Talk:Patient and mortuary neglect

This is a great article; however, the writing, I feel is not on a college level. My advice would be to go back over the article and make some major adjustments with sentence structure and word choice.megalatta (talk) —Preceding comment was added at 01:58, 16 April 2008 (UTC)

From a reader's perspective I would recommend finding or making a page with information on all 50 states and then link to just that page. The big white block in the middle of the article isn't too appealing. I also noticed a lack of wikipedia hyperlinks. You would be surprised how much character a few wikipedia hyperlinks add to a page in addition to the feeling of relevance your topic has to others. I look forward to seeing where this goes. Oh and in an episode of HBO's Six Feet Under I remember this occurring (granted that it was accidental). If you find it let me know, our group is doing Forensic entomology and society which includes TV shows and we could link to each others pages.Quatrevingtsix (talk) 03:37, 26 March 2008 (UTC)

Ok, guys...make sure you get this page updated as soon as possible, or it will be deleted. Remember how I said not to put up just one paragraph at a time? This is why. Get this done!ABrundage, Texas A&M University (talk) 22:37, 20 March 2008 (UTC)

So the hyperlink that I added for the violations summary is not linking the entire address because of the space in between "SUMMARY" and "OF". When I try to use the hyperlink tool it only shows the "OF VIOLATIONS FY 2007.pdf" as the link. Does anyone know anyway that I could overcome that? Wateka (talk) 17:07, 21 March 2008 (UTC)

I fixed it -- you need to use underscores in place of spaces, and single square brackets instead of pointy ones. Also note that blogs (the first two refs) are not reliable sources per WP:RS. – ukexpat (talk) 18:54, 21 March 2008 (UTC)

The problem is the link now points to an invalid page. The address contains the spaces, and now with the underscores it won't work. Thanks though for the heads up on the bad references. I'll try to find some acceptable ones. Wateka (talk) 20:52, 21 March 2008 (UTC)

OK I fixed it again, it needed %20 instead of underscores. – ukexpat (talk) 21:29, 21 March 2008 (UTC)

Awesome, thank you so much. Wateka (talk) 21:49, 21 March 2008 (UTC)

First, there are three fields of entomology: urban, stored products, and medicolegal. I believe mortuary neglect falls under urban entomology, not medicolegal (which is where forensic entomology falls). I am not sure that the article convinced me of how this falls under Forensic entomology. The subheading about the types of mortuary neglect and the law was a little confusing. I suggest making separate headings: one for the types of neglect and one for cases of neglect or make the cases subheadings of the type of neglect.Garza j e (talk) 21:00, 30 March 2008 (UTC) garza_j_e —Preceding comment was added at 23:44, 29 March 2008 (UTC)

• Forensic entomology is simply the use of insect evidence in legal proceedings, and that covers wide range of topics.

Technically, there are three areas of forensic entomology: urban, stored product and medicolegal. The type of case tells us which area it falls into. Mortuary neglect is falls under the subject of forensic entomology because it has to do with legal proceedings (neglect) but is not a crime involving living humans (which is medicolegal) so it falls into the urban forensic entomology category. ABrundage, Texas A&M University (talk) 20:51, 31 March 2008 (UTC)

Just an idea, under "Case studies" (I believe that was the name of the section..) refer to our book for the course. I'm pretty sure that there are a few mortuary neglect cases included in it. If no one in your group has one, I'd be willing to let you borrow mine! Hope this helps! Lindseyjean11 (talk) 16:30, 1 April 2008 (UTC)

You might want to retitle your "Cases" section something like History. I don't see how the information written under that heading deals specifically with particular cases. Also, with a little more information that section would make a great introduction! Great article, keep up the good work! --Moosenik (talk) 21:45, 12 April 2008 (UTC)

Peer Review

Just a few pointers here for you:

• Your article does not contain a lead section. This goes at the top of the page and provides a general overview of what you are about to say.
• Add more internal wiki links on words such as embalming, decomposition, forensic.
• Under the heading Types of mortuary neglect and the law, the sub-topics “Washington v. John T. Rhines Co.” and “Christensen v. Superior Court of Los Angeles Count” are out of place. These may need their own section, or be moved to the bottom heading Cases.
• Also, some of the sub-sections under Types of mortuary neglect and the law are not well explained. I had to read these a few times to understand what you are talking about. Try adding some real world examples to make the topics more interesting.
• One last thing, I suggest moving the Cases heading above the links to state laws. It gets lost at the bottom of the article after the exhausting list of states.
• BY the way, this article is REALLY interesting. I really would like to read more real-life examples of the types of abuse that occurs.--Amandamartinez06 (talk) 03:21, 2 April 2008 (UTC)

Do you think this article is substantial enough to stand alone or do you think it could be ammended to the Insect Indicators of Abuse or Neglect page? Pinksugar85 (talk) 00:19, 6 April 2008 (UTC)

Do you think this article is substantial enough to stand alone or do you think it could be ammended to the Insect Indicators of Abuse or Neglect page? Pinksugar85 (talk) 00:19, 6 April 2008 (UTC)

Just some thoughts. When you talk about how neglect could cause flesh flies to inhabit the body a like to Insect indicatiors of abuse and neglect could help your page. Any pictures of improper embalming could help the reader to see what that would be like with a family member in an open-casket. You talk about a 15 step process the NFDA takes but you do not really tell what those steps are. That might be something to think about. Also, the article jumps back and forth on neglect of morgues and hospitals. Sometimes this can make it hard to follow. Crosenbalm (talk) 15:22, 10 April 2008 (UTC)

I personally love this topic, i think it can stand alone if you create enough relative links to entomology or Law. more links to other Forensic web pages would help complete this article. awesome work. --heartbreaker5785 (talk)

Can you give me examples of specific cases that highlight different cases of neglect. I noticed that you included two but there are some instances that do not have any specific cases to back up that type of neglect. I think if you researched some more about that it would add some evidence to your claims and make your statements more valid and applicable. Just some things to consider. Good work, this is an interesting and sad topic. (Lamanda14 (talk) 21:02, 13 April 2008 (UTC))

This is a really good topic, but it seems like there is not much information on it in the paper. Using more examples and going into more detail would probably be a good idea, and could help with the lenth. There is only about one sentence under each bolded topic so elaborating on those would probably help with the length also. Using more links to other pages would be a good idea too. (Medillar (talk) 22:22, 14 April 2008 (UTC))

This topic is very interesting but it seems that you have a list of references and have not cited any in you article. I think you need to cite your references so to avoid deletion. I also think expansion of the one line sentences would help the reader better understand the topic--Escaladebball29 (talk) 03:39, 15 April 2008 (UTC)

Good topic but I believe some good examples of mortuary neglect and patient neglect are out there. For example I was a EMT for a while and I have seen patient neglect in retirement homes during patient transports. Often the telltale signs are bedsores due to lack of physical movement and rotaional exercises to maintain blood circulation and mobility of limbs. Often neglect will cause this as well as the patient laying in their waste resulting in skin breakdown from uria.Txdevine1 (talk) 03:46, 15 April 2008 (UTC)

Interesing article, it's short and too the point but I have a few suggestions. Firstly, there's a few sentences that need restructuring, they don't flow very well. Secondly, the references and external links should be moved to the bottom of the article below state policies. That's pretty much it, good luck! Greg09Ag (talk) 23:32, 15 April 2008 (UTC)

The article is interesting, but I do have a few suggestions to help improve it. It seems a little too brief. There are a lot of subheadings with only one or two lines of text with them in the types of mortuary neglect section. It could use more examples or some elaboration on the descriptions of the types of mortuary neglect and how they are affected by law. Also, are there any more cases that could be included? When I read the article, I didn't see any in text citations. Try to include the references in the article where they are referenced. Galaga180 (talk)

Some suggestions

The topic you chose is an interesting one, but major modifications are in order. For starters, may I suggest maybe making your "DEFINITION" section your introduction? By defining neglect and actually elaborating between mortuary and patient neglect, you've done a pretty good job of encompassing the primary focus of this paper, while giving the reader a hint of what's coming. So, give it some thought...

Also, when you list the different types of mortuary neglect, the big, bold headings are completely unecessary. I realize that you're only trying to organize the article, but you don't really have enough information under each heading to make it okay for them to stand alone. You're better off just mentioning all the different types, briefly defining each, and including those real-life examples in one or two paragraphs.

For those specific cases you mentioned, maybe you could add another section named "Case Studies" or "Court Cases" or something in that area. You could include the two you already have, and look for cases that pertain to each of the other types. Doing this in a separate section allows you to go more in-depth, and could also add some length to your article.

Ohh.. you should really start working on the references. It's like the one thing that all the editors and "commenters" are crazy about on Wikipedia...Cvela (talk) 23:32, 15 April 2008 (UTC)