Wikipedia:Requests for feedback

"WP:FEED" redirects here. For the essay on vandalism, see Wikipedia:Deny recognition. For RSS and Atom feeds, see Wikipedia:Syndication. For the page rating system, see Wikipedia:Article Feedback Tool.

Requests for Feedback

This page provides comments and constructive criticism about articles that you have drafted, created, or substantially changed. This is not a general help page. To seek assistance or ask a question, see Wikipedia:Questions. If you are seeking an outside opinion about a dispute, please follow the steps in Wikipedia:Dispute resolution. Please note that this page is patrolled by volunteer editors just like you and it may take several days to review your request.

Before you request feedback

There are certain things which come up again and again so it may help if you deal with them before requesting feedback: Does your article have reliable sources? These are important in terms of both verifiability and notability. Do you have a conflict of interest that may harm your ability to produce a neutral article? If you would like a beginner's guide to these sorts of issues, take a look at the article wizard. If you are unsure about how to edit Wikipedia articles, take a look at this tutorial. For a more general discussion of writing your first article, see "Your first article".

How to post a request

Place a Wikilink, with the title of the page inside [[ and ]] - for example, [[User:Example/Lipsum]] or [[Cats]] - in the box below. Click Click To Add Request In the new article, Write a brief summary of your work or what in particular you need help with, but do not post the whole article here. If you have rewritten an existing article, you may wish to provide a diff link from that article's history that shows your changes. Check regularly for responses to your request; they will most often be made here. ↓ Post your request using the box below. Replace "Untitled" with a wikilink to your article - e.g. [[User:Example/Lipsum]] or [[Cats]] ↓

After Receiving Feedback

Check back here often, as you will receive a response here. Respond to the feedback, either with a simple thank you, to ask for help with anything mentioned, or, after you've made some of the improvements, what they think of them. Consider helping out here in the future - anyone can read up on what articles should be like and provide constructive criticism.

Are you providing feedback?

Please consider notifying the user whose article you are providing feedback for by placing a message on their talk page, so they will be able to read it in a timely manner and reply if necessary. You can use.. {{Feedbackreply-sm}} A template asking the user to check back here and consider responding {{Feedbackreply-alt}} A more personal version of the first offering your help with developing, moving to mainspace, etc.

(For help, see Wikipedia:Purge)

The previous few days of requests are transcluded below. The pages for the past 20 days are: ()

• May 3
• May 4
• May 5
• May 6
• May 7
• May 8
• May 9
• May 10
• May 11
• May 12
• May 13
• May 14
• May 15
• May 16
• May 17
• May 18
• May 19
• May 20
• May 21
• May 22

Index of all requests for feedback

International Foundation for Electoral Systems

I could really use some feedback at least on the quality of this article(please assess), or what I should do to improve it. Thank you much for your help, SADADS (talk) 13:56, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

I have rated this article as C class. It looks like a very good start so far, especially the use of sources.

To gain B class i think the main thing to improve is the article structure and prose. Reading articles with dozens of very small sub-sections can be tiring for a reader, giving them more reason to click away. I would remove the country sub-sub-section and write a single paragrpah for each country, with these paragraphs simply under the continent sub-section headings. It is also generally prefered that lists be written instead as prose paragraphs, so the history section and areas of activity could be written with this in mind.

The list of Party leaders etc seemed excessive to me. Those that are notable (ie have a wiki article) or especially important to the party should be covered elsewhere in the article, but the wholle list is not needed. Not a big deal now, but i expect it would prevent the article passing GA.

Good job so far, and good luck with future work on it!YobMod 19:40, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire

We've put in a fair bit of work improving this article over the past week (compare to [1]), and are looking for suggestions for improvements. Does the article leave you with unanswered questions? In an ideal world, in which a suitable reference could be found for any fact, what else would you like to see in this article? On the other hand, do you see anything there that should be removed? Other suggestions? Also, the WikiProjects into which this article falls seem to be largely inactive, with the exception of WP:REENACT, for which I seem to be the only reviewer, so I'll ask here for opinions on how you think this article should be assessed, and what is needed to move it to the next level. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 17:37, 7 August 2009 (UTC)

Hey, sorry your request for feedback wasn't answered sooner. I enjoyed reading this article! I'm sure it meets WP:BCLASS. I see that it has recently been nominated for GA, and I'm interested in seeing how that goes. A few good things I saw was that the article is very well referenced for the amount of prose it has, as well as being well structured. After reading the talk page, the only thing I would comment on, is that it probably should have at least one more photo in the article. If you can't decide on which photo to include, you could just create a category for them on Commons, and add the Template:Commons category box to this article. I think that would be a great addition. If you haven't seen, this is the page views that article has been getting this month. :-) Good work on everything. Killiondude (talk) 05:28, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks! I've added the commonscat template, and am working on putting more images (there are plenty of appropriately-licensed images of it on Flickr) into Commons. Please let me know if you have any other suggestions. cmadler (talk) 13:43, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

ESRO

I have done most of the work on this article. I would like to know what still needs to be improved and what is already acceptable. thanksU5K0 (talk) 18:29, 16 August 2009 (UTC)

You need more inline references. Many more. Bsimmons666 (talk) 22:48, 16 August 2009 (UTC)

And not just bunched up in the lead. -- œ^™ 02:11, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

You need more references from third-party sources. Given that ESRO merged with ELDO to become ESA, ESA is not an independant source. cmadler (talk) 13:11, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

Request for first article feedback

Hello:

I am new. I would like feedback on this article in my user space User:Webmina/User/Webmina There is another article I am preparing that technically describes the CrystaSulf chemical process.

Thanks, Mary Y. Greening 03:55, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

I suggest that you start by adding reliable, third-party sources to your article. This might include journal articles about the technology, newspaper or magazine articles about the company, etc. These are needed to ensure that Wikipedia's notability guideline is met. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 13:08, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

Please be aware of our COI and spam guidelines. I see that you created a new account after your account User:Crystatech was blocked. Triplestop x3 01:21, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

feedback please?

I am new to wikipedia and need help with my first article. The draft is currently under my user account (July271997). It is about a Palestinian composer/musician who has passed away (Mohsen Subhi). I wanted to:

(1) get feedback on it before I even try to make it public (2) learn how to upload pictures from the web (e.g. a CD cover) and some that are from my personal library, and (3) eventually get it published and accessible to the public. Thanks, —Preceding unsigned comment added by July271997 (talk • contribs) 16:21, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

I made link on the user's page, so it is easier to find.

Initial comments:

• The writing and structure seem good. I changed the heading to be more in line with wiki standards, and added a references section. * If the article was created now, it would certainly attract templates about inline citations and wikifiying. To avoid these:
  • more incline citations should be added that confirm the information given (from webstes or from books. If using print sources, please give the author, title, publisher, page numbers and ISBN number if possible); and
  • link words to other wiki pages, especially uncommon nouns or complicated words, words that can be linked to interested related articles and certainly any foreign words like Oud. To make wikilinks, simply place double square brackets around a word like [[this]].
• Consider using an infobox. The easiest way is to find one on another person article, and copy it across, changing the entries for each field.
• To upload a image: 1) save it to your desktop. 2) Click on "upload file" in the menu to the left. 3) Browse to Select the file. 4) Give the file a simple unique name, preferably one that could be found by searching the persons name. 5)Select a license from the drop-down list (there is one for album covers i think). 6) Write a "fair use rational". This means giving reasons why the image is needed for that particular page, and detailing where the image comes from.

The WP:Composers talk page should be able to give you more specific advice on composer pages, and have links to many other composer articles so you can see the standards expected. They may even be able to help with article writing and sourcing! :)

Good job so far, hope you enjoy wikipedia and keep contributing.YobMod 20:06, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

Thank you!!!! I found your feedback very helpful. I feel like my article is ready to go up, can you give me another round of feedback? (i will look into the infobox later). also, if you think it's ready to go public, how do i do that? i moved the page but obviously that's something different. —Preceding unsigned comment added by July271997 (talk • contribs) 05:10, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

Daniel Solomon

Hi, I'd very much appreciate any feedback on my first article. It's still quite messy so I have it on my user page. User:Julie.crossman/Daniel_Solomon Thank you. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Julie.crossman (talk • contribs) 18:53, 18 August 2009 (UTC)

A few quick comments:

• The lead is too short. Check out Wikipedia:Lead section. Keep in mind that many readers won't know the reference to "new Urbanism" and while you've linked it, you could help the reader and expand the lead by adding something here.
• Articles must satify notability. While that may be satisfied by the link, I'm out of my depth here, so be prepared to be challenged by someone else.
• "He taught at UC Berkeley from 1967 – 200?" I doubt this is proper, but I don't know the right answer. Sorry, but I'm just giving you a heads-up that someone might challenge it. I looked at wp:mos#dates but didn't see an answer.
• “the relationship of urban land to hinterland, of the city to its transportation infrastructure, the city to its own history and the role of public space in the culture of the city” [4] This is dangling
• "Peter Calthorpe, Andres Duany, Elizabeth Moule, Elizabeth Plater-Zyberk, Stefan Polyzoides, and Solomon founded the Chicago-based Congress for the New Urbanism in 1993." Awkward sentence - I don't like it starting with a list.
• "The CNU's Charter of the New Urbanism says: We..." Consider setting off the quoted item as a blockquote. I wasn't sure where the quote ended - be clear on the distinction between quoted material and your words.
• Consider going into your preferences, then gadgets, and clicking "reftools". It will give you a template to improve your references. You should add a Title, an access date, optionally a publisher and of course the url. The "Cite" tool will make it easy.
• Look into reformatting the citation style of your external links. I'll do one as an example My mistake, looks fine

BTW, good start

• For the dates teaching at UC Berkeley, is he still teaching there? If so, it's better to say "He has taught at UC Berkeley since 1967." If he's no longer teaching there, it should be possible to find out when he left and put the specific year into the article. cmadler (talk) 14:35, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_Gazelle

The second paragraph on the above website page reads as follows:

" It probably lived in the better-watered mountain areas of sorth Africa rather than in deserts. The last record dated from before 1894. It is known from three specimens, which were purchased in markets in Algiers and Oran, northern Algeria, in the late nineteenth century. They are held in museums in Paris and London. "

I believe that the text that I have highlighted with bold text, should read "South Africa" rather than "sorth Africa"?

Regards An avid wikipedia user —Preceding unsigned comment added by 198.54.202.114 (talk) 05:49, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for pointing it out. I fixed it (should be "north Africa"). In future, if you see such problems, please be bold and edit yourself, or leave a note on the articles talk page, which will likely get a more expert response. Thanks again!YobMod 09:05, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Agvorob/Grigory_Vorobiev

All,

Looking for some comments and suggestions on my first article on Wikipadia.

Thanks, --Agvorob (talk) 18:38, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

• I think you're off to a pretty good start. The key thing that's missing is reliable, third-party sources, for now don't worry about whether they're in English or Russian (although since this is the English Wikipedia, English is preferred when available). I suggest that you could go ahead and move it to articlespace and continue working on it there. cmadler (talk) 19:34, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

new user needs help

I need feedback on my article "László Marton" for the English language wikipedia. Thank you, Dvornicsek —Preceding unsigned comment added by Dvornicsek (talk • contribs) 20:58, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%C3%A1szl%C3%B3_Marton

Hi,

I need feedback on my article. Thank you! Dvornicsek —Preceding unsigned comment added by Dvornicsek (talk • contribs) 21:01, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

Copying and pasting entire passages is still copyright violation even if you cite the source.. Plagiarism at best if stating that it's 'YOUR' article. Suggest you rewrite the entire article using your own words. -- œ^™ 23:16, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

The free ecnyclopedia

I have a deep concern about articles becoming to damn advanced for the average, for example: Vitamin A, Vitamin B, Microwave). Additionally, the Firewire article is suprisingly too advanced and needs to be re-written. Of course I'm not saying that we should "dumb down" wikipedia but at least get the basic references stated. Does anybody else agree with me??? South Bay (talk) 01:08, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

It's a problem, to be sure. Experts sometimes write without perspective, and it can be harder for others to edit it down to the level of mere mortals. At any rate, you might want to check out http://simple.wikipedia.org - it's a site that tries to use simple English for all the articles. It's really cool, and could definitely use some extra help! ~ Amory (user • talk • contribs) 01:34, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

PLEASE CORRECT IT

I WOULD LIKE TO REQUEST ABOUT ARTICLE WRITTEN ON SIR ABDULLAH HAROON LINK GIVEN BELOW THAT IN ARTICLE IT IS MENTIONED THAT HE WAS A LEADING SINDHI BUSINESSMAN, BUT HE WAS NOT SINDHI HE WAS KUTCHI.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abdullah_Haroon

HIS FAMILY BELONGS FROM KUTCHI (INDIA).

THANK YOU,

RAMIS ALI —Preceding unsigned comment added by 116.71.57.97 (talk) 13:03, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

I see that you took care of it yourself. Any chance you also have some good sources for the article? It's desperately in need of them, and we could use your help! ~ Amory (user • talk • contribs) 13:12, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

Removal of few photographs depicting Prophet Muhammad(PBUH)

Hi,

I would like you guys to remove photographs depicting Prophet Muhammad(PBUH) immediately. Its totally prohibited. Please remove them at the earliest and also add PBUH everytime Muhammad(pubh) is written. Please respect others faith.

Here is the link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muhammad

Mohammed Hamed Sajid —Preceding unsigned comment added by Mdhamedsajid (talk • contribs) 20:23, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

The discussion of this is at Talk:Muhammad/images - you're better off discussing it there. Bear in mind that when this has come up in the past, the general consensus has been to keep the images. We have a policy of not using (pbuh) or (saw); see Wikipedia:Manual of Style (Islam-related articles)#Muhammad. – iridescent 20:28, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

I think there is nothing wrong with using honorifics in talk space. Hans Adler 20:36, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

Oh, I agree with there, just not in articles. – iridescent 20:40, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

(ec)As you can see from the images themselves, there were times when the prohibition was interpreted differently within Islam. At the time depictions of Muhammad were considered admissible so long as the images were not worshipped. This is in conformance with a plain reading of the Qur'an, and everything else is a later tradition. Wikipedia isn't even an Islamic project, so we do not feel bound by this prohibition. Personally I would respect your feelings and those of many others, and remove these images from all articles other than depictions of Muhammad and perhaps a few other very specific articles about the history of Islam. But there is a general consensus not to do this. Hans Adler 20:36, 20 August 2009 (UTC)

As Hans Adler points out, the flat statement "Its totally prohibited" is not an accurate statement.

Furthermore, should the Islamic community reach a conclusion that such depictions are not allowed by Muslims, that decision would not apply to kafir (apostates are another matter). Please respect my beliefs.--SPhilbrickT 18:04, 21 August 2009 (UTC)

In any event, this page is not the place to discuss it. cmadler (talk) 18:16, 21 August 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:BlueMagnet/Steve_Buckingham_(record_producer)

Help!

Trying to post this short bio for Steve Buckingham. Not patient enough for all this formatting... Please help me make this into wiki standard so I can post ASAP!

Thanks in Advance!

BlueMagnet (talk) 01:17, 21 August 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:BlueMagnet/Steve_Buckingham_(record_producer)

DEAR LORD PLEASE HELP ME!! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:BlueMagnet/Steve_Buckingham_(record_producer)

Thanks in advance...

Sincerely, Blue BlueMagnet (talk) 01:51, 21 August 2009 (UTC)

It looks like you've got both internal and external links figured out. You can't add this photo, because it's a copyrighted image of a living person. Since it's possible to find a freely-licensed image or for someone to take a new photo and release it under a free license, we can't accept a copyrighted photo of him. The article can probably be moved to Steve Buckingham (record producer). Thanks, cmadler (talk) 14:31, 21 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks Cmadler! About the photo thing still... Steve Buckingham is the one asking me to put this Wikipedia page up for him, he gave me this photo to use for his website as it is his official publicity shot. I was the one who scanned in the photo, made the website and have direct permission to put this up for him, so how do I handle that? Thanks so much for your feedback!!

Sincerely, Blue

BlueMagnet (talk) 15:05, 21 August 2009 (UTC)

I see that you've uploaded the photo to Commons. To avoid any problems, you will probably want to have the person who owns the copyright on that photo send an email confirming that it is released to the public domain. See [2] for details. Also, since you have a direct connection to Buckingham, please be aware of our conflict of interest policy. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 16:54, 21 August 2009 (UTC)

Wizard101

Currently a start class Video Game article and often subject to more fan-based content than truly encyclopedic additions, I have recently pruned and reorganized the content starting here and ending here for the time being. I'd appreciate some feedback and tips on how to bring this to C class or better, I'm normally doing mostly gnome-type work. Thanks. MLauba (talk) 23:05, 22 August 2009 (UTC)

• My top criticism of the article as it currently stands is that parts of the storyline and gameplay sections are written from an "in-universe" perspective, which needs to be corrected. These sections are also a bit confusing to someone (like me) who hasn't played the game. Finally, the only mentions I could find of player interaction are in the online safety features section (if this section were removed, and the term "MMORPG" were removed from the lead, a reader would never know that this wasn't a traditional one-player game), but player interaction is ususually a key element of an MMORPG. cmadler (talk) 12:44, 24 August 2009 (UTC)

• Thanks for the feedback. I've started trying to address the in-universe issue, if you would care to have a look and let me know if this makes it clearer for the non-player, I'd be grateful. MLauba (talk) 11:27, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

• It's a bit better. The "Backstory" section doesn't really seem to be backstory but rather the plot of the game, at least near the beginning. (True backstory would be anything that happens before play begins.) That section needs some more work. For example, "The player successfully defeats each demon..." -- really? The player never loses? "The story however unfolds again in the next world, Grizzleheim, leading to new developments" sounds like an advertisement. Also, the comment I made above about player interaction still stands. Keep working on this, it's gradually getting better. cmadler (talk) 12:10, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

• Re the player interaction, absolutely, I haven't even touched this so far. I'm focusing on the in-universe aspect first, and then tackle the rest :) Thanks again for the time. MLauba (talk) 12:29, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

Mount Hope Estate

I'm still working on it, but I think it's almost stable. In addition to general feedback and criticism, is there anything noticably missing from this coverage? Are any points unclear? Thanks, cmadler (talk) 18:05, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

Please review - LMT Communications

Please review this article for posting.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Eirinidlm

thanks, Eirinidlm (talk) 15:19, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Delta Cancris (aka Arkushanangarushashutu) One of the first times I've tried editing - something funny with first quote. Would love a hand here!

G'day folks

I'm a long time user, first time editor here & still learning the ropes. I have just tried to edit the Delta Cancris article. Had something odd happen to the first quote I've included there regarding the historic recorded occultation of Jupiter by Delta Cancris. Have added quite a bit to this article - incl. new references but not sure they've quite worked out. Also got a message about "whitespace" (?) not sure what the issue is there. Not brilliant with computers and going to be busy next few days I'm afraid but still any feedback or help with it would be very much appreciated. Sorry if anything I've done here breeches Wiki netiquette. Can you see my email address & email me about this? Or is that not possible or advisable?

Instead of spacing out the quotes, use blockquote tags: <blockquote>text here</blockquote>. I've also fixed the first quote in the article this way. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 19:17, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Dada Gujar

I had created an article on Dada Gujar. It was deleted stating that it was a copyright infringement and advertising. Please have a look at the article here: User:Hadapsar/Dada_Gujar and give me some feedback. Please see the talk page of the article to get my exchanges with the editors. Thanks. [[[User:Hadapsar|Hadapsar]] (talk) 04:10, 28 August 2009 (UTC)]

The other editors who left comments on the talk page are correct. In general, anything that anyone has written is copyrighted. (See WP:COPYVIO) Also, it is not written in a manner appropriate for an encyclopedia. (See WP:NPOV) cmadler (talk) 14:14, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

profanity in William Wundt article

Please remove the "masterbating" (sic) sentence several paragraphs from the top in the William Wundt posting.

Thank you. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Myquestforknowledge90210 (talk • contribs) 23:35, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Kent Plantation House

Hello. I have created the Kent Plantation House article. Right now, I am editing it on my user pages. Please tell me what you think. Click here to go to my article.  Btilm  00:06, 29 August 2009 (UTC)