Unconditional love

For other uses, see concept of unconditional love.

Unconditional love is a term that means to love someone regardless of one's actions or beliefs. It is a concept comparable to true love, a term which is more frequently used to describe love between lovers. By contrast, unconditional love is frequently used to describe love between family members, comrades in arms and between others in highly committed relationships. It has also been used in religious context to describe God's love for humankind.

Studies and research by Harold W. Becker, author and founder of The Love Foundation, Inc., led to a practical contemporary definition which states that "unconditional love is an unlimited way of being." Experienced within the individual, this universal awareness of love operates on every level of life through the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual bodies and is expressed when one becomes conscious of its presence.

Types of unconditional love

Unconditional love separates the individual from her or his behaviors. The individual is loved unconditionally as a "perfect" child of the Higher Power. However, the individual may exhibit behaviors that are unacceptable in a particular situation. To begin with a simple example: one acquires a puppy. The puppy is cute, playful, and the owner's heart swells with love for this new family member. Then the puppy urinates on the floor. The owner does not stop loving the puppy, but needs to modify the behavior through training and education. Unconditional Love <3 my definition:______________________... Unconditional love is to love someone no matter what.

Definition in dictionary : Unconditional love is a term that means to love someone regardless of one's actions or beliefs.

Romantic love

As adults, we may "fall in love" or deeply love another. However, there are times when the other's behavior is such that it is not healthy for us, and, in order to take care of ourselves, we must distance ourselves from the unhealthy behavior. Examples include alcoholism or drug abuse and domestic violence. When one partner strikes the other, despite his or her insistence of love for the other, the victimized partner may need to distance him or herself from the abusive behavior. The victimized partner may explain that he or she loves the partner unconditionally, but cannot expose themselves to this hurtful behavior and thus need to distance from it. The abusive partner may choose to get help so they can get assistance (education) on how to change the abusive behavior. If a someone is in a relationship that includes any of the examples above they would be well advises to both seek help. Women, quite often are drawn into abusive relationships and find themselves stuck in an emotional codependency situation. This is far from romantic love. Unfortunately distancing themselves from the person who is abusing them is not always possible. Both partners should seek help if they want to continue with the relationship. Otherwise they will both repeat the negative patterns all over again with the next love relationship they have.

Critical views

Some secular authors make a distinction between unconditional love and conditional love. In conditional love: love is 'earned' on the basis of conscious or unconscious conditions being met by the lover, whereas in unconditional love, love is 'given freely' to the loved one 'no matter what'. Loving first. Conditional love requires some kind of finite exchange, whereas unconditional love is seen as infinite and measureless. Unconditional love should not be mistaken with unconditional dedication: unconditional dedication refers to an act of the will irrespective of feelings (e.g. a person may consider they have a duty to stay with a person); unconditional love is an act of the feelings irrespective of will.

Unconditional love within marriage

Psychotherapist David Schnarch compares traditional views of unconditional love versus 'conditioned' love in marital relationships. He believes that genuine love in committed relationships requires conditions. He questions the idea that unconditional love is indeed 'true' love within intimate relationships. He calls for a kind of 'rising in love' where each lover establishes conditions vis a vis the other lover that improve (or end) the love relationship. This differs from the more conventional constructs of love where people 'fall into love' unconditionally. Schnarch focuses on passionate love as essential to committed sexual relationships and paradoxically as a condition for personal growth as well and they give you what you want

In this kind of analysis much depends on what the author or his subjects regards as "true" love — there is no universally agreed definition.

As a level of consciousness

Professor Mario Beauregard, from Montreal University's centre for research into neurophysiology and cognition, used MRI to study active areas of the brain of people, who were most likely to experience unconditional love. Subjects were asked to call to mind feelings of unconditional love. Researches saw 7 active areas in the brain. Three of those areas were similar to regions in the brain that became active when it came to romantic love. The other four were different, which means that the feeling of love for someone without the need of being rewarded is different from the feeling of romantic love.

In his study professor Beauregard found that some brain areas that turned on when a person felt unconditional love also engaged in discharging dopamine, chemical that plays a role in sensing pleasure.

Religious perspective

Christianity

In Christianity, the term "unconditional love" would be more accurately expressed as Christ's forgiveness. It may also be used to indicate God's love for a person irrespective of that person's love for God. The term is not explicitly used in the Bible and advocates for God's conditional or unconditional love, using different passages or interpretations to support their point of view, are both encountered. It may be considered to be closely associated with another non-explicitly biblical, but commonly encountered saying: "God loves the sinner, but hates the sin".

While the phrase has never been used in its official teachings documents the then head of the Roman Catholic Church, Pope John Paul II was recorded as saying during a homily in San Francisco, in September 1987, that God "loves us all with an unconditional, everlasting love". He explored issues touching upon this theme in his work Dives in Misericordia (1980) in which the parable of the Prodigal Son becomes a framework for exploring the issue of God's mercy. The civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. was quoted as saying “I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality”.

Other religions

Neopaganism in general, and Wicca in particular, commonly use a traditional inspirational text, Charge of the Goddess , affirming that the Goddess's "law is love unto all beings".

Reference works

• Kramer, J. and Alstead D., The Guru Papers: Masks of Authoritarian Power, 1993, ISBN 1-883319-00-5
• Schnarch, David, Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships, 1998, ISBN 0-8050-5826-5
• Schnarch, David, Constructing the Sexual Crucible; An Integration of Sexual and Marital Therapy,
• Schnarch, David, Resurrecting Sex: Resolving Sexual Problems and Revolutionizing Your Relationship.
• Stendhal, On Love: The Classic Analysis of Romantic Love
• Tennov, Dorothy, Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love, 1999
• "Unconditional Love: The real, and sometimes difficult, work of love?" - A discussion project in New Zealand
• "The Love Foundation, Inc." - A U.S. based non-profit organization providing education and research on unconditional love.
• Becker, Harold W., "Unconditional Love - An Unlimited Way of Being", 2007, ISBN 9780979046001.

Notes and references

- Unconditional Love Resources & Forums