Wikipedia:Peer review

"WP:PR" redirects here. For the guideline on the use of press releases, see Wikipedia:Third-party sources § Press releases.

Main Current Instructions Discussion Tools Archive This page is about editorial review of specific articles. For off-Wiki review of Wikipedia, see Wikipedia:External peer review. For pending changes, see Wikipedia:Reviewers. "WP:PR" redirects here. For the Public Relations FAQ, see Wikipedia:FAQ/Organizations. For information on Wikipedia press releases, see Wikipedia:Press releases. For patrolled revisions, see Wikipedia:Patrolled revisions. "WP:Review" redirects here. It is not to be confused with WP:Reviewing. Peer review Editing articles Start a new article Develop the article How to write a great article Manual of style Current reviews Full List Log by Wikiproject Archive Backlog Peer review process Instructions Discussion Technical details & tools Peer review conclusion policy Volunteers list Wikipedia's peer review process is a way to receive ideas and feedback from other editors about articles. An article may be nominated by any user, and will appear on the list of all peer reviews. Other users can comment on the review. Peer review may be used for potential good article nominations, potential featured article candidates, or an article of any "grade". Peer review is a useful place to centralise a review from other editors about an article, and may be associated with a WikiProject; and may also be a good place for new Wikipedians to receive feedback on how an article is looking. Peer reviews are open to any feedback, and users requesting feedback may also request more specific feedback. Unlike formal nominations, editors and nominators may both edit articles during the discussion. To request a review, or nominate an article for a review see the instructions page. Users are limited to requesting one review at any one time, and are encouraged to help reduce the backlog by commenting on other articles. Any user may comment on a review, and there is no requirement that any comments may be acted on. A list of all current peer reviews, with reviewer's comments included, can be found here. For easier navigation, a list of peer reviews, without the reviews themselves included, can be found here. A chronological peer reviews list can be found here. Arts Loham Previous peer review I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to make it a good article. Previously nominated for GA but failed due to poor writing quality. So the article need suggestions for improving the grammar, language and writing style. Thanks, Charles Turing (talk) 07:05, 22 October 2015 (UTC) Comments from JosephJames Lead It stars Mohanlal, Andrea Jeremiah in the lead roles and Siddique, and Ajmal Ameer in supporting ones. "It stars Mohanlal and Andrea Jeremiah in the lead roles, along with Siddique and Ajmal Ameer in supporting ones." It holds the record for the highest opening day gross for a Malayalam film. "It holds the record for the highest opening day collection for a Malayalam film." Loham received mixed reactions from critic, who praised the lead actor's performance and the film's technical aspects but criticised its screenplay. "Loham received mixed reactions from critics, who praised the performances and technical aspects but criticized its screenplay." the film total gross is ₹13 crore (US$2.0 million). "the film collected around ₹13 crore (US$2.0 million)." I am doing a peer review for the first time. So forgive me for my mistakes. More suggestions to come soon. Thanks! JosephJames 03:57, 23 October 2015 (UTC) Drishyam I've listed this article for peer review because I plan to make this a good article later and would like some advice on this now. Thanks a lot, JosephJames Talk / Contribs 05:20, 22 October 2015 (UTC) Marilyn Monroe Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 18 October 2015, 19:28 UTC Last edit: 22 October 2015, 14:19 UTC The Andy Griffith Show I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to nominate it for GA status, and would like some feedback to see if that would be an appropriate move. Thanks, Sunshineisles2 (talk) 00:14, 18 October 2015 (UTC) Evanescence (Evanescence album) I've listed this article for peer review because…well, I think that it seems a little weird that they've got 6 songs certified GA, two failed album GA noms, and a delisted main page. I want to balance this out by starting with this album, which I hope I can get GA. I've looked over it before, and I thought it was in pretty good condition. Fixed what problems I could personally see myself, but I need to know what's next. Of their three albums, I think this one in the best condition and then The Open Door. Fallen is gonna be hard, but ah well. Anyway, I just don't want another crash and burn in GA nomination like my last one. :/ Thanks, DannyMusicEditor (talk) 22:36, 15 October 2015 (UTC) John Zorn Previous peer review I've listed this article for peer review because there have been significant changes since the last peer review seven years ago. Thanks, DISEman (talk) 12:57, 15 October 2015 (UTC) Max Guevara I've listed this article for peer review because i'd like to nominate it for GA eventually. I completely overhauled the article by myself so would like the opinions of other editors. Thanks, Freikorp (talk) 11:36, 15 October 2015 (UTC) Adventure Time Previous peer review I've listed this article for peer review because I would one day like to see it become an FA. I have worked for almost three years on this article, raising it from the rather sad state it was originally in. I've combed through it, looking for weird prose, and it's been copy-edited, but I would love for someone to peer-review it. Thanks, Gen. Quon (Talk) 03:19, 8 October 2015 (UTC) Comments from Calvin999 One Dab Link For the opening and ending theme parameters, do they need to be in small text? It's a bit difficult to read. You have External links at the bottom of the article so I don't really see the need to include another section of the same thing in the Info box which only makes it unnecessarily longer. , a human boy, → Do you need to say "human"? Along the way, → Where? What? picked it up → I think this sounds to informal for a prospective FAC. records their → I would have thought records should be singular here. guest actors and actresses → Use either 'actors' or 'guest stars'. Actors and actresses sounds a bit long winded as it it's same thing but just for male and female (which will debut on November 2 → Year? is also in the works. → As before, this sounds a bit informal. has developed a strong following among teenagers and adults. → So it's not for children? I thought it was until now. Why do you link dog in Premise but not the lead? I don't think dog needs to be linked really. time attending California Institute of the Arts → I feel like 'the' should be placed in between 'attending California' single stand-alone → Same difference. Just use one. the studio's rights to pick up the show expired, → This reads slightly awkward, to me at least. decided to shop it → Too informal. Pitch? , and, that by → Shouldn't it be: , and that, by Many of the series' artists have backgrounds in indie comics. → This is sourced at the end of the following sentence, but really it should be at the end of this sentence, too. Mike LeChevallier of Slate magazine, → You don't need to write 'magazine' The quote box in Critical reviews doesn't need quotation marks in it, because it's already signified as such by being a stand alone quote box. And who is D.F.? Why do refineries such as 31, 32 and 35 have [ ] in the tiles? I did some spot-checks, and ref 27 clearly needs a login or subscription. This should be noted in the citation. I hope these prove useful to you. Please ping me if you have any questions.  — Calvin999 18:14, 12 October 2015 (UTC) Thank you! These were very helpful!--Gen. Quon (Talk) 19:38, 12 October 2015 (UTC) Freida Pinto Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 5 October 2015, 12:53 UTC Last edit: 14 October 2015, 08:10 UTC The 2nd Law I've listed this article for peer review because I am planning on nominating this article to FA soon. This article was promoted to GA in July and before nominating it for FA, I want to know what problems exist on the page. Thanks, Aria1561 (talk) 03:54, 24 September 2015 (UTC) Did It Again (Kylie Minogue song) I've listed this article for peer review because I believe this article is close to achieving a Feature article promotion. The article has been reviewed three times for a Good article banner, finally achieving it on the third try. I have submitted the article for a Feature article nomination but it has currently been viewed as an oppose than a support factor. I would like some assistance to improve the article from GA to FAC. Thanks, CaliforniaDreamsFan (talk · contribs} 01:44, 20 September 2015 (UTC) Comments from Friekorp I remember the first time I saw the music video for this song on Video Hits as a child; I've loved it ever since so i'm happy to start a review of it. While I have 5 successful FAC's, be advised I've never taken a song article to FAC before. I've actually only recently got my first song article to GA, and currently also have it nominated for peer review (see here) with the hopes of taking it to FAC, so I guess we're both in the same boat there, anyway... "in different outfits, and fighting with each other" – pretty sure this would be better if simplified to "in different outfits fighting with each other" "In 1997, the British media reported that she" – i'd replace "she" with "Minogue", as it's the first time she is referred to in the body, the perhaps reword the next sentence if it doesn't read well referring to her as "Minogue" again so soon. "She had begun writing the song whilst British tabloids published rumors about her private life" – are these the same rumours mentioned earlier of different ones? Clarify. "However, she re-wrote the original lyrics with Anderson and Seaman" – This is the first time you mention them in the body, so give their full names and wikilink ""Real World, Sarm West and DMC Studios" – can you wikilink any (or all) of them? "The characters were Sex Kylie, Cute Kylie, Indie Kylie and Dance Kylie" – The characters names are already mentioned, I don't think you have to mention them again. "represented herself than the other three characters" – should that say "represented herself more than the other three characters" "Although Minogue said that "Indie Kylie" was the winner of fight," – I think you should delete all of this, and just begin the sentence with "Minogue felt "Cute Kylie" represented...", as you repeat the information that "Minogue said that Indie Kylie was the winner" later on "Minogue said that Indie Kylie was the winner" – in what way was she the winner? Just in Kylie's view or actually in the music video? Clarify this to the reader. "American website BuzzFeed hosted a poll" – When? "During an interview Minogue gave to Jetstar Airways" – Since this interview was so long after the song was released I think you should add the year of the interview to the prose. Why don't you add an audio clip of the song to the article? I thoroughly recommend requesting a copyedit at the Guild of Copy Editors before taking any article to FAC Hope this helps. Ping me if you have any queries. Freikorp (talk) 12:15, 7 October 2015 (UTC) Guns N' Roses Previous peer review I've listed this article for peer review because lots of work has been done on the article and it has been significantly expanded in the past few months. I plan on eventually nominating the article for good article status and want to make sure it's up to par. Thanks, RF23 (talk) 22:59, 17 September 2015 (UTC) Comments by Retrohead I'll lose the citations from the lead, as everything mentioned in the lead should be present in the article's body. Can you somehow merge the "criticism" section with the one preceeding it? Are G N' R Lies and "The Spaghetti Incident?" considered studio albums now? Some years ago they were described as an extended play and a covers album, respectively. There's a formatting problem in ref 38. The awards and nominations section should feature the awards they've won, similarly to Megadeth#Awards. Definitely the AMA and MTV awards. GNR Lies and Spaghetti Incident are both considered studio albums. Guns N' Roses website refers to Chinese Democracy as their 6th studio album, Spaghetti Incident as the fifth, and Lies as the 2nd (while noting it was considered an EP at first). Regarding the ref formatting problem, there's a title in the ref and it isn't showing up correctly, no idea why.RF23 (talk) 18:42, 19 September 2015 (UTC) Guns N' Roses website is mirroring Wikipedia's album articles. Lies wasn't necessarily recorded with the intention of being released as one album when Live Like a Suicide was finished. Actually, it compiles the acoustic tracks with the EP, and was recorded over the course of three years. The Spaghetti Incident? isn't a proper studio album because it doesn't fullfil the definition of what a studio album is: "A studio album is an album of audio recordings made up of tracks recorded in a recording studio. A studio album contains newly written and recorded or previously unreleased or remixed material, distinguishing itself from a compilation or reissue album of previously recorded material, or live recording made at a performance venue". You can avoid this problem by losing the "studio albums" heading from the discography section--Retrohead (talk) 20:08, 21 September 2015 (UTC) Diamond Rio Previous peer review I've listed this article for peer review because it was one of my first GAs many years ago. I later had it delisted because I thought I could do a much better job. These guys were my favorite country band of the 90s, and I'd love to get it to GA. The only things I can think of immediately are a better picture (can't currently find any) and a little more on their personal lives. Other than that, I'd like to gather more suggestions on improvement before I give this another shot at GA. Thanks, Ten Pound Hammer • (What did I screw up now?) 00:01, 6 September 2015 (UTC) Comments from Richard3120: I'm not so sure the two things you mention are such a big deal – the picture isn't terrible and at least shows the band in action, and personal lives are probably the least important part of the article, especially if the partners aren't notable and we probably have to be aware of WP:BLP anyway. Reading through it there are various comments I would make if I were doing a GA review, regarding grammar and restructuring sentences and the usual, but two things cross my mind... should you have references for the birthdates of the band members, and should the section about 'Pitch issues' be included under 'Musical stylings'? I wonder if it might be better in the preceding section, before the paragraph about 'Outside contributions', as it seems to have more in common with their career than their influences and style. Richard3120 (talk) 23:51, 16 September 2015 (UTC) @Richard3120: It might be possible to contact the band and ask if they'd be willing to submit a picture, as I was successful in doing this for The Kentucky Headhunters. I put a reference for the members' birthdays, and moved the "Pitch issues" section to the "One More Day" subheader to fit the chronology better. Ten Pound Hammer • (What did I screw up now?) 01:21, 17 September 2015 (UTC) Comments from 16912 Rhiannon: I spotted this at WikiProject Biography and took a quick peek. I agree with Richard, the picture is high quality and better than those in many band articles. One thing I noticed you don't have (yet) is a table of album / single releases showing their chart positions per WikiProject Discographies, which seems like it would be a nice addition. Hope this helps! 16912 Rhiannon (Talk · COI) 15:55, 25 September 2015 (UTC) @16912 Rhiannon: I don't have the chart position tables on the main page because it's split off onto Diamond Rio discography. They have enough albums and singles that leaving it in the main article would be too long. Ten Pound Hammer • (What did I screw up now?) 23:38, 25 September 2015 (UTC) Ahhh, so sorry, I totally missed that link in the article. You're right, it would be really long to include in this article and is nicely done in the discography. 16912 Rhiannon (Talk · COI) 12:08, 28 September 2015 (UTC) Misty Copeland Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 5 September 2015, 12:39 UTC Last edit: 29 September 2015, 19:37 UTC Only Girl (In the World) Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 2 September 2015, 16:21 UTC Last edit: 7 September 2015, 17:21 UTC Loham I've listed this article for peer review because…article is on start class, and not checked for B class. Thanks, Charles Turing (talk) 09:42, 28 August 2015 (UTC) Comments from RO Lead The first sentence is too long and should end after "state of Kerala". Per WP:LEADCITE, those citations ought to be in the body of the article, but not the lead. The film is produced by "The film was produced by"? But this WP:FILMLEAD says lead should be in present tense. Charles Turing (talk) 17:27, 29 August 2015 (UTC) Actress Mythili debuted as assistant director through the film Drop "through the film". commenced in Calicut on March 2015. "commenced in Calicut in March 2015.", unless you give a specific date. Plot What is meant by "inside-outside story". Development And source close to the production team Should that "and" be "a"? Some various issues with subject verb agreement in this section. Later the project was also cancelled soon Needs polishing. the script didn't come well I sense a language barrier here. Be sure to ask a native English speaker to copyedit this for grammar. Casting At the end of April 2015, reports came that Prithviraj being out of the project Needs polishing Crew which shelved 10 days before production "which was shelved 10 days before production"? Filming The filming was done in locations across Kozhikode, Kochi, Delhi and Dubai.[43] It's odd to tack this on at the end, as it reads as a topic sentence that ought to come earlier in the section. Marketing where Andrea, Ranjith and Mohanlal was seen What is meant by "was seen"? Mohanlal said Loham talks about a serious issue in Kerala and hinted that the story may seem impossible in real life, but then that is cinema for you. This is too informal, particularly "but then that is cinema for you", which reads as an unattributed quote. Soundtrack The film's music is composed by Sreevalsan J. Menon and all lyrics are written by There are issues with tense here and elsewhere, as this should be: "The film's music was composed by Sreevalsan J. Menon and all lyrics were written by". Release which undergone during July 2015 This nonrestrictive ought to be set off with commas, and more issues with tense ironed out. Critical reception Never begin a section with a one-sentence intro. Integrate into proper paragraphs. Organize this section better. Right now it's just a list of unconnected points. Make one paragraph positive and another negative, then wrap up with a third of more neutral comments. Box office Some special screenings was arranged "Some special screenings were arranged" Conclusion A valiant effort for sure, but I'm concerned about language barrier. The prose has decent bones, but it is littered with grammatical errors. Most of these are easy to fix, but the article needs a top to bottom copyedit by someone who can fix them before this goes to GAN. If you want some help just ask me at my talk, and I'll see what I can make time for, as it's a good article overall; it just needs lots of polishing. Keep up the great work! RO(talk) 16:04, 29 August 2015 (UTC) Surprisingly the major contributors are from anonymous random IP addresses. So there is no one to ask for help other than the administrators. And that is a great effort you have taken to read the entire article. Thanks for that. It will be very helpful if you could polish the article when time allows or by recommending more peer reviewers to take a look at the page. Thank You for you great support. --Charles Turing (talk) 16:59, 29 August 2015 (UTC) Impossible Princess Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 28 August 2015, 03:58 UTC Last edit: 2 September 2015, 06:44 UTC By the Bluest of Seas Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 27 August 2015, 18:27 UTC Last edit: 13 October 2015, 18:08 UTC Rod Steiger Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 25 August 2015, 17:21 UTC Last edit: 8 September 2015, 14:25 UTC List of awards received by Lecrae Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 11 August 2015, 04:00 UTC Last edit: 3 September 2015, 04:38 UTC LiSA (Japanese musician, born 1987) Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 28 July 2015, 03:58 UTC Last edit: 4 September 2015, 18:57 UTC Thom Yorke I've been picking away at this article for a while now. I think it's much improved since I started, but I don't think it's ready for a GA nomination and I'd like to get another pair of eyes on it to see what can be improved, particularly the "Musical approach" section. Thanks! Popcornduff (talk) 17:30, 20 July 2015 (UTC) Comments from Calvin999 There are some dead links For genres, instruments, assoc. acts, labels etc, you can use a hlist so it bullet points them and makes them clear. See "Man Down" info box for an example. Associated acts generally are only included if there are three or more notable instances/songs/recordings/collaborations where Yorke has worked with someone. Not just once or twice. best known as the singer and principal songwriter of the alternative rock band Radiohead. He is known → Repetition of known is an English musician best known as the singer and principal songwriter of the alternative rock band Radiohead. → is an English musician. He is the lead singer and principal songwriter of the alternative rock band, Radiohead. (link alternative rock too) He is known for his falsetto vocals. As a multi-instrumentalist, Yorke mainly plays guitar and piano, but also plays synthesiser, bass guitar and drums. → He is known for his use of falsetto, and is a multi-instrumentalist. While he predominantly plays guitar and piano, he also plays the synthesiser, bass guitar and the drums. with schoolmates. → with his schoolmates. After he finished his degree at the → After graduating from the The 2000 Radiohead → Which album was this? First, second, third? saw Yorke move → It's not just him if he is part of a band In 2009, to perform the album live, he formed Atoms for Peace with musicians including Flea and longtime producer Nigel Godrich → This reads awkwardly, especially the second clause the band released an original album, → So was their previous material covers and not original work? he creates artwork for Radiohead's albums. → he creates the the bands album artworks. Use of one line paragraphs/sentences should be kept to a bare minimum per criteria. There are a few instances of this, as well as two line paragraphs. I personally think it makes the article look messy and unfinished; a paragraph should ideally be 4 to 5 sentences. Yorke has been critical of the music industry, → Why? and with Radiohead and his solo work has pioneered alternative music → Should be a new sentence. wear a patch over his eye. → You don't need to say "over his eye" because a patch already indicates that. Yorke's family moved frequently. Yorke's → Repetition of Yorke successively. after his son's birth; → after his birth; Yorke was seven. Yorke moved → Repetition of Yorke close together again The whole Early life section sys Yorke a lot to be honest. I know it's his name but you can use 'he', 'the singer' etc. worked a few jobs → worked at various jobs worldwide hit single → the article for Creep doesn't have any chart positions. What made it a hit exactly? By the time of Radiohead's second album, → By the release of their second album but Yorke was ambivalent about this success → Need context Ref 1: The Guardian, not guardian.co.uk Ref 5: link The Observer Ref 11: link The New Yorker Ref 18: Problem with the formatting, red link. 26 and 27 are missing publishers and dates. Same with 84 Ref 113 Don't WP:SHOUT There's inconsistency with the date formatting throughout the references. Hope this helps. I think it needs quite a lot of work. I don't think it would pass a GAN right now. Ping me if you need more help or have questions.  — Calvin999 15:50, 28 August 2015 (UTC) Thanks so much. Yeah, I don't think it's ready for GA either - I've yet to really undertake that particular mission, but wanted some more feedback first. All your points are appreciated. Popcornduff (talk) 01:47, 29 August 2015 (UTC) Beautiful Monsters Tour Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 17 July 2015, 02:07 UTC Last edit: 17 September 2015, 22:59 UTC Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814 Previous peer review I've listed this article for peer review because… I'd like to nominate this for Wikipedia:Featured article candidates and I'd like the most critical peer review possible to work it up to FAC presentation. Thanks, The Bookkeeper (of the Occult) 23:56, 9 July 2015 (UTC) Comments from Calvin999 This has been waiting a few weeks without response, so here's some comments from what I found looking at the article. Alphabetise the genres in the info box Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814 is the fourth studio album by American recording artist Janet Jackson, released on September 19, 1989, by A&M Records. → Long winded. Try: Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814 is the fourth studio album by American recording artist Janet Jackson. It was released on September 19, 1989, by A&M Records. Despite label executives desiring → Although label executives wanted Collaborating with record producers → Collaborating with musical duo (since they are songwriters and producers) for youth because → for youth groups because (I doubt she was a role model for all youth) Notable for → Noted for (?) Songs range → The songs range appeal along multiple → appeal across multiple sixfold → six-times , among other publications "best of" album lists. → Unless you're going to give an example(s), I'd remove this. It has been cited as an influence in various musical trends, inspiring numerous artists. → Such as? It is only album → A word is missing here For further promotion, → What was the previous promotion in order for this to be further? She became regarded → To me, to reads a bit awkward She became regarded as a fashion icon, with her "Rhythm Nation" attire being emulated by youth. → What attire? producer Jimmy Jam later → Link Jimmy Jam. Jimmy Jam stated → Jam stated (Use surname only following the first mention) The Background section, I think, is too reliant on long quotations. According to Jimmy Jam, → Same here, use Jam Actually, make: According to Jimmy Jam, he, Terry Lewis and Jackson → Jam, Lewis and Jackson Prior its recording, → Missing word sixfold platinum → six-times platinum The first two paragraphs of Release and commercial performance should remain as so. But the following paragraphs discussing the singles should be in their own section called Singles You start Composition and production, Release and commercial performance and Critical reception with "The album" Elizabeth the Queen Mother → Queen Elizabeth The Queen Mother Rhythm Nation World Tour 1990 is far too detailed. It should be one, perhaps two, paragraphs at the very most. There's no point having a Main article tag if this much info is being used. In the Accolades section, you either have prose or a table, not both, as it's repeating the same thing. The Organization column should be marked up for access (shaded grey) and I would rename it to Ceremony. I don't think magazine ranks should be included here, they aren't 'awards' as such. Tables like this should also go at the bottom of an article, with the others. All songs except interludes and "Black Cat" are co-produced by Janet Jackson. → A bit irrelevant. United Kingdom Albums → UK Albums Chart There doesn't seem to be many charts? I'm actually going to buy this album now, I want to listen to it after reading this. Please ping me if you have any comments of questions. Hope this helps.  — Calvin999 15:48, 25 August 2015 (UTC) Thank you for the notes. I hope to continue editing the article over the weekend. The Bookkeeper (of the Occult) 14:03, 28 August 2015 (UTC) You're welcome. I actually bought this album yesterday.  — Calvin999 15:24, 28 August 2015 (UTC) Circus Juventas Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 23 June 2015, 16:22 UTC Last edit: 25 August 2015, 09:35 UTC Everyday life Craig Kieswetter I've taken this article through the GA review system, and am looking to take it on to FA, but if there's one thing I'm sure about, it's that my prose will get picked apart something chronic! Therefore, any nit-picking that can take place here will hopefully make life easier later on. Thanks in advance for any moans, comments, complaints and general nattering. Harrias talk 17:32, 21 October 2015 (UTC) Comments from Relentlessly Copy-editing done. I've added a {{fact}} or two. One other small thing: you use "accumulating" a few times. I know you need some synonyms for "scored", but "accumulate" is an odd one. It seems more of an Atherton/Cook word than a Kieswetter word! This is obviously already a good article. There isn't a whole lot wrong with it! Relentlessly (talk) 21:36, 21 October 2015 (UTC) Image review Overall looks good. I'd personally accept the fair use rationale for that last image, though I recognize that not everyone will agree. — Chris Woodrich (talk) 23:30, 21 October 2015 (UTC) St Andrews University Canoe Club I've listed this article for peer review because I'm not sure on the best way to proceed to improve / expand it. Suggestions for content would be useful as well as the usual style etc. guidance. Thanks, Jamesmcmahon0 (talk) 09:59, 20 October 2015 (UTC) Resident Evil 5 We have brought this article to GA-status and would like to ultimately get it to FA-status. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks,  StarScream1007  ►Talk  16:10, 19 October 2015 (UTC) Scotland national football team Previous peer review I've listed this article for peer review because… it is several years since the article was last reviewed (or discussed at FAC). Another user has nominated the article for Today's FA, but other users have raised concerns about the article's quality. Thanks, Jmorrison230582 (talk) 10:12, 19 October 2015 (UTC) Cristiano Ronaldo Hi guys. I wanted to list this article for peer review because, being about one of the greatest footballers of all time, I honestly think it should be good enough to be promoted to GA. I haven't gone through the entire article myself, but at a glance it seems like the article shouldn't be too far away from becoming GA-rated and getting featured on the association football portal; referencing seems more than adequate in every section of the article in particular. Also seeing as it is mostly written in British English, any American English within the article should be converted to British English, while minor grammatical and formatting mistakes could be dealt with. Davykamanzi → talk • contribs • alter ego 19:06, 17 October 2015 (UTC) S.L. Benfica I've listed this article for peer review because a user suggested it. TODO: Check prose, tone and grammar; remove American English; remove paragraphs with one or two lines if necessary. Thanks, SLBedit (talk) 18:51, 11 October 2015 (UTC) Obsidian Entertainment Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 28 September 2015, 14:41 UTC Last edit: 21 October 2015, 03:46 UTC Maximum break Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 17 September 2015, 18:01 UTC Last edit: 21 October 2015, 19:08 UTC Belgium national football team Previous peer review I've listed this GA-rated article for peer review because I would like someone to screen it on text parts or sentences with a less encyclopaedic tone. Ultimately, I want to nominate this article for featured status. So, the main issue is identifying rather poorly written text, but suggestions on how to improve the text or other aspects of the article are also welcome. Thanks, Kareldorado (talk) 20:03, 10 September 2015 (UTC) Comments from Cirt Comments (having stumbled here from my Peer Review) Thank you very much for your efforts to contribute to Quality improvement on Wikipedia, it's really most appreciated !!! NOTE: Please respond, below entire set of comments, and not interspersed throughout, thanks! The next two attempts to reach the finals of a major tournament were also in vain. = unsourced factual assertion. and in the last they shared the 1999 Kirin Cup with Peru. = unsourced factual assertion. previously, the badge depicted a yellow lion on a black shield, an emblem similar to the escutcheon in the national coat of arms. = unsourced. was engaged as godfather, and also other (ex-)footballers of foreign origin in the Belgian top division participated. = unsourced. several of these Olympians later appeared in the senior team. Even though the 2010 World Cup and Euro 2012 were not reached, the popularity and belief in an upcoming major tournament continued to rise again. = unsourced. Very nice job with in-line citations for the factual assertions in the Footnotes sect, nicely done here !!! Lack of balance in lede sect, last paragraph is two-sentence-long-paragraph. For article of this size, recommend four paragraphs of 4-5 sentences each. Recommend posting to WP:GOCE to request a copyedit from the WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors. Suggest placing neutrally-worded notice to talk pages of relevant WikiProjects linking to this Peer Review and asking for additional comments. Overall article could be more concise with more succinct wording. I see there is already a daughter article at History of the Belgium national football team -- perhaps try to split off some info there, and summarize, back in this article, instead. Similar to lede, some imbalance in size of paragraphs in article body text. Some are short, others quite long. Recommend trying to increase balance and help reader with overall article flow, break up some big paragraphs, try to get them to about 4-5 sentences each, max. Mascot/logo - two-sentence-long-paragraph deserves its own entire subsection? Suggest expanding this one to one full paragraph, or upmerge somewhere perhaps. NOTE: Please respond, below entire set of comments, and not interspersed throughout, thanks! I see quite a lot of research and effort has gone into this. Quite well done so far. Good luck, — Cirt (talk) 23:04, 19 October 2015 (UTC) Persona (series) I've listed this article for peer review because… I feel that it can be brought up to Featured Article standards, but I need some advice and tips from other editors on how to improve it before it is brought up for FA review. I am fully expecting faults in the grammar and such, but I would also like any other faults that are seen with the references or the usage of images to be pointed out so I may either address the problem or explain it in some way. --ProtoDrake (talk) 18:42, 22 August 2015 (UTC) Thanks, ProtoDrake (talk) 18:42, 22 August 2015 (UTC) Alright, seeing how this has been up for almost a month with no responses, I guess I'll take a look at this. Never done any reviews on Wikipedia, but since there's kind of a backlog of GAN, FAN, and Reviews for Video game articles, I guess I'll try and thin out as much as I can. I'll have some comments by tonight. Famous Hobo (talk) 21:49, 18 September 2015 (UTC) Alright, here we go. First off, just a few nitpicks regarding the intro: Other third-party companies such as Ghostlight and NIS America have published titles in Europe. - Maybe include this information as a footnote, kind of like what Grand Theft Auto V does for the developer section of it's infobox. While it is important, I don't think it necessarily needs its own sentence. The series is a spin-off from the developer's Megami Tensei franchise. - Which developer? I'm assuming your'e talking about Atlus. The first entry in the series, Revelations: Persona (released in Japan as Megami Ibunroku Persona), was released in 1996, and since then there have been seven further entries... - Replacing the and with a period sounds better. The series began life as a spin-off... - Life isn't needed. ...and combat utilizing Personas. - Does Personas need to be capitalized? In the third paragraph, any mention of the word west should be capitalized. ...beginning with Persona 2, the localizations have been notably faithful... - Which Persona 2? Since the release of Persona,... - Persona should be changed to Revelations: Persona as it was already written as it's full name in the same paragraph. Specific entries have earned both praise and controversy over their content and themes. - This caught my attention, as I wasn't aware that the series had received controversy. However, you might want to expand upon it a bit more, as simply citing the content and themes isn't enough. I skimmed through the article and saw that the series was controversial for stuff like Nazism and religious stuff. Maybe make a short mention of that. Looking over my comments, it's pretty clear most were small nitpicks at best. Since I normally don't do peer reviews, some of my comments might sound useless and trivial. If that's the case, please say so. The intro is very well written, and does a nice job of summarizing the whole article. If the main content is written like the intro, the I'm very excited to read the rest of the article, though I probably won't be able to get much done tonight in terms of comments, kind of want to work on getting this bad boy up for GAN. I'll have more comments tomorrow. Famous Hobo (talk) 06:19, 19 September 2015 (UTC) Titles: For main titles, it looks kind of empty. There's no mention of the gameplay or plot for any of the games. I know the gameplay is mentioned later in common elements, but I like what Kingdom Hearts does for it's main titles, so maybe something like that. while a spin-off featuring the casts of Persona 3 and 4, it is classed by Atlus as an official entry in the Persona canon. - Worded awkwardly. ...a 3D dungeon crawler set within the environments of Persona. - Add a wikilink for Dungeon crawler, as most non gamers don't know what that is. Sorry for not being able to do more, just got home a little bit ago, and I'm beat as hell. I really need to stop making unnecessary deadlines for myself. Anyway, looks great. I'm sure that after some small edits, this will be FA ready in no time. Famous Hobo (talk) 07:24, 20 September 2015 (UTC) Killer Instinct Gold I know that a page is nearly ready for FA when I've exhausted every possible avenue of sources. Although this article did not exist a few days ago, it is now (hands down) the most complete and authoritative resource for the game on the Internet. It has contemporaneous sources from the 90s and goes through to the Rare Replay reviews—only one major reviewer had something to say about it. It has some nice flourishes in the Dev section, and I think it's about done. Anyone have any advice on how it may be improved before I bring it to FAC? Thanks, – czar 09:58, 7 August 2015 (UTC) By the way, I'm aware of the current CS1 "bad date" error. I think it should be okay and brought it up for discussion – czar 10:02, 7 August 2015 (UTC) Comments from JM I think I played one of the Killer Instinct games, but I can't remember which one... It might be worth thinking about the player/player character distinction- for example, "players fight on a 2D plane" is wrong; players control characters who fight on a 2D plane. I'm guessing that this is potentially something which will throw non-gamers "Reviewers preferred the Gold Nintendo 64 port to its arcade version" Picky, but Gold didn't have an arcade version, if I understand correctly. Gold was the non-arcade version of Killer Instinct 2. I think "face-off" is a noun- "face off" would be the verb "Gold also features a new camera with automatically zoom functions to better frame the fight" This doesn't work "Some voiceovers are missing from the Nintendo 64 release." As opposed to what? "A departure from fighting games such as Street Fighter" Perhaps this should be "In a departure"? "for 90s video games" This should probably be "for '90s video games" or "for 1990s video games". "wrote that Gold was decent" Slightly odd "(better than the other option, Mortal Kombat Trilogy" Specifically, the other option in the same genre You know this, but I'm not keen on personification of publications- AllGame doesn't say things, writers for AllGame say them "but one reviewer commented that Gold had few other positive features" One reviewer from Game Informer? Is "extempore" a noun? I think you're using it as one. Just a little thing, but in the lead you talk about reviewers wanting a "graphical update", but in the prose it just seems that reviewers wanted better graphics. Judging from the review scores in the box, I think you might be able to give a better impression that a lot of viewers were, overall, not particularly impressed. Especially for FAC purposes, I would say that the generic rationale for the screenshot is not appropriate. Especially given the extensive discussion of the graphics, I do feel that the image is justified, but that doesn't mean that a good rationale isn't necessary. This is all very picky- the article does strike me as very strong. Josh Milburn (talk) 18:30, 23 August 2015 (UTC) Another quick thought- especially given that there's no real story to speak of and that other video game articles would have a story section, perhaps a list of characters would be a useful addition? I'm not certain about this. It does strike me as something that I'd personally be interested in seeing, especially if I knew other games in the series. Josh Milburn (talk) 18:54, 23 August 2015 (UTC) Engineering and technology Tillie the All-Time Teller I've listed this article for peer review because I think the overall quality of the article needs to be improved. Thanks, Proud User (talk) 10:15, 7 October 2015 (UTC) Microprinting I've listed this article for peer review because I have recently over the past couple of days added substantial content to the article and essentially rewritten the entire article. I've improved the article as best I can and request feedback for further improving this article for good article review. Please ping me when ready to review. Thanks. David Condrey log talk 07:41, 5 October 2015 (UTC) I've made a quick pass over this for a few grammatical errors; it may be worth checking to see if I've missed anything similar. Something to avoid is the use of paragraphs of one or two lines; there's one in the lead which is particularly prominent, and a few elsewhere throughout. Links with disambiguation terms (like "intaglio (printmaking)") should be piped to hide the baggage; in this instance you want "intaglio". The bracketed terms are more for indexing articles than for use in prose. "Sandwiching" text between a right- and left-aligned image is to be avoided; where possible try to offset these images vertically so they aren't on the same level horizontally. It might be worth dropping one of the images used to facilitate this too, though which one is up to you. Acronyms should be spelt out first, then noted in brief, so "MICR (Magnetic Ink Character Recognition)" should be "Magnetic Ink Character Recognition (MICR)" (there's also no need for the title casing here, either). Measurements should ideally use some sort of conversion ({{convert}} is your friend), so inches can also be read as centimetres, etc. "See also" links shouldn't include anything already linked in the article. A good chunk of the article seems to be uncited; if you have a few paragraphs supported by one citation, repeat it in each of those paragraphs—this isn't necessary in consecutive sentences in the same paragraph, however, but the break between paragraphs would necessitate it if this is the case. Obviously, if this isn't the case then the material will need to be cited to a reliable source of its own. I hope these comments have been of some use to you; I tend to comment on, rather than action, minor changes as I feel it's good to know why they're needed, but a lot of what's going on here is relatively minor. The last point however is the most important. GRAPPLE X 10:53, 5 October 2015 (UTC) @Grapple X: thanks for reviewing the article. Sorry for the delay in replying. I just saw your comments this evening. I will review your comments more thoroughly and reply afterwards. Just wanted to let you know.. thanks. David Condrey log talk 08:55, 21 October 2015 (UTC) 4INFO I've listed this article for peer review because it's been majorly improved. Thanks, MarkMillerITPro (talk) 18:24, 2 October 2015 (UTC) Kawasaki Heavy Industries C151 I finally had some time to have another go at article writing again. This article has been substantially rewritten with a view of hopefully making it the first electric multiple unit article to reach FA status (however impossible it seems these days). The closest standard I could base it on is OS MX3000 (a GA). - Mailer Diablo 08:11, 9 June 2015 (UTC) Just off the top of my head: Two citation needed tags need fixing. Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk, contributions) 12:56, 8 July 2015 (UTC) Thanks. They have been newly added after the review was started. Will go through them slowly. - Mailer Diablo 13:59, 17 July 2015 (UTC) Just fixed the cn tags. - Mailer Diablo 15:35, 17 July 2015 (UTC) Comments from RO Lead is a type of train that is one of the four current types This needs polishing. four cars were purchased By whom? These trains were manufactured from 1986 to 1989 in batches by a Japanese consortium headed by Kawasaki Heavy Industries How about, "The trains were manufactured in batches from 1986 to 1989, by a Japanese consortium headed by Kawasaki Heavy Industries"? Tendering process submitted bids for what they had nicknamed the "Big One".[ Drop "had"; no need for past perfect. Competition for the contract was so fierce "Fierce" is a bit loaded for encyclopedic writing. However, analysts became concerned that a measuring Avoid using "however" in formal writing. Initial construction during the 1984 National Exhibition held in November 1984 at World Trade Centre.[18] No need to say 1984 twice. The colour scheme of each adjacent car's interior is distinct to make car identification in cases of fault reporting easier for passengers This confused me. What's fault reporting? consume 50% less electricity Should be "50 percent". Second refurbishment Why no cost estimate for the second refurbishment? It would be interesting to see if the move saved over the rolling stock. Train Formation Some of the details here appear to be uncited. Make sure everything is properly sourced. Conclusion It's a nice piece overall. Some sections, such as Operational details, are a little too technical, but maybe that can't be avoided. There are also parts that are a little dry with detail, but again, maybe that's the nature of this type of article. Seems pretty comprehensive, but it'd be interesting to know if they saved money by going the refurbishment route after those later repairs were made. Nicely done; keep up the great work! RO(talk) 20:46, 29 August 2015 (UTC) General International Tennis Federation I've listed this article for peer review because… I want to upgrade to FA level when others are reviewing GAN of this article: Checking grammar errors. Checking or adding some files. Checking reliable sources. Thanks, 333-blue 08:57, 20 October 2015 (UTC) Norodom Sihanouk Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 9 October 2015, 11:59 UTC Last edit: 9 October 2015, 11:59 UTC Fullstack Academy I've listed this article for peer review because… It is a new article and needs to establish credibility (i.e. clearness of language, neutrality, accuracy of information). Thanks, DanFromCLE (talk) 14:59, 1 October 2015 (UTC) Ridge Racer (video game) I've listed this article for peer review because I've been working on getting this article up to GA standards and I'd like some feedback before I nominate it. It was C-class before I started and I have got it up to B class. I have since made further improvements and I think it's pretty close but there may still be one or two unreliable sources. Is there anything that needs further expansion? Any feedback is appreciated. Thanks, Adam9007 (talk) 00:45, 28 September 2015 (UTC) Mullion School I've listed this article for peer review because although the school is relatively notable and has been in the news, I am struggling to improve it. Thanks, samtar (msg) 17:39, 25 September 2015 (UTC) Richard LaBrie I've listed this article for peer review because why not Thanks, TheWarOfArt (talk) 02:38, 22 September 2015 (UTC) Comments from Freikorp I think that, considering how short the article is, having sub-sections is unnecessarily complicating things. You can definitely get rid of the 'Editor', 'Emmy nomination' and 'Director' sub-sections and merge these four sentences into one paragraph, unless the sub-sections are considerably expanded of course. Other than that the only thing this article really needs is a good expansion. Where and when was he born would be a good start. Ping me if you have any queries. Freikorp (talk) 05:53, 26 September 2015 (UTC) First Tennessee Park I've listed this article for peer review because I believe it meets the criteria to become a Featured Article, but want some feedback first since it has been a few years since my last FA. Thanks, NatureBoyMD (talk) 17:14, 14 September 2015 (UTC) Comments from Cirt Comments (having stumbled here from my Peer Review) Thank you very much for your efforts to contribute to Quality improvement on Wikipedia, it's really most appreciated !!! NOTE: Please respond, below entire set of comments, and not interspersed throughout, thanks! Checklinks tool - http://dispenser.homenet.org/~dispenser/cgi-bin/webchecklinks.py?page=First_Tennessee_Park - shows a few issues. Recommend archiving links via Wayback Machine by the Internet Archive with WP:CIT fields archivedate and archiveurl. Per WP:LEADCITE, info presently cited in lede is non-controversial and not-contentious, as long as it's later same material covered, and cited, in article body text, can remove those citations from lede. Per WP:LEAD, article intro sect should be able to function as standalone summary of entire article's contents. Suggest for length of article this size, expanding lede sect to 4 total paragraphs of at least 4 sentences each paragraph. Copyvio Detector - https://tools.wmflabs.org/copyvios/?lang=en&project=wikipedia&title=First+Tennessee+Park&oldid=&action=search&use_engine=0&use_links=1 - shows no problems here. Excellent job here, nicely done !!! Very nice job with overall structure and layout. Article has good flow for reader, throughout article body text. File:FirstTennesseeParkLogo.png = great job on fair use rationale at image page here. Article body text has some two-sentence-long-paragraphs and short paragraphs. Suggest expanding them, or upmerging them. Other events - this seems like something that could be ripe for expansion at least by a few sentences, how many attendees, etc? Other touches, such as seating section and restroom signs shaped like guitar picks and the use of red, black, and platinum silver, help the ballpark identify with Nashville's country music heritage and embrace the Nashville Sounds' visual identity. - unsourced. are located on the straightaway center field wall and on each side of the backstop. - unsourced. Walking vendors also traverse the stadium selling canned soft drinks and beer, water, peanuts, Cracker Jack, and other easily toted items. - yes, occurs at most stadiums, but still, unsourced here. Ground rules - in this sect, unclear if the in-line citation applies just to first sentence, or all of that sect. Quite an excellent job with referencing and use of in-line citations, throughout the article, very well done here. Recommend posting to WP:GOCE to request a copyedit from the WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors. Suggest placing neutrally-worded notice to talk pages of relevant WikiProjects linking to this Peer Review and asking for additional comments. NOTE: Please respond, below entire set of comments, and not interspersed throughout, thanks! I see quite a lot of research and effort has gone into this. Quite well done so far. Good luck, — Cirt (talk) 23:22, 19 October 2015 (UTC) Susan Gerbic I've listed this article for peer review because… I want some feedback before I offer it for GA. Thanks, Jerod Lycett (talk) 03:15, 3 September 2015 (UTC) Comments from Freikorp Typically the lead should be at least two paragraphs for GA. Also I think the information about where she was born, and possibly her education also, should be placed after the first sentence rather than at the end of the lead. The lead should summarise information in the article, though information about her parents and when/where she was born is not mentioned outside of the lead (where she "grew up" is mentioned, but that's not the same). Information about her portrait studio and BA is also not mentioned outside the lead. I very much dislike the first section title 'Skepticism'; the article should open with a section title/informaiton along the lines of 'Early life'. Gerber was born in 1962 but by the fifth sentence of the article we're up to the year 2000? Quote "It was very powerful when I started making edits." - You should give a time for this quote; what year was it made, and maybe also add where it was made. Avoid contractions such as "aren't" as per MOS:N'T Every paragraph should have at least one reference. The paragraph beginning with "Gerbic found it odd what friends said about her diagnosis" has none. The last sentence in the preceding paragraph ("I have breast cancer") should also have an inline citation I think the sub-section on hats is, frankly, a bit silly. At best this should be merged with the cancer section. It doesn't need it's own sub-section. Reconsider some uses the word "claim" as per WP:WORDS. Hope this helps. Freikorp (talk) 14:36, 17 September 2015 (UTC) Thanks, I'm going to start looking at this and see what I can improve. Jerod Lycett (talk) 05:18, 18 September 2015 (UTC) Highland cattle Previous peer review I've listed this article for peer review because it failed at FAC and I was wondering how it would swing now? Any help is appreciated! Thanks, TheMagikCow (talk) 11:36, 1 September 2015 (UTC) Comment by Sagaciousphil Just a quick drive-by comment: there are several sources that appear to be personal websites; these are not reliable sources so should not be used. SagaciousPhil - Chat 15:52, 10 September 2015 (UTC) Fixed. Thanks for pointing this out! TheMagikCow (talk) 15:53, 11 September 2015 (UTC) There are still several remaining. SagaciousPhil - Chat 16:00, 11 September 2015 (UTC) Ahhh... Sorry my fault. Just refs 15 and 17? TheMagikCow (talk) 16:22, 11 September 2015 (UTC) Should be fixed. TheMagikCow (talk) 16:32, 11 September 2015 (UTC) There is still Willowbrook Park and ref # 4 is a blog. SagaciousPhil - Chat 16:36, 11 September 2015 (UTC) Kemi Omololu-Olunloyo I've listed this article for peer review because… I feel there is too much self promotion on the article and an editor with a COI is continuously editing the article to white wash away any negative connotations of the sequence of events that transpired, most of my edits were relative when it came to discussion of controversies with the subject matter, there is currently an edit war transpiring and I would just like some neutral points of view to discuss where to go from here, wikicohen is referencing glowing articles about herself from a source, events transpired and the same source is being referenced for some material that doesn't paint the subject in a good light which wikicohen then "polishes up" the COI is continuously "rewording" and reverting large chunks of text. Something I wish to note the editor wikicohen appears to be logging out and editing the article and slandering me in the process which I sure is not exactly encouraged on wikipedia. thank you for your time in viewing my request. Thanks, I/O (talk) 15:24, 28 August 2015 (UTC) Comments from Freikorp Just some neutral observations at the moment, I haven't looked into the edit war of conflicts of interest. The lead is supposed to summarise the article. The lead says she is known as "Snitchlady", yet no explanation of this is given in the body. "Background" isn't really an appropriate section. This should be changed to 'Early life', and the information about her deportation should be removed as this is covered later. It needs to be clarified that the men she exposed on social media were soliciting sex specifically from her, rather than just in general. This area could be fleshed out a lot. What were the relations to her exposing them? Why is she refereed to as "Ms. Olukemi Omololu-Olunloyo", "Olukemi (Kemi) Olunloyo" and "Kemi Olunloyo" in the final section? This is confusing as all hell. You should just refer to her by the same, consistent last name after the lead unless there is a specific reason why you are referring to her by so many names, in which case this should be clearly explained. Hope this helps. Ping me if you have any queries. Freikorp (talk) 06:21, 26 September 2015 (UTC) Geography and places Soldado Rock I've listed this article for peer review because it has been substantially overhauled recently, and I would like some feedback on areas that it could be further improved. Thanks, --  R45  talk! 15:36, 20 October 2015 (UTC) Uturunku I've listed this article for peer review because I sort of wanted to see if it can pass a GA nomination in its current state. Thanks, Jo-Jo Eumerus (talk, contributions) 14:47, 11 October 2015 (UTC) Climate of Argentina I've listed this article for peer review because I need comments related to the structure, lead sentence structure (after all the info has been added) and how to keep the text concise without losing any important information. I have been looking at other articles such as Climate of India and Climate of Minnesota as good examples in creating the structure of this article. This article does have the potential to become a good article or a featured article, particularly after improving and expanding this article for 4 months. However I am wondering where there should be a section dedicated to explaining the general factors (eg. atmospheric circulation patterns) since I think it would be good in explaining to readers why Argentina's climate is the way it is (why certain areas are dry, why precipitation is highly seasonal, why extreme minimum temperatures are much lower for its latitude, etc.). This section is not present in the climate of India article but is present in the Climate of Minnesota under the title "General climatology" I would appreciate any comments related to the prose, the grammar, and the flow, which I have trouble with, particularly with the Spanish sources. Thanks, Ssbbplayer (talk) 21:24, 4 October 2015 (UTC) Utica, New York Previous peer review I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to improve it for FAC at some point. Thanks, Buffaboy talk 00:32, 11 September 2015 (UTC) Comments from Cirt Comments (having stumbled here from my Peer Review) Thank you very much for your efforts to contribute to Quality improvement on Wikipedia, it's really most appreciated !!! NOTE: Please respond, below entire set of comments, and not interspersed throughout, thanks! Footnotes in the Notes sect - please add in-line citations at ends of these to back up factual assertions. Checklinks tool - http://dispenser.homenet.org/~dispenser/cgi-bin/webchecklinks.py?page=Utica%2C_New_York - shows lots of problems. Problem defined as anything other than rating of "0" or "200" or even a "200" but with side comment is not good. Recommend archiving at the very least those links to Wayback Machine by Internet Archive using WP:CIT template fields archiveurl and archivedate. Suggest instead of all the daughter sects for references, just 3 sects with each their own 2-level subheading, being: Footnotes, Note, and References. Lede intro sect is a bit imbalanced. Two-sentence-long-paragraph in lede for last paragraph is a bit short. This is a very long article. Recommend lede length of 4 paragraphs, 5 sentences each. Notable people - not sure if this needs devoted its own sect, and the pictures should probably go too. Comes off as a bit promotional in tone. Crime and public safety - quite a short sect to require its own subsection header, suggest just have it as paragraph within its parent sect. Copyvio Detector - https://tools.wmflabs.org/copyvios/?lang=en&project=wikipedia&title=Utica%2C+New+York&oldid=&action=search&use_engine=0&use_links=1 - shows copyvio unlikely. Excellent job here, well done !!! Quite an excellent job with referencing and use of in-line citations, throughout the article, very well done here. Recommend posting to WP:GOCE to request a copyedit from the WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors. Suggest placing neutrally-worded notice to talk pages of relevant WikiProjects linking to this Peer Review and asking for additional comments. NOTE: Please respond, below entire set of comments, and not interspersed throughout, thanks! I see quite a lot of research and effort has gone into this. Quite well done so far. Good luck, — Cirt (talk) 23:13, 19 October 2015 (UTC) Thanks for the review and constructive criticism! Buffaboy talk 03:30, 20 October 2015 (UTC) Blackburn Hamlet Although I've been contributing a lot lately to Wikipedia, this is the first time I've majorly contributed to the prose of an article rather than just statistics and tables. I've referenced the hell out of it, added a few paragraphs and would really like to see how I did and possibly know if it's past its rating of start-class. Thanks a bunch, Cepiolot (talk) 01:28, 2 September 2015 (UTC) Comments from Freikorp Why is one usage of "lands" in the lead capitalised, yet the others are not? One sentence paragraphs be avoided where possible. The sentence "Blackburn Hamlet took its name..." should probably just be merged with the end of the first paragraph. Likewise the one sentence paragraphs at both the beginning and end of the 'History' section should be merged or expanded if possible. I'm not sure if it's commonplace to wikilink sub-ection titles such as "Early Childhood Education". Also i'm not convinced they need to be sub-sections; can't you just bold-heading them? In my opinion since each sub-section only contains a few words all this is accomplishing is making the infobox a lot bigger than it has to be. I should mention, however, that I don't have any experience working on articles for towns, so apologies if this style is the norm. Overall I think you've done a really good job on this article; well done. I'm upgrading this to C-class. Freikorp (talk) 06:48, 26 September 2015 (UTC) Comments from Relentlessly As Freikorp says, the one-sentence paragraphs aren't great. The first one logically belongs with the following paragraph. The last one feels unconnected to anything else: is it even something worth including? Some of the content feels a little like "Here's something I can reference, let's include it." This leads to disjointed text without a strong narrative. Can you give an overall picture of how the place has changed over time? What is its character today? Who lives there? Why? Where do they work? What do they do? I agree again that the education section has too many headers compared to content! You may like to consider the advice at WP:USEPROSE. The references in the population table are a bit mad. You should try to combine them. See WP:CITEBUNDLE. Most of the prose is fine, but there are a couple of points I'd pick up on: The first sentence of the second paragraph of the lead is two entirely unrelated facts pushed together. Make it two sentences to make it more legible. Also, to an outsider, the point about the NCC/RCMP/CFCA lands is incomprehensible. "Blackburn," should be "Blackburn", according to MOS:LQ. I hope that's helpful stuff: you've already done a decent job of this. Relentlessly (talk) 22:28, 5 October 2015 (UTC) History Metapolitefsi I've listed this article for peer review because I think that it does not use encyclopedic language, is written like an essay and not from a neutral point of view. What the article should contain is an objective summary of the Greek political scene of the 1970s. What it does contain, among other things, is an essay comparing the Greek political scene of the 1970s to Ancient Greek drama. I have to admit that it is very interesting and well-written but the problem is that it does not belong to Wikipedia. Thanks, --The Traditionalist (talk) 16:05, 22 October 2015 (UTC) Comment What it does contain, among other things, is an essay comparing the Greek political scene of the 1970s to Ancient Greek drama. Could you please point to the location of that alleged essay? I do not see any essay. I see a section "Deus ex machina" with a few short paragraphs explaining how the media treated Metapolitefsi. These few lines can hardly constitute an essay. The next section under the title "Prelude to catharsis" makes no mention of any catharsis but includes factual information about the behind-the-scenes political moves that brought Karamanlis back to Greece. Ironically the "Prelude to catharsis" section was blanked by you in a wholesale fashion when you removed both sections, a whopping 17,314 bytes from the article, without so much as an explanation or even apology. Again, the section you so blithely removed does not read like an essay as you allege. The background of how Karamanlis came back to Greece and the details of the first days after his arrival in Greece are at the heart of Metapolitefsi and your blanking effectively gutted the article. If gutting the article this way, and without acknowledging any errors on your part, is an example of your editorial judgment, suffice to say that it is a very poor one. The rest of your sweeping allegations are unsupported. I suspect it is because you cannot find any examples of unencyclopaedic writing in this well-written and extremely well-cited article. I will assume good faith and I will not speculate as to the reasons for your actions but I have to state that your approach towards this article needs considerable improvement starting with an acknowledgement that you erred in blanking the "Prelude to Catharsis" section. Dr.K. (talk) 19:33, 22 October 2015 (UTC) There's been more than enough edits to fix the problems you raise here. In fact, you've merely raised concerns about a single tidbit of information. That's not a sufficient enough reason to open a peer review. Moreover, let us not forget that I swiftly solved the 'unencyclopedic' issue with this edit. The nominee of this peer review hasn't mentioned any other "unencyclopedic" occurrences in this article, and has failed to do so at the TP as well. At any rate, I welcome any general improvements to the article through a peer review. But the assessment of this nomination is hardly a justifiable reason for such a review. Étienne Dolet (talk) 00:47, 23 October 2015 (UTC) If there is a problem with a particular section, the best approach is to re-work the section. Blanket deletion is usually not a good approach and should be avoided in all but the most extreme cases. This does not seem like such a case. There does appear to be some minor encyclopedic language, but that can easily be fixed, certainly nothing that require wholesale deletion of the whole section. Athenean (talk) 01:40, 23 October 2015 (UTC) Literary Hall I have selected Literary Hall for a Peer Review because I would like to improve its overall quality for submission to Featured Article candidacy. Any and all guidance and suggestions would be greatly appreciated as I prepare this article for FAC. Thank you! -- West Virginian (talk) 00:32, 9 October 2015 (UTC) Kingdom of Hungary (1000–1301) Previous peer review I've listed this article for peer review because because its neutrality should be checqued before its GAN. The previous peer review only concentrated on a minor aspect of the article. Thanks, Borsoka (talk) 02:38, 6 October 2015 (UTC) Operation Sandwedge I've listed this article for peer review because, although it's on the short side, it's comprehensive in its coverage of what is essentially a small cog in a big machine. I'd like to take this to FAC down the line, and have already placed a request for a GOCE copy-edit to help with the prose style. What I would like to gain from this PR is an assessment of how the article comes across to the lay reader, as it's difficult to write about something that didn't happen, especially when it is overshadowed by what did, and I'm not sure how well-weighted the material regarding the eventual Watergate affair is in light of this. Plus, any other comments that can be added would be very welcome. Thanks, GRAPPLE X 10:33, 5 October 2015 (UTC) Addendum: Since this article was written, an article on Jack Caulfield, a central figure, has been created and has introduced File:Jack Caulfield, photo portrait, Nixon Administration, black and white.jpg. It's a much better picture than the current image of the "Berlin Wall", so I'm wondering if it's preferable to go with a higher-quality picture of one participant, or a lower quality image of two together. Aesthetically the article won't really fit both. GRAPPLE X 22:01, 17 October 2015 (UTC) Comments Dead link Archived. GRAPPLE X Given that not all readers will be American, it might help to be a bit more explicit/detailed in some places. For example, you mention a bid for the vice-presidency - could you add "failed" or "successful"? I'm not American myself so I wasn't sure what was readily assumed or not but I've taken a pass and clarified a few things a little further. GRAPPLE X 21:58, 17 October 2015 (UTC) "Caulfield's noted that this firm" - is there a missing word here? Nothing missing, just an unnecessary possessive, trimmed. GRAPPLE X 21:58, 17 October 2015 (UTC) Should use fixed column size rather than fixed number of columns with {{reflist}} Done. GRAPPLE X 21:58, 17 October 2015 (UTC) Since Xlibris is a self-publishing company, expect to see Beyond Homo Sapiens questioned at FAC. Nikkimaria (talk) 01:42, 17 October 2015 (UTC) I hadn't realised that. Although I can't see anything about the book or author being particularly noteworthy in the field, I feel the book does give a good concise synthesis of information available separately, so I've backed it up with some further citations rather than removing it entirely; is it safe to just cite the other sources instead? GRAPPLE X 21:58, 17 October 2015 (UTC) Murder of Selena I've listed this article for peer review because…I would like to bring this article to featured article status. I have worked on this article for over a year and it since has been copy-edited by three different GOCE members. Thanks, jona(talk) 21:27, 26 September 2015 (UTC) Comments Dead links Fixed jona(talk) 18:39, 28 September 2015 (UTC) Don't use contractions outside of direct quotes Who holds copyright to the engraving on the gravestone? Or the Selena memorial? Are saying that the engravings on the gravestone and the memorial must be attributed to its owner, and not the person who actually took the photos? Both. In the US, freedom of panorama does not cover sculptures, so we need to account for both the copyright of the photographer and the creator of the original work. Nikkimaria (talk) 19:53, 28 September 2015 (UTC) Done. I have added Seaside Memorial Cemetery as the owner and original sculptures of the grave site and H.W. Tatum sculpted the statue and is owned by the Corpus Christi Convention & Visitors Bureau. Best, jona(talk) 12:57, 29 September 2015 (UTC) Okay, that's a good start, but what is the copyright status of the works? Nikkimaria (talk) 14:57, 29 September 2015 (UTC) Well since these are in the US and were erected in the mid and late 1990s, I guess they should be placed with a not-free-US-FOP template? jona(talk) 15:08, 29 September 2015 (UTC) (edit) There is currently a discussion about deleting the statue pictures. So should I just remove them here anyways? jona(talk) 15:13, 29 September 2015 (UTC) Your options are (a) find a reason why one or both of the statue and engraving are in the public domain or freely licensed; (b) move one or both to Wikipedia and claim fair use; or (c) remove the images. Nikkimaria (talk) 16:47, 29 September 2015 (UTC) They are not freely licensed and were taken by those who uploaded them, there is already a non-free image in the article, and I have removed the statue and grave site photos from the article. Is the prose up to standards btw? Thanks, jona(talk) 17:05, 29 September 2015 (UTC) Did the fan club have a name? No, just the "Selena fan club". jona(talk) 18:39, 28 September 2015 (UTC) Bullet caption needs a citation Done jona(talk) 18:39, 28 September 2015 (UTC) Fair-use rationale for screenshot could be more expansive Done jona(talk) 18:39, 28 September 2015 (UTC) Since Rossler massacre is currently a redlink, could we briefly summarize here? Make sure your citations are consistently formatted. Nikkimaria (talk) 01:37, 28 September 2015 (UTC) Thanks for your comments! I have successfully completed the issues you have pointed out, except for the quotations which I will work on as well as the Rossler massacre (since I never heard of this event), and re-format the citations. Thanks, jona(talk) 18:39, 28 September 2015 (UTC) Hoodening I've listed this article for peer review because it gained GA status in July and I would like to see it go to FAN in the near future. It is an article devoted to a folk custom found in the Southeastern English county of Kent, in which individuals dress up as a horse at Christmas time - if there are any editors interested in folkloristics then they may well find this very interesting! Recommendations for how to improve the prose would be particularly welcome. Thanks, Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:26, 23 September 2015 (UTC) American Civil War Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 21 September 2015, 10:13 UTC Last edit: 21 October 2015, 17:17 UTC Indian National Army Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 19 September 2015, 11:19 UTC Last edit: 22 October 2015, 00:07 UTC Chief Secretary, Singapore Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 6 August 2015, 07:59 UTC Last edit: 3 October 2015, 16:33 UTC Hormuzan I've listed this article for peer review because I need some advice on how I can improve it so I can later nominate it to become a GA. Thanks, HistoryofIran (talk) 00:14, 30 July 2015 (UTC) Comments Suggest making the lead more expansive Do we know who his father was? Generally, this is a bit hard to follow without background knowledge - suggest providing a bit more context for the reader What is the source for the information about Jalula? Nikkimaria (talk) 13:09, 7 August 2015 (UTC) Comments from RO Lead I agree with Nikkimaria. The lead needs expansion. Family and early life However, this is most likely wrong Avoid using "however" in formal writing. According to Pourshariati For one, avoid using "according to" whenever possible, and two, casual readers might not know what this is referring to, so explain or link, or both. he was part of the Parsig (Persian) faction which played a major role "which" ought to be "that", since this reads as a restrictive clause. Hormuzan owned his native place Mihragan-kadag Is that a country or region? but order was soon restored by a certain Ruzbi Drop "a certain". The Arab invasion of western Persia The first sentence of this section needs a citation. raising an army which included "raising an army that included". The Parsig faction under Piruz Khosrow, Bahman Jadhuyih and Hormuzan. The Pahlav (Parthian) faction under Rostam himself and Mihran Razi, and a Armenian contingent under Jalinus and Musel III Mamikonian. This needs some polishing. During the battle, the Sasanian army was defeated, and Shahriyar, along with Musel, Bahman, Jalinus and Rostam, were killed. The Arabs then besieged Ctesiphon. Needs a cite. The Sasanian army was once again defeated and Mihran Razi was killed. Hormuzan then again withdrew to Hormizd-Ardashir and this time chose to stay there in case the Arabs should invade his domains. Also needs a cite. began raiding in Iraq Was it called Iraq at the time? who had been making incursions Fars and Khuzestan I get the sense that there's a missing "into" here. However, he soon stopped paying tribute Avoid "however" in formal writing. under a certain Hurqus ibn Zuhayr al-Sa'di Drop "a cerain", and be sure you aren't using more anmes then necessary, because it's getting really difficult to follow all these characters. Meanwhile, Hormuzan fled As with "however", "Meanwhile" is too informal. he was once again defeated Wow. Lots of defeats in a short time. Did he win any major battles? Nevertheless, he managed to reach the city Avoid "nevertheless" The Arabs then laid siege to the city For one, it needs a cite, and for two, it's confusing because why are the Arabs laying siege? Fortunately for Hormuzan This is editorializing/POV. Don't sympathize with Hormuzan. Conclusion This is a nice little piece overall, and it was enjoyable to read. My biggest issue is that it has lots of names, so it gets a little difficult to follow what's going on. I think this is what Nikkimaria was talking about above. I also got confused over the many losses, so see if you can rework some of this narrative to make that aspect easier to understand. For example, after reading it I'm unsure if Hormuzan ever won a battle. Nicely done; keep up the great work! RO(talk) 17:20, 28 August 2015 (UTC) Comments from Midnightblueowl The lede is definitely in need of expansion. There are sentences which lack references; this definitely needs to be remedied. No page number for Rawlinson? There are prose problems; for instance "according some sources," should be "according to some sources". I hope that these suggestions for improvement prove useful to you in advancing this interesting article. Best, Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:32, 23 September 2015 (UTC) Comments. I did some copyediting per my standard disclaimer. Feel free to revert. These are my edits. - Dank (push to talk) 01:47, 7 October 2015 (UTC) Guatemalan Revolution Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 26 July 2015, 17:27 UTC Last edit: 6 October 2015, 22:54 UTC Natural sciences and mathematics Polio vaccine I've listed this article for peer review because I would like feedback regarding the possible submission of this article for consideration of FA status. Thanks, Barbara (WVS) (talk) 01:33, 26 September 2015 (UTC) Hi Barbara (WVS), just a few thoughts for the moment: I think the wording is too technical. Imagine a 7th or 10th grader reading this to get a first idea of what the vaccine is about. If you use a term like viremia, linking to the article is great, but also add a brief explanation in the sentence, that way the reader doesn’t have to stop reading and visit another article to understand. In some cases this is already done well, e.g. “using attenuated or weakened poliovirus.” Also you could replace words like immunocompetent with simpler synonyms. I’m not clear on why the section “Inactivated vaccine” is not a subsection of types. I think it would be a good idea to give a sentence or two about what polio is and how it infects the individual in or near the lead. e.g. in the inactivated section it says it “protects the motor neurons”, so it might be good for the reader to understand that the motor neurons are what gets attacked. This sentence is also a good opportunity to describe post-polio syndrome briefly. Those are my comments for now, let me know what you think and I’ll come back with more later! delldot ∇. 23:48, 26 September 2015 (UTC) Such excellent suggestions! I can't tell you how much I appreciate your opinion on this. It is so nice to have a fresh pair of eyes take a look at this. When you read something for so long...well you stop seeing the forest and the trees! If you would like to come and take another look in a week or so, that would be great. If not, that is also fine. You have turned me to the right direction. The Very Best of Regards, Barbara (WVS) (talk) 00:33, 28 September 2015 (UTC) You're very welcome! Ping me whenever you've had a chance to address these and I can give it another look. delldot ∇. 23:28, 28 September 2015 (UTC) Second look Let's work on expanding the lead. The idea is for it to be a standalone mini-article for anyone who wants just a brief overview of the whole article. So anything worth devoting a section to in the body will probably be worth a sentence or so in the lead. A couple things that pop to mind are the contamination concerns, the risk of iatrogenic infection, and an explanation of the different types. This is an introduction to the topic (experts don't need to read the encyclopedia!). By the same token, anything mentioned in the lead should be covered in greater depth in the article, so the Syria thing should be addressed. I think the History section needs some reworking. e.g. there's some repetition about Salk's work. e.g. in 1952-53 it mentions "Jonas Salk's polio vaccine (a dead-virus injectable vaccine) had reached the market" and then in the next section it says "The first effective polio vaccine was developed in 1952 by Jonas Salk at the University of Pittsburgh, but it would require years of testing", as though that's the first we're hearing about it. In my opinion those two sections should be merged, since they both mention Salk and they both mention 1953. Maybe just "1950s"? These sentences are great, but belong far nearer the beginning of the article, not in the Hx section. Maybe even in the lead: "In generic sense, vaccination works by priming the immune system with an 'immunogen'. Stimulating immune response, via use of an infectious agent, is known as immunization. The development of immunity to polio efficiently blocks person-to-person transmission of wild poliovirus, thereby protecting both individual vaccine recipients and the wider community." I think the Hx subsections should be renamed to decades. And maybe add a couple sentences so it doesn't skip from the 60s to 1987. The source by Sorem is marked unreliable, and I agree. The best sources for medical articles are literature reviews from respected journals, and I bet the FAC crowd will hold you to that with a topic this important and well-known. If you can find a Cochrane review, that's pure gold. Hope this is helpful, let me know when you've effected or rejected these suggestions! delldot ∇. 16:46, 30 September 2015 (UTC) 2014–15 North American winter I've listed this article for peer review because this is the first serious/somewhat successful attempt made to start a winter article for North America. There was a previous attempt made with the 2013–14 North American winter article, but it was created too late to garner many helpful edits. I would like to solicit comments on how the 2014–15 North American winter article can be improved, particularly the Records section and to a lesser extent, the Seasonal summary section. By providing suggestions on how to improve this article, I will be better prepared when creating articles for future winters. By the end of this review, I hope to improve this article to B-class in preparation for a possible GA nomination. Thanks, Dustin (talk) 18:15, 20 September 2015 (UTC) Language and literature Not in Front of the Children Not in Front of the Children is a book about freedom of speech and censorship carried out under the "think of the children" argument. I took it to Good Article and it's been stable since then. Looking for feedback to help further along the Quality improvement process. Thanks for your time, — Cirt (talk) 04:06, 19 October 2015 (UTC) Note: Notices left at Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Women, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Women writers, User talk:Cirt, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject United States, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Sociology, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Sexology and sexuality, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Media, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Literature, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Law, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Journalism, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Human rights, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Freedom of speech, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Books, Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Children's literature, Talk:Not in Front of the Children. — Cirt (talk) 04:17, 19 October 2015 (UTC) Ariwara no Narihira I've listed this article for peer review because I have recently been putting it through a large-scale expansion process and am unsure where to go from here. I know my prose could use some tweaking and (at present -- they're already on my to-do list) the large number number of red links and inconsistent/excessive citation format are not pretty. But I'm mainly looking for ways to further expand the article beyond its current scope, if anyone has any ideas? Thanks, Hijiri 88 (聖やや) 04:38, 20 September 2015 (UTC) Paulo Francis Previous peer review I've listed this article for peer review because I feel the necessity of adapting it to the usual standards of the English Wikipedia. The subject should be handleded in order to interest the general reader, excluding all that is far too "local". Remember, however, that issues such as the link between literature and politics in 1960s Brazil should be retained lest the particular historical context is lost (There were almost no non-political writers in 1960s Brazil). Thanks in advance Thanks, Cerme (talk) 00:10, 15 September 2015 (UTC) Jesus for President I've listed this article for peer review because Wugapodes, the good article reviewer for this article, recommended one to help tighten prose. I intend to submit this article for featured status, so any comments that would help prepare this article to be featured would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Neelix (talk) 12:00, 6 September 2015 (UTC) X2 (film) Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 24 August 2015, 17:09 UTC Last edit: 30 August 2015, 15:26 UTC Black American Sign Language Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 23 August 2015, 21:18 UTC Last edit: 30 August 2015, 18:18 UTC Philosophy and religion Aisha I've listed this article for peer review because I want to promote the article to GA Thanks, RRD13 দেবজ্যোতি (talk) 18:28, 15 October 2015 (UTC) Mahavira Previous peer review I've listed this article for peer review because I want to nominate this article of GA level. Mahavira was the last tirthankara of Jainism and occupies significant place in jainism. I have tried to improve the article in last few days with help of other editors and upgrade the quality of article. An assessment will help further improve the article for the objective of GA level. Thanks, -- Pankaj Jain Capankajsmilyo (talk · contribs · count) 11:05, 4 September 2015 (UTC) There are some high-level problems with this article: The lead section should be completely re-written. The article begins with "Mahavira (599 BCE–527 BCE)". It should be clearly noted that this is the "traditional" dating and not the one believed by scholars to be true. In the source that is referenced, Shah clearly mentions that "Although tradition dictates that Mahavira was born about 599 bce, many scholars believe this date to be as much as 100 years early, in that Mahavira probably lived at about the same time as the Buddha, whose traditional birth date has also been reassessed." Technical words like "tirthankara" and "avasparini" should either be clearly explained in the lead itself or not be used at all. The lead should be clear on whether it is describing real historical figure "mahavira" or is it stating what the tradition believes him to be. It mixes mythology with historical facts. Heinrich Zimmer is quoted in the lead. I am not sure whether it is a good idea to quote an author in the lead. Even if we are quoting something, I believe it should be a more recent scholarly work. Zimmer seems to be outdated. Too many long quotes: The article's renunciation and legacy sections contain too many long quotes. This does not seem encyclopedic. Important differences between digambara and svetambara sects regarding mahavira is not reflected in the article. For example, Swetambara believe that mahavira was transfered from the womb of devananda to trishala. --Rahul (talk) 16:25, 7 September 2015 (UTC) Comments till Birth section only: Lead sentence: The part "of present Avasarpani era (ascending half of the time cycle as per Jain cosmology)" is confusing. Generally, he is introduced only as the 24th tirthankar Lead: father and mother is WP:UNDUE info here "Bharat (which was larger than today's India)": confusing. change to "all over South Asia/Indian subcontinent/ancient India", whatever is accurate Reduce jargon in lead: kevala jnana -> enlightenment; moksha -> died Remove quote about Parshva from lead. Add teachings of Mahavira and legacy in lead "His childhood name ... " : Never start with he. -> "Mahavira's birth name..." Remove bold in non-lead parts What does "achieving omniscence" mean? Add meanings of other epithets Add alternate dating in Histrocity. Some date to c. 500 BCE etc. Move dates from birth. Move birth places to Birth King Siddhartha: state his kingdom and dynasty Overall, lot of work is needed to take it to GA level. Major issues summary: Quality of language Too many quotes: WP:QUOTEFARM Missing topics: Iconography Worship Temples Sources about Life: Texts like Kalpa sutra, oral traditions (if any) --Redtigerxyz Talk 16:41, 6 October 2015 (UTC) Simeon of Verkhoturye I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to hear your suggestions and comments. It would be interesting to know if the article is understandable for English readers, or is there something you would like to know? Thanks, Orel787 (talk) 11:32, 24 July 2015 (UTC) Comments from RO Lead (Russian: Симеон Верхотурский, born 1607, died 1642), I think those commas ought to be semicolons. The main feast day of St. Simeon is the 18 December (OS), or 31 December (NS). That second article (the) is superfluous (not needed). Biography Legend has it that Simeon was born to a noble boyar family in the European part of Russia. I might be wrong, but I'm not sure "Legend has it" is an encyclopedic turn of phrase. (about 53 kilometers, or 33 miles, from Verkhoturye), It's a good idea to put figures like this into the convert template, like this: {{convert|53|kilometers}} You linked righteousness in the lead, so maybe do the same here at the first occurrence after the lead. He died in Merkushino in 1642 and was buried in a graveyard by the church Identify the church here. Translation of the relics The first paragraph in this section is uncited, so please source it properly. Same with the second half of the second paragraph in the section. Paragraphs should always end in a citation. Sainthood Legend has it Maybe this is acceptable given the topic, but it seems to informal for an encyclopedia. the church was burnt down by a fire Since a fire is the only thing that can burn down a building, this is redundant. The Brotherhood of the Righteous St. Simeon It seems this is a monastery, but you don't make that explicit enough at the start. It was a bratstvo, linked The last paragraph of this section, and all others, should end with a citation. Opening, withdrawal and return of the relics The first, second, and last paragraphs of this section need citations. "some hooligans of white guards, in spite of my order as archimandrite, took away my horses and left their nags, on which nobody could ride". This quote is currently uncited. on the feast day of St. Simeon with over fifteen thousand pilgrims gathering at the monastery The proper verb form here is gathered, not gathering. but the costly shrine was seized for the hungry Dis the Soviets confiscate the shrine to feed the poor? Of course not. On 30 May 1929, the relics were seized from the monastery and given to a museum in Nizhny Tagil for anti-religious works. What's an anti-religious museum/works? I'm not sure how this was used for anti-religious works. Please expand and explain. I added a quote. Conclusion Not bad for a start, but it obviously needs a little TLC in the way of citations and copyediting. It's an interesting topic and the foundation of a fine contribution. Keep up the great work! RO(talk) 19:09, 13 August 2015 (UTC) Thanks. I made most of the corrections, I will do the citing later. Regards.--Orel787 (talk) 09:44, 14 August 2015 (UTC) Quick comment: It's very difficult to judge the reliability of the cited sources because of the lack of details in the citations. What are you citing? Are they peer reviewed journals, newspapers, personal websites of experts, random blogs? Fuller citations (citation templates can be very useful) would help with this issue. Josh Milburn (talk) 13:32, 29 August 2015 (UTC) Social sciences and society Global financial system I've listed this article for peer review because it reached GA-status and could be improved after a peer review. Thanks, Lbertolotti (talk) 15:48, 5 October 2015 (UTC) Bharat Ratna I've listed this article for peer review because this is a current GA. Being India's highest civilian award, it holds the utmost importance and thus I am planning to take it to FAC in the near future. Any constructive comments are appreciated. Thanks, - Vivvt (Talk) 18:08, 25 September 2015 (UTC) Comments from Tim riley I'm afraid I can't spare the time for a really thorough review, but here are a few quick comments: Lead "Most recently, Indian government" – is there a definite article missing after the comma? Also, while I'm on this sentence, it will fall foul of WP:DATED pretty quickly as these are annual awards. At the very least I'd add "as at 2015" or some such. Done History "past recipients were asked not to use the awards as a title" – I don't quite follow this, as we are told in the following section that the awards never confer a title. Removed the sentence. Regulations "Recipients whose awards have been revoked are required to surrender their medal, and their name to be struck from the register" – the syntax goes off the rails a bit here. Recipients (plural) have a name (singular), and the infinitive "to be" should be "are". You don't, by the bye, say whether this provision has ever been put into practice. Done Specifications "A year later, however, the design was modified" – why the "however"? It adds nothing and weakens the prose. Done List of recipients "Visvesvaraya was knighted as a Commander of the British Indian Empire by King George V" – I think you have the imperial honour slightly wrong. A Commander (C.I.E.) of the Order of the Indian Empire would not have been a knight. Visvesvaraya was a K.C.I.E. – a Knight Commander of the Order). Done "Nehru is the first" – was the first, perhaps? I am not sure on this. Though he is dead and all the references to him should be made in past, he still remains the first PM of the country. "The "monumental" work" – not clear why the inverted commas are wanted Just to avoid peacock terms, the word is quoted from a reference. "during Indo-Pakistani War of 1965" – missing a definite article? Done "During Indo-Pakistani War of 1971" – ditto Done "Nobel peace prize" – the WP article capitalises "peace prize", and I think it should be capitalised here, too. Done "and a close associate with Mahatma Gandh" – "of" rather than "with"? Done "he was awarded with Nobel Peace Prize" – another missing definite article. And I notice here and elsewhere the construction "awarded with" various honours: perhaps it's a WP:ENGVAR thing, but to me the "with" is not wanted: one is simply awarded the honour, prize etc. Done "called with the honorific title" – called by? Done "Aerospace and Defense Scientist" – why the capitals on Defense (defence?) and Scientist? Done "Social choice theory, ethics and political philosophy, welfare economics, Decision theory, Development economics, public health, and Gender studies" – some very odd capitalistion here Done "Sitar" – why capitalised? Done "He also has authored around 1600 research papers – authored? Couldn't he just have written them? I think "authored" is more appropriate because he does not write the research papers himself. He provides the basic idea and has a team which does rest of the job. Thats where the controversy related to his work publishing 1400 research paper comes in. Best of luck with the article, and I hope these few points are helpful. – Tim riley talk 21:03, 8 October 2015 (UTC) @Tim riley: Thanks for the review. I really appreciate your time. - Vivvt (Talk) 05:34, 11 October 2015 (UTC) Jevons paradox Previous peer review I'm planing on taking this article to FA status. Before listing it as a FA candidate, I'll appreciate it if someone could give it a look over and point to what should be improved. Thanks, LK (talk) 08:01, 15 September 2015 (UTC) Comments from Tim riley This is not my sphere by any means, but the article was perfectly comprehensible even to me. The prose is clear and generally elegant. Some minor comments: There was, I thought, one phrase with a slightly stilted textbook feel: "causing resource use to increase" could be, in everyday English, "causing more resources to be used." That's my only quibble on style. You need to decide how to punctuate the abbreviation e.g. (or e.g, – both logically justifiable, but consistency is wanted). There is a handful of duplicate links in the article. The Manual of Style bids us limit ourselves to one link to any article from the lead and another link to it from the main text. You have two links from the lead to demand and two to sustainability. In the main text there are duplicate links to green taxes and ecological economics. "cost (or price) of a good or service" – can you really have a singular good in this sense? I consulted the OED but lost the will to live about five pages in and never found the relevant bit. I see the word crops up twice, and so I take it that it is a pukka term in economics. References As the Jevons book is a book, it would be as well to give its OCLC number in lieu of the ISBN for which it is too ancient to qualify. The OCLC is 464772008. There is a guideline – how authoritative I know not – that would have us use the 13-digit forms of ISBNs. If you are minded to follow it, there is a handy tool here. When you get to FA, some bright spark is highly likely to ask what the point is of your "Additional reading" list, saying that if the stuff is worth reading it should be used in the text. This is nonsense, but I suggest you have your counter-argument nicely honed and ready. That's my lot. Please ping me when you take the article to FAC. – Tim riley talk 13:06, 15 September 2015 (UTC) That's all very useful, thanks very much! I'll implement your suggestions and then submit to FAC. LK (talk) 06:39, 16 September 2015 (UTC) Center for Indoor Air Research I want to get feedback on how this article can be improved, as I am hoping to bring it up to GA status in the future. Everymorning (talk) 00:25, 25 August 2015 (UTC) Comments from RO Lead Looks a little thin. Be sure it properly summarizes all the article's sections. History founded in March 1988 by Philip Morris, R.J. Reynolds, and Lorillard Wikilink these companies. This agreement required the tobacco industry to disband the CIAR Why? This would be better if explained. However, according to Alisa Tong and Avoid using "however" in formal writing. Stated mission including the health effects of ETS You haven't explained what ETS is in the article body. However, in 1992 Avoid Structure "special-reviewed" projects Who conducted these "special-reviewed" projects? Funding of scientific research many scientists, although unwilling to accept funds directly from the tobacco industry, were willing to accept funds from the CIAR. This implies that scientists didn't know who funded CIAR. Was that the case? This study was based on the hypothesis that particles transported indoors from outdoor air, rather than ETS, were responsible for a significant proportion of indoor aerosol concentrations. You need to make the connection between ETS and indoor aerosol concentrations explicit, as this is confusing. Do cigarettes really contain aerosols? However, after some of his studies found that this exposure Avoid "however" in formal writing. authored by Johns Hopkins Wikilink Johns Hopkins. that some cases of lung cancer previously attributed to passive smoking might actually be caused by other factors, such as diet. The lead says that CIAR funded research on indoor air pollution, but this says that also studied diet as a cause of illness. Add this to the lead to better summarize the content of the article. Conclusion This seems like a work in progress, as I assume there must be much more detail than what's currently presented here, particularly negative reaction to the studies. For example, you mention the Tobacco Master Settlement Agreement, but you don't detail it's direct impact or explain what it is in the article. In fact you mention it in the lead, but not the article, which is wrong. Every detail in the lead must also be in the article body, so if it's not explained in the article it should not be included in the lead. I think this is a ways off GAN, but I'd strongly recommend another peer review after you make another attempt at comprehensiveness, before taking it to GAN. Keep up the great work! RO(talk) 19:15, 28 August 2015 (UTC) Norodom Sihanouk Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 20 August 2015, 03:53 UTC Last edit: 9 October 2015, 11:59 UTC Murder of Ennis Cosby Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 27 July 2015, 05:41 UTC Last edit: 30 August 2015, 04:53 UTC Norodom Ranariddh Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 2 July 2015, 18:09 UTC Last edit: 20 October 2015, 13:52 UTC Elmer Ernest Southard Article (edit | edit beta | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch review This review is too large to display in full. Please go to the review directly if you want to contribute. Date added: 19 June 2015, 01:36 UTC Last edit: 28 August 2015, 19:53 UTC Lists List of Yugoslav Olympic medalists I've listed this article for peer review because… I have started it a few years back with the intention for it to become a featured list. Since then the development of it has stalled a bit, thus I am now wondering what this list needs to get that star. I am aware that more sources would be preferable and are needed, but for this kind of topic it shouldn't be hard to find them. I am more interested and wondering if the prose and the tables are good enough and appropriate and if something needs to be added. Thanks, Ratipok (talk) 00:27, 10 October 2015 (UTC) List of National Democratic Alliance members I've listed this article for peer review because I wish to nominate it for Featured list status but I feel that it might need some more work. It will be helpful if experienced editors can tell where this list needs to be improved upon. Thanks, Bharatiya29 (talk) 14:23, 28 September 2015 (UTC) The Living End discography Previous peer review I've listed this article for peer review because together with Shaidar cuebiyar, we intend to re-nominate the article as FLC. A peer review was undertaken in 2008 and in the last month Shaidar cuebiyar & I have undertaken a major re-write/re-format of the article to address the FL criteria. We would appreciate an independent set of eyes to review the article and identify any improvements before re-nominating it. Thanks, Dan arndt (talk) 02:29, 22 September 2015 (UTC) WikiProject peer-reviews WikiProject Military history: Guatemalan Revolution • Hormuzan • Indian National Army • American Civil War