non-political jokes have been derived from them (see below).

Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to someone else.

Examples:

• Absolute Monarchy: You have two cows. The king takes both and hangs you. He then nurtures the cows until they're fat and eats them while the poor peasants starve.
• Anarchism: You have two cows. Your neighbor claims you stole them from him. You then agree without government interaction that you each keep one cow.
• Aristocracy: You have two cows. The wealthy nobles take them from you and sell them on the market to a poor peasant.
• Authoritarianism: You have two cows. The government kills them and eats the meat without your consent.
• Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbor steals them, and the town holds an election debating whether he should keep them or not.
• Soviet Russia: Two cows have YOU!
• Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and evenly distributes the milk.
• Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
• Autocracy: You have two cows. The dictator confiscates both and gives you a life sentence.
• Utilitarianism: You have two cows. A neighbor has none. The government makes you give your neighbor a cow, but the neighbor has to share some of his chickens with you.

Cows and economic systems

The first "two cows" jokes were meant to compare opposing economic systems such as capitalism and communism, typically by describing how government and bureaucracy would interfere with one's quiet enjoyment of one's cows. The jokes evolved into satire of various political, cultural, social and philosophical systems and theories. Eventually, virtually anything has come to be usable as "cow joke fodder." Newsworthy events involving actual cows (Mad Cow outbreaks) have also been used as material.

External links

• You have Two Cows on Uncyclopedia - Extensive list of over 1000 different versions compiled by Uncyclopedia users
• TheCapitol.Net You Have Two Cows... at YouHaveTwoCows.com