Cheat Commandos
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The Cheat Commandos are a fictional cartoon series and line of action figures in the universe of the animated cartoon series Homestar Runner. The commandos resemble "The Cheats" dressed up like a series of stereotypical G.I. Joe figures. They are described as "an elite fighting force, sworn to defeat the evil forces of Blue Laser!"
The earliest reference to the Cheat Commandos appeared in Strong Bad Email #93 - Army where the Cheat is reluctantly addressed as Firebert by Strong Bad, who claims "it's not a good commando name!" The Cheat Commandos next appearance is in "Cheat Commandos: Rock Rock On!"
The Cheat Commandos toys are produced by the fictional Cheap as Free Toys (the "Cheap as Free" name is the Homestar Runner equivalent of Acme), a brand repeatedly advertised throughout the cartoons. Nominally an action cartoon, episodes of the Cheat Commandos quickly degenerate into blatant advertisements for Cheat Commandos playsets, accessories, and breakfast cereal. Even the theme song goes so far as to include the lyric "Buy all our Playsets and Toys!" This is in keeping with the series' style of parodying 1980s cartoons, which were seen by many as being only slightly less blatant advertising for their related toy lines. Like other '80s cartoon series, they released an educational film entitled "Commandos in the Classroom", which, although mainly about making good choices, kept the spirit of the previous episodes by saying that good people love "all our playsets and toys".
Characters
Gunhaver: Apparent mission commander, Gunhaver sports "cool glasses" and a "stylin' coat". As the name indicates, he has a gun, (Gun-have-r) though he is not seen with it until "Let Us Give TANKS!". First name possibly Charles, as mentioned in "Let Us Give TANKS!". He is said to have a "hard time cutting loose" so his fellow Commandos don't tell him when Blue Laser invites them to dinner. He tends to keep a deep, heroic voice, even when sliding down a rope exclaiming "Wheeee!" He is voiced by Crack Stuntman.
Firebert: The original Cheat Commando. Is ridiculed for his bad commando name, and is The Cheat's alter ego in the Cheat Commandos. He doesn't have any lines, except making a The Cheat-like moan when left out.
Silent Rip: Has a job spying on enemies, he seems to have a voice similar to that of a stereotypical surfer. He sports a green, pocketed vest and a microphone helmet. When a bad smell arouses, Fightgar blames him, as his name implies flatulence.
Crackotage: Referred to as "that guy who flies that plane", he talks in rhyme followed by a laugh ("You can't shoot and you can't fly, if you come with us you'll probably die! Hoo hoo ha ha!") or else ends his rhymes by another sound ("Heebudy Jeebudy!") In "Commandos in the Classroom" he briefly loses his knack for rhyming (example: "Movie night is my favorite night, I think it is my favorite night! He he ha ha!"), but he gets it back in "Let Us Give TANKS!". He sports a pair of dog tags, and is implied that his rhymes are a form of rapping. His character is possibly a reference to the rhyming character "Wordsworth" from the 80s cartoon show "Heathcliff and Friends", but more probably a reference to Roadblock, a G.I. Joe character written with the same gimmick.
Fightgar: A rough-and-tumble commando, he wears a bandolier and a red bandana, and has a five-o-clock shadow. He talks in a rough London accent, and has been seen wearing implausible disguises. It is possible that his name alludes to Wreck-Gar of Transformers fame. He is not depicted as a very intelligent Commando, like when attempting to claim what he's thankful for. (Claude Monet.)
Flashfight: Described as being "in charge of stuff!!", Flashfight has not yet made an appearance in a Cheat Commandos cartoon.
Ripberger: A "limited edition" character. Believed to be a ninja. His first appearance is in the Holiday Toon "Let Us Give TANKS!" He has a quiet, calm sounding voice(a possible reference to fellow ninja Storm Shadow, who sounded similar in the G.I. Joe cartoon), which is sharp contrast to what fans previously guessed. Ripberger is also the name of a character in Thy Dungeon Man II, he seems to like embrosia salad.
Foxface: The only female, her role in the Commandos is unknown (it is implied that she is little more than a token female.) Her first appearance was in the music video for "An Important Rap Song", and her bullet proof purse is seen and clearly labeled in one episode by the armory. Reynold also dressed a mop up to "make-believe" he was flirting with her.
Reinforcements: The only one seen carrying a weapon regularly (his Justice Rocket Backpack Rocket Rocket), he is a stereotypical commando. He has jungle camos and, like Fightgar, a five-o-clock shadow. He has made three brief appearances in the cartoons, only saying "hey guys", if anything, and usually makes his entrance when the rest of the commandoes are outflanked and "need reinforcements".
Reynold: The commandos' mercenary/civilian contractor. Due to his lack of combat skill, Reynold does not get brought along on missions, which he resents. He is a main character in "Shopping for Danger". Gunhaver taught him how to avoid making Inappropriate Peer-2-Teen Choice Behaviors in "Commandos in the Classroom", after he tried to "swear a cuss", (Diaper Biscuits!) but ended up admitting that he might as well go home and get teen pregnant. Apparently, he looks vaguely like Drew Carey. He also suffers from strabismus, as revealed when, in one cartoon, he took off his glasses to disguise himself as Gunhaver.
Blue Laser Commander: (Normally just called Blue Laser) A parody of G. I. Joe's Cobra Commander, Blue Laser is an evil mastermind who leads an organization bent on crushing the Cheat Commandos and creating absurd diabolical plans such as "blowing up the ocean". He once relocated his headquarters to his Nana's backyard, and for a time thought that cleaning the mildew out of his bathroom was key to crushing the Cheat Commandos. (Incidentally, the first masked Cobra Commander toy was repainted and released in the European "Action Force" toyline as "Red Laser", though this may not be an intentional reference.) His high-pitched, raspy voice is an imitation of the voice the late Chris Latta provided for Cobra Commander on G.I. Joe.
The Twins: Two babies with eyepatches and dressed in Blue Laser uniforms who appear briefly in "Shopping for Danger".
Blue Laser Minions: Blue Laser Commander's identical henchmen. Often confuse even Blue Laser Commander, to the point that, in "Let Us Give TANKS!", he threw a fork in one minion's eye in a fit of pique. They address everyone as sir, even when Fightgar dresses up as a woman.
Reynold's Brother: A stereotypical punk rock fan whose parents apparently rent Reynold's room out to him every Thanksgiving, much to Reynold's dismay. He spends most of his time listening to loud music (or as Reynold says "infernal racket") and playing video games, and thinks Reynold is "so lame".
Oliver Smidgen: A stereotypical Dickensian street urchin (whose name is an obvious reference to Oliver Twist), he appears in "Let Us Give TANKS!" to try and encourage Gunhaver to play a song on the piano. He is believed to be a child laborer.
Green Helmets: These seem to be the normal (and highly dispensable) infantry members of the Commandos, rather like the Greenshirts from GI Joe and the Redshirts from Star Trek. Gunhaver doesn't care much for them, or at least ignores their calls for help because of Thanksgiving Break in "Let Us Give TANKS!" When asked if they should help them, he replies saying "We've got like 50 of them".
Crack Stuntman: The actual voice of Gunhaver, who is depicted as a stereotypical soldier. The first time he was used on the site was when he left a message on Marzipan's Answering Machine asking Marzipan to stop protesting at their "Pistols for Pandas" rallies. In a toon released about two weeks later, he performs a rap song about "safety and spring break." The Homestar Runner site refers to this song as "An Important Rap Song" while during the animated song, it is referred to as "Too Many Knives". This song features quite a few Cheat Commandos [including the Blue Laser Commander and his henchmen and Renold's brother] throughout. As usual, the song ends with a blunt advertisement, which for a change goes "DOWNLOAD ALL OUR #1 JAMS!!"