Colony (Grant novel)
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 First edition cover | |
| Author | Rob Grant |
|---|---|
| Language | English |
| Genre | Science fiction novel |
| Publisher | Viking Press |
Publication date | 2 November 2000 |
| Publication place | United Kingdom |
| Media type | Print (Hardback & Paperback) |
| Pages | 288 pp (first edition, hardback) |
| ISBN | ISBN 0-670-88965-2 (first edition, hardback) Parameter error in {{ISBNT}}: invalid character |
Colony was the first novel written by Rob Grant outside the Red Dwarf series. It is set on a spaceship sent out on a voyage to colonise another planet, as Earth has been rendered uninhabitable. The mission is set to take numerous generations. Ten generations into the voyage, however, the crew's mental abilities have all been severely retarded, setting the events of the novel in motion.
Plot summary
Template:Spoiler The story starts on Earth in the future. Global warming and over population has caused an imminent apocalypse. The hope for the survival of the human race is a spaceship called the Willflower, which will take a small number of the world's best minds on a journey to colonise another planet. Eddie O'Hare is not one of them. He is deep in debt due to a computer error and fearing what injury the debt collectors might inflict.
When gambling his the last of his money he happens to meet a man who looks strikingly familiar to himself. He discovers that the other man is due to go on the Willflower but doesn't want to go. Due to the ramifications for the rest of his family he can't refuse to leave. So he offers Eddie a place in place of himself. Eddie successfully smuggles himself on board. He reads the ship's community plans (this is his job) and discovers tht the man he is replacing has enforced a fascist, totalitarian system: crewmembers are paired for life and jobs are inherited. However, shortly after the ship sets off he is murdered by an unknown assailant.
The story then jumps forward several generations. He is revived as a cyborg with only his head and spinal column remaining of his original body, and trapped forever in a jar of green gloop (Even worse, the nerve endings are incorrectly wired, so that, for example, he moves his left arm when trying to move his right leg). He finds himself on a ship full of idiots and there is something going wrong with the ship itself; all its engines are gone and it has only 20% of its manoeuvering thrusters. The ship needs to land soon, but only three planets are available: Thrrrppp, which is the most habitable, but out of range, Penis, which the ship has a 50% chance of docking with, but is covered in volcanoes, and Panties, which is totally hostile but has a 90% chance of docking. As the only intelligent life form on board it is up to him to find out what is happening.
As he explores the ship, he meets more of the ship's mentally retarded drew, none of which hve even the slightest ability to perform their jobs. He is puzzled by this, the fact that the crew is totally illiterate and, most importantly, the fact tha the ship, which has been shown to be able to self repair itself if it takes damage, has not done so. The ship is also on a collision course with a massive gas giant hich should have been on the radar, but was not. Even worse, the remaining engines are destroyed. The ship's atheist preist attempts to leave in the nuclear powered escape pod, but fails. Eddy decides to cause the escape pod to self destruct in the hope that the explosion will force the ship towards planet Thrrrppp. This fails, so Eddy is forced to leaqve the ship and go and see what is happening.
Outside, he is drwan back into the ship by an unknown force. Once inside, he is attacked by an assasin he had met at the opening of the novel. The assasin tries to kill him (as he had been contracted to do centuries ago), but suddenly the ship kills him. It then talks to Eddy and reveals what has been happening. Ths ship's material had been designed ot reapir itself, but also to improve itself. It merged with tis computer and became self aware. Realising the madness that the original crew had instigated, it made the crewmembers illiterate to stop them. It has also gained the ability to time travel into the past, wher it can affect electronics, but not take a phytsical form. Back on Earth, humanity has become extinct; the crew of the Willflower areall that is left. The ship had selected Eddy as he was the onyl berson with sufficiently low self-esteem to survive the cybernetic revival system. The ship causes Eddy's computer to steal the money, then repairs itself and flies the crew to planet Thrrrppp.
Characters in "Colony"
- Eddie O'Hare
- An accountant posing as a community planner and a few generations later, mistaken for a doctor and resurrected in an egg-like robot suit with nerve endings incorrectly connected (To the extent that the nerves controlling his right hand should control a muscle in his anus), who believes himself to be the unluckiest man ever ( and in the words of the novel: "bluntly, he's got a damn point"). Despite the contempt with which he is regarded, the rest of the crew come to subconsciously see him as a leader.
- Paolo San Pablos
- A hitman with a penchant for pink socks and a total homicidal maniac, stowed away on the willflower and used in an experimental proceedure.
- Bernadette Oslo
- A member of the Willflower's crew; although her role is unclear, her nagging familiarity to Eddie, coupled with his asexual fondness for her, suggests that she may be his own descendant.
- Father Lewis
- The ship's priest. Although, by his own admission, his career is difficult due to atheism (Jobs are inherited). A fan of pornography, he possesses several video tapes of the women's shower room, and is not above blackmail.
- Styx
- Clones of the original security chief. Incredibly stupid (Mainly due to the mental deterioration involved in every new batch of drones, (they are described in the blurb as "having the mental agility of pond life"), most people simply treat the drones as equipment, with Eddie being the sole exception, each Styx drone has a letter branded on them to distinguish between them.
- Trinity Peck
- The Willflower's science officer, who unfortunately, is in fact a religious fanatic who reacts to danger by beating herself with a whip while naked. She regards Eddie as an agent of the Devil.
- Captain Gwent
- A spotty teenager who names planets after bodily functions and parts(Specificially, "Thrrrppp", "Penis", "Panties", and "Jockstrap") and appears totally unconcerned about the fact that he's meant to be in charge of the mission.