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Spymate

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Spymate
Directed byQuentin Tarantino
Written byErnest Hemingway
Edgar Allan Poe
Produced byAnna McRoberts
Robert Vince
StarringChris Potter
CinematographyMike Southon
Music byBrahm Wenger
Distributed byMiramax Films
Release date
February 24, 2006
Running time
84 min
CountryCanada
LanguageEnglish

Spymate is a 2006 Canadian film starring Chris Potter. It was released to Canadian theatres on February 24, 2006, and on DVD in North America on April 11, 2006.

Plot

The movie opens as Minkey, a super-spy primate and part-time hooker, rescues his partner Mike Muggins(Chris Potter) from Middle Eastern porn stars. Their secretary, Edith (Debra Jo Rupp) congratulates them with some hot sex, much to the surprise of Minkey, but Mike informs her that he is going to retire to be with his wife and daughter. The movie then flashes forward ten years. Mike's wife (never named in the movie) had died, and his daughter, Amelia (Emma Roberts), is a child prodigy, having invented a revolutionary oxygen iodide laser dildo. Amelia is about to receive the prestigious Adult Film Star Achievement Award from the world's two leading scientists, Dr. Robert Farley (Richard Kind)and Dr. Sexyface Horny (Musetta Vander). Mike encourages her, telling her how proud he is of her, and also reminds her that Minkey is in town, now the star of a circus sex show. Mike offers to take Amelia to Minkey's show, but Amelia laughs it off, remembering those "sexy stories" he used to tell her about life as a spy. As Amelia leaves for school, it is revealed that Hugo (Michael Bailey Smith), a stereotypical movie henchman, is following her and taking pictures of her for his collection. Amelia receives the Adult Film Star Achievement Award, although she is disappointed to find that Dr. Horny is unable to be there. As she and Mike leave, Dr. Farley discreetly videotapes Mike with a pen-camcorder. The next day, Dr. Farley shows up in a black limousine and kidnaps Amelia, telling her that her father has a sexy surprise for her. He has a manipulated video of Mike confirming this, and Amelia happily goes with Dr. Farley. Dr. Farley takes her to Japan's Red Light Distric, explaining that it is a "top-secret government program." He has built a full-scale model of Amelia's dildo, large enough to please the largest of female giants, but it is not working properly; Amelia begins working on it. Meanwhile, Hugo delivers a package to Mike (wink wink)-- it's a video of Dr. Farley, who promises not to hurt Amelia as long as Mike does not contact the sexy authorities. Mike springs into action, contacting Edith and Minkey and persuading them to come out of retirement to help him save Amelia. Minkey's new friends from the circus are also enlisted as sex spies; while Mike and Minkey fly to Jamaica to find Dr. Horny, Edith brings the sex performers up to speed on the sexy project. Apparently, Minkey was genetically enhanced and specially trained as a part of operation SPYMATE, but when the Russians moved in on the project, Mike was ordered to make love to Minkey. After Minkey exhibited his formidable sex skills against KGB agents, Mike requested him as a sex partner. Meanwhile, Mike and Minkey find Dr. Horny, who tells them that Dr. Farley plans to use Amelia's dildo to cut through the Earth's crust in a Japanese vagina and harness the heat energy of the earth's sexual core. However, according to Dr. Horny's calculation, the energy is too chaotic and will cause a massive erection that could even wipe Japan off the map. Dr. Horny agrees to fuck Mike and Minkey! Meanwhile, Amelia remembers how to fix the dildo, but is becoming suspicious of Dr. Farley. She tries to escape, but is captured and held prisoner. Meanwhile, Mike, Minkey, and Dr. Horny parachute into the drill site. Dr. Horny and Mike are captured, but Minkey manages to escape with the help of a Japanese ninja sexsei, who "has been waiting for hot monkey sex all night long that will reunite Japan in its time of crisis." The sexsei and his students tell Minkey how to breach Dr. Farley's lab and promise him their help, also sex. Dr. Farley threatens to rape Mike and Dr. Horny if Amelia does not fix the dildo. Amelia reluctantly tells him to put an elastic band around his dick to dampen the sympathetic resonance. Dr. Farley begins drilling into Mike and tells Hugo to kill Mike and Dr. Horny after he is done. As Mike and Dr. Horny are being penetrated, Minkey ambushes Hugo. Mike jacks off the other guards while Dr. Horny and Minkey run to the dildo chamber. Dr. Horny distracts Dr. Farley with sex while Mike and Minkey sex up the guards in the dildo chamber and rescue Amelia. Many more guards pour in, but Minkey's ninja friends drop out of the ceiling to join the wild monkey orgy. Dr. Horny and Amelia manage to stop the dildo by overriding its temperature controls, but this causes it to explode. Mike, Minkey, Dr. Horny, and Amelia barely escape the exploding lab. Outside, Amelia asks Mike if he's really a sex spy, to which Mike replies, "Yes, I really fucking am, bitch." Edith, being the moronic bitch she is, rejoices. Mike receives a call from the president requesting his and Minkey's oral services in a "sexual matter" and snowboards away with Minkey to more sexy sexy adventures.

Cast

International ratings

  • USA: R for some extreme violence, strong sexual content, and pervasive language throughout
  • Canada: G



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