What I Am (Grey's Anatomy)

"What I Am (Grey's Anatomy)"

"What I Am" is the fourth episode of the third season of the ABC series, Grey's Anatomy. The episode was written by Allan Heinberg and was directed by Dan Lerner. It originally aired on October 12, 2006.

Starring

• Ellen Pompeo as Dr. Meredith Grey.
• Sandra Oh as Dr. Christina Yang
• Katherine Heigl as Dr. Izzie Stevens.
• Justin Chambers as Dr. Alex Karev.
• T.R. Knight as Dr. George O´Malley.
• Chandra Wilson as Dr. Miranda Bailey.
• James Pickens, Jr. as Dr. Richard Webber.
• Kate Walsh as Dr. Addison Montgomery-Shepperd.
• Sara Ramirez as Dr. Callie Torres.
• Eric Dane as Dr. Mark Sloan.
• Isaiah Washington as Dr. Preston Burke.
• Patrick Dempsey as Dr. Derek Shepperd.

Episode Recap

Dr. Mark Sloan joins the staff of the hospital, causing Addison to be preoccupied and doubting her abilities to make proper medical judgements. She is delivering the baby of a woman who wants a natural childbirth but the baby doesn't descend far enough. She has several failed attempts at convincing the woman to have a caesarean section, but the woman yells at her to leave the room, which she does. Dr. Bailey talks to her and says that no man, neither Derek nor Mark, defines Addison.

Burke is cleared for surgery by Derek, who is distracted by the presence of Mark in the hospital. Cristina is pushing Burke and hasn't realised that his hand is still shaking. When Burke practices on a cadaver she finally sees this, but comes up with a plan where Burke will get someone to hold items for him so that he can use his good left hand to steady his right hand.

A man who has just had a heart operation lights a cigarette while still using a nasal cannula for oxygen. He suffers severe burns to his face, which Mark treats after initially clashing with Derek over whether they should wait before proceeding with the surgery. Alex is assigned as Mark's intern but finds that it isn't as he expected, with Mark requesting a coffee. Mark also ignores Dr. Bailey, who was the man's original doctor.

Meredith has stomach pain, nausea and vomiting which, after Cristina bellowed her suspicion, leads the staff to believe she may be pregnant with Derek's child. Cristina nicknamed the supposed child "McBaby" after finally learning that Meredith has never had sex with Finn before. It turns out that she has appendicitis and needs surgery. While on morphine, she makes inappropriate statements: calling Derek, Finn and George all of her "boys" including telling people that George is a good kisser, that Bailey is really pretty, calling out to a curious Mark as "McSteamy" and proclaiming, "Yeah but you probably weren't supposed to know that." They speak about their past involvement with married people and that she is now known as the "adulterous whore" instead of "dirty mistress". Meredith even starts up a conversation as Addison passes her room and after looking at her charts is relieved to see she is not pregnant, just high on drugs. Addison talks to her and informs Meredith that she does not hate her. Meredith wonders when Addison knew that Derek was "the one". Addison replies that she never knew this, but did know that Derek would never intentionally hurt someone. Meredith notes that he did hurt Meredith, when he chose Addison over her. Curious as to why Addison is being so nice to her, Addison replied, "Because you aren't going to remember this."

Izzie meets with Dennis "Denny" Duquette, Sr., who wants to know about his son's death. At first, he's hostile, saying how suspicious it is that his son had survived for so long, only to die as a result of her medical decisions, shortly after proposing to her. He says she must have enormous med school loans and that she was just after Denny's money. She explains that she is debt-free and berates him for not being there for his son. He explains that the reason he never visited Denny was that after he got sick, his prognosis had gotten worse and worse. In the end, Denny had left saying he didn't want them to have to watch him die. After Denny Duquette, Sr.'s fears about Izzie are put to rest, he hands Izzie an envelope. Later that night, she used the code Denny Sr. gave her to access the last voice mail Denny Jr. left his parents right after his successful transplant surgery, inviting them down to Seattle to meet Izzie, the "beautiful, stubborn doctor", his new fiancee.

George admits to Callie he should have told her that he was not ready to move in together. In response she invites him to her hotel room that evening for dinner which he accepts. Before leaving work, he cancels saying Izzie called and needs him to come home. Callie complains that Meredith and Izzie always come first and asks what she is to him. When he doesn't answer, she tells him he won't have to worry about deciding anymore and breaks up with him. At the bar, Callie and Mark share a drink and she invites Mark up to her hotel room instead. George is with Izzie when she listens to Denny Jr's last message and holds the envelope. He ends up opening the envelope out of curiosity while Izzie was transfixed on the voice message (or the voice) and finds a check from Denny Jr. to Izzie for $8.7 million.

After Addison cautioned him not to hurt Meredith again, Derek took it the wrong way and thought that she meant he should be the bigger person and not let himself hurt her again. He seeks Richard's advice, asking him why he left Ellis. He then spoke to Finn and realized Meredith told Finn a great many things about him, but he didn't even know Finn's a widower. He willingly walks away from Meredith in order to spare her from his further complicating her life, but his leaving finally gives Meredith the clarity and courage to take a leap of faith and choose Derek over Finn, even though, as Finn said, "He's going to hurt you, and when he does, I won't be here."

Title Reference

This episode's title refers to "What I Am" by Edie Brickell & New Bohemians.

Music

• "If Looks Could Kill" - Camera Obscura
• "Standing In The Way Of Control" - The Gossip
• "Back In Time" - Au Revoir Simone
• "So:Lo" - Kate Havnevik
• "Province" - TV on the Radio
• "Fall For Nothing" - Mindy Smith