Wikipedia:Requests for feedback

"WP:FEED" redirects here. For the essay on vandalism, see Wikipedia:Deny recognition. For RSS and Atom feeds, see Wikipedia:Syndication. For the page rating system, see Wikipedia:Article Feedback Tool.

Requests for Feedback

This page provides comments and constructive criticism about articles that you have drafted, created, or substantially changed. This is not a general help page. To seek assistance or ask a question, see Wikipedia:Questions. If you are seeking an outside opinion about a dispute, please follow the steps in Wikipedia:Dispute resolution. Please note that this page is patrolled by volunteer editors just like you and it may take several days to review your request.

Before you request feedback

There are certain things which come up again and again so it may help if you deal with them before requesting feedback: Does your article have reliable sources? These are important in terms of both verifiability and notability. Do you have a conflict of interest that may harm your ability to produce a neutral article? If you would like a beginner's guide to these sorts of issues, take a look at the article wizard. If you are unsure about how to edit Wikipedia articles, take a look at this tutorial. For a more general discussion of writing your first article, see "Your first article".

How to post a request

Place a Wikilink, with the title of the page inside [[ and ]] - for example, [[User:Example/Lipsum]] or [[Cats]] - in the box below. Click Click To Add Request In the new article, Write a brief summary of your work or what in particular you need help with, but do not post the whole article here. If you have rewritten an existing article, you may wish to provide a diff link from that article's history that shows your changes. Check regularly for responses to your request; they will most often be made here. ↓ Post your request using the box below. Replace "Untitled" with a wikilink to your article - e.g. [[User:Example/Lipsum]] or [[Cats]] ↓

After Receiving Feedback

Check back here often, as you will receive a response here. Respond to the feedback, either with a simple thank you, to ask for help with anything mentioned, or, after you've made some of the improvements, what they think of them. Consider helping out here in the future - anyone can read up on what articles should be like and provide constructive criticism.

Are you providing feedback?

Please consider notifying the user whose article you are providing feedback for by placing a message on their talk page, so they will be able to read it in a timely manner and reply if necessary. You can use.. {{Feedbackreply-sm}} A template asking the user to check back here and consider responding {{Feedbackreply-alt}} A more personal version of the first offering your help with developing, moving to mainspace, etc.

(For help, see Wikipedia:Purge)

The previous few days of requests are transcluded below. The pages for the past 20 days are: ()

• June 1
• June 2
• June 3
• June 4
• June 5
• June 6
• June 7
• June 8
• June 9
• June 10
• June 11
• June 12
• June 13
• June 14
• June 15
• June 16
• June 17
• June 18
• June 19
• June 20

Index of all requests for feedback

Request for feedback on article Crazy Bones

Hello All,

I've been around on wikipedia for a while, but I've only really reverted vandalism up until now. I was looking around for information on a toy a friends child was playing with and when I got the the page Crazy Bones I was a bit disappointed. I decided I would have a crack at revising it a little bit and did just that. The thing is I don't know if I've done a good job or where to go with it next!? I'd really like to get it up to DYK status because I think a hook about Greek kids playing with sheeps knucklebones would be BRILLIANT! Your time, effort and advice is greatly appreciated! --LookingYourBest (talk) 18:32, 12 April 2009 (UTC)

Apologies that it took awhile to reply. I read your post and the article the day you left the above message, to see if it could be a DYK candidate, but the time had already passed. You had 5 days from the time you increased its content fivefold (5x) to submit it for DYK, and that time had already passed (on the 12th). Nice job with the article! Its an interesting topic. Right now I think the second half needs the most work. According to WP:Layout#Paragraphs and WP:Guide to writing better articles#Paragraphs, very short sections and paragraphs should be avoided if possible. So perhaps those snippets of information can be added to, or somehow combined by removing the individual sections for each of them, and then expanding on the one-two sentence paragraphs. Also you might take a look at the {{cite}} templates to clean up the citations. Also, be careful about giving too many examples of model/series names. It invites users to add to the list, whereas prose is generally preferred over lists of things (in actual articles). Keep plugging away. Hope this helps :-) Killiondude (talk) 08:11, 18 April 2009 (UTC)

That's an amazing amount of help, thanks a million for that! (Still gutted I didn't make the DYK timeline! Oh well!) I'll have a good, hard look at that second half and try and work out what I can do with it. Do you mind if I ask you to review it again when I do? Many thanks again! --LookingYourBest (talk) 03:16, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

Yes, of coarse. You can ask here or on my talk page. You're very welcome! Killiondude (talk) 04:42, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

Politics of Bristol

Hi,

I've spent today editing the Politics of Bristol article today and I think it looks a lot better for it.

I've hidden some of the information on the History of Bristol City Council page because I think the original was getting a bit crowded. —Preceding unsigned comment added by SamUK (talk • contribs) 22:22, 13 April 2009 (UTC)

Gosh, I see you've done a lot of work on it, and tables are very fiddly - great job!

Suggestions for further development;

• The lede section could be a bit longer, giving more of a summary. Also avoid vague terms. This sentence; "The overall trend of both local and national representation is left of centre, favouring the Labour Party and Liberal Democrats." - it would be better to state the trend in terms of a percentage, and avoid 'favouring' (weasel words). State the facts, and let the reader decide how significant they are.
• The references could be improved considerably by using citation tags. For some help on this, see user:chzz/help/refs.

I hope this helps; keep up the good work!  Chzz  ►  19:03, 19 April 2009 (UTC)

proposal for merging 2 articles

In my opinion Two-body_problem and Gravitational_two-body_problem should be merged. What is the correct procedure, I mean "what is the correct way for doing this?"

I added banner

and

in respective articles, is it enough?

Daniel exb (talk) 22:21, 14 April 2009 (UTC)

You could start off a discussion as explained at Help:Merging and moving pages. bamse (talk) 03:09, 15 April 2009 (UTC)

I see that Gravitational two-body problem has two proposals to merge it into other articles, so ironically it would appear to be in danger of ripping apart! I see no discussion so far, so I would suggest first, leave a message on the talk page of the major contributors - ie check in the history, see who has really worked on the articles, and ask for their input in the discussion. You could also leave a message in Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Physics, seeking input on the article talk page.

If you don't get much of a response, then be bold, and perform the merger. Anything can be 'undone', and sometimes the only feedback comes after the event. See WP:BRD.

Best of luck with whatever actions you take,  Chzz  ►  18:50, 19 April 2009 (UTC)

Toxic encephalopathy

Toxic encephalopathy is a broad neurologic disorder caused by toxic substances, such as paint solvents. Please give suggestions for improvement to this article so that it reaches B-class or GA status. Is anything missing.(By the way, I know the lead needs expansion).--Edward130603 (talk) 21:05, 17 April 2009 (UTC)

The WP:LEDE needs expansion :-)

The first thing that I noticed was, the very wide picture - it was wider than my screen and therefore it wrapped over the Wikipedia search bar etc. I have changed this to use Template:Wide image. That's one solution; however, I wonder if the image itself is appropriate. Images can be invaluable in article, but if it can be said in prose, this is preferred.

There are a lot of sections, and they are all quite short; see if it would be possible to merge some of them together. A section should typically have two to five paragraphs, and most in this article just have a few lines. I'm sure that this article could be expanded, and this would be required to provide the breath of coverage required for a good article.

There are several 'lists' in the article, and these would look better in prose form. Instead of;

Toxic encephalopathy is caused by extended exposure to toxic chemicals. These include:

• 1,1,1-trichloroethane
• Trichloroethylene
• Perchloroethylene

...it would be better to put;

Toxic encephalopathy is caused by extended exposure to toxic chemicals, including 1,1,1-trichloroethane, Trichloroethylene and Perchloroethylene.

This will also help make the article look less 'thin'.

The best overall advice I can offer, is to find articles on similar topics that are already good articles or even featured articles - see how they have done things. For example, in this case, Alzheimer's disease, Multiple sclerosis and Meningitis are all featured articles.

Anyway - I see that the article is also being peer reviewed, so hopefully you will have enough ideas for now!

Cheers,  Chzz  ►  18:42, 19 April 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for your suggestions Chzz. --Edward130603 (talk) 22:16, 19 April 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Balfred1980

Hi, I have just written a first draft of my first article for Wikipedia on my (wiki) homepage and I was hoping for some feedback before I post it to the actual site. Any/all feedback both positive and negative are expected and encouraged. Thanks in advance --Balfred1980 (talk) 04:00, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

Also, where would be the best place to put this article? I see on some of the help pages that local band articles (although the band is not mine) don't seem to belong on the main site. I do plan on writing quite a few more of these for other local bands in my area but where is the best place to put them? Balfred1980 (talk) 21:52, 24 April 2009 (UTC)

For now it is best to leave it where it is, until you fix some of the issues with it :-) It has to meet certain guidelines before it can be an actual article on Wikipedia. It has to meet either WP:GNG or WP:BAND. In order to prove that these criteria have been met, you need to cite several [[WP:RS|reliable, third party sources]. Also, the article needs to be written in a neutral point of view, neither praising nor being negative about the band. The thing about local bands is that they don't always meet the criteria to have a page (they aren't notable enough). If they aren't notable enough, they can't have an article (according to policy). But there are locals bands who do meet those requirements. Its just the majority can't. Hope that explains it. Let me know if you have any more questions or if that didn't make sense. Killiondude (talk) 18:27, 25 April 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Tex2009/Tonya_Evinger

I've decided to jump on the wikipedia train and actually make a page. This is my first time, so please don't ream me too badly.

Thanks, Tex2009 —Preceding unsigned comment added by Tex2009 (talk • contribs) 03:21, 23 April 2009 (UTC)

Hi there. That's great work, for a first article.

Suggestions - you need to add a couple of good, solid reliable sources - such as major newspapers. A useful way to find these is to use the Google "News search" feature, and select "all dates". For Tonya Evinger, that gives this. Not all of those articles will be reliable sources, and some will require a payment to read the article - but you might be able to find the actual newspaper in a library. Any information from a reliable source will help to establish the notability.

Another quick tip; in the infobox, you list the hometown using the code;

[[Odessa, Missouri]]

...which gives this link;

Odessa, Missouri

It would be better to put the code;

[[Odessa, Missouri|Odessa]], [[Missouri]]

...which produces links to the two separate places, and looks like this;

Odessa, Missouri

For more help on this topic, see WP:LINKING.

Hope this helps,  Chzz  ►  04:20, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

Education in Guyana

Hello,

Please review article at caption, and recommend areas for improvement - also it's been developed from a one paragraph stub to about eight or more, please give it a new rating on the quality scale.

--Be the change you want to see in the world - The Mahatma (talk) 16:08, 25 April 2009 (UTC) Thanks

Speakwise —Preceding unsigned comment added by Speakwise (talk • contribs) 16:01, 25 April 2009 (UTC)

• Speakwise, I haven't looked too deeply into this article but the secondary headings of the article should not be linked. You can include the links in the body text somehow. --Edward130603 (talk) 15:13, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
• This page is almost ready for a Good article nomination. The inline citations at the bottom would be better if they were cited with {{citeweb}}.--Edward130603 (talk) 15:17, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
• If possible, find revelant pictures. Currently there is only one, and it is the Coat of Arms.--Edward130603 (talk) 15:26, 26 April 2009 (UTC)

Thanks Edward..I'll take your suggestions on board. I'm at school too so I'll probably do it in bits. --WillJ (talk) 18:26, 26 April 2009 (UTC)Speakwise

The pictures need to be 'thumbnailed' - so, instead of this;

[[Image:School_in_Georgetown.jpg]] 
A primary school in Georgetown, Guyana.

put;

[[Image:School_in_Georgetown.jpg|thumb|A primary school in Georgetown, Guyana.]]

A primary school in Georgetown, Guyana.

This will put the picture into a box, with a caption, as shown alongside this text. Remember that not all users will have a wide display screen; by presenting the images in this way, it will display clearly for a wider range or readers, and anyone who wishes can click on the thumbnail to expand it.

Hope this helps,  Chzz  ►  04:27, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

Chzz, thanks much for that tip..I'll fix the pic.

Cheers. --WillJ (talk) 09:10, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

In addition, do you have any information on the grading scale in Guyana(in US, it is A,B,C,D,F). Look in articles such as Education in United States for additional ideas. --Edward130603 (talk) 20:26, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

Thanks again, I'll check about the grading scale. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Speakwise (talk • contribs) 09:03, 28 April 2009 (UTC)

Crudgington

Hi

Can someone give me some advice on Crudgington please?

It was a two line stub previously, so anything there is available for comment.

Thanks Slowbrownfox (talk) 11:11, 29 April 2009 (UTC)

Chirikof Island

4/29 I made extensive edits, added some footnotes. Is there something more I should be doing to help make the ostentatious "this article has problems" signs go away?Pilobola (talk) 00:50, 30 April 2009 (UTC)

All flesh must be eaten

Hi all. Could somebody please give me some input on User:ZombieCow/AFMBE? It's a rewrite of the "expansions" section in All Flesh Must Be Eaten. Any help/input is appreciated. Thanks. --ZombieCow (talk) 13:32, 2 May 2009 (UTC)

New York City ethnic enclaves

I have worked on this article a lot, and brought it from a list with no lead to a DYK status article, expanded it 7.45 times or added 33000+ bytes, and I was wanting feedback on how I could make the article better, possibly GA status in the future. Or, despite my doubts of it ever happening, FA status. Also, I would like a rating on the quality scale for the article. I would do it myself rather than aggravate someone else, but I want an impartial rating. Thanks, mynameinc 14:01, 2 May 2009 (UTC)

White Night Riots

I've taken this article from Start-class all the way up to a solid B, and i'm going to nominate it at GAN very soon. Could somebody please proofread and copyedit it? I've contributed almost all the content, so I need a fresh pair of eyes to spot what I miss. Firestorm ^Talk 04:20, 3 May 2009 (UTC)