Talk:Angelina Veneziano/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Status (talk · contribs) 02:48, 17 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Review

Overview: Resolved — Statυs (talk)

2 dablinks
Instead of saying Angelina, her last name should be used, just like a normal biography article.
Before a full quote begins, seperate it and the sentence with a colon, not a comma. For example, "According to CBS Soaps In Depth DeGarmo said: "I'm definitely spicing things up! Angelina is getting into a bit of shenanigans and trouble along the way, just to make sure people are on their toes." and not "According to CBS Soaps In Depth DeGarmo said "I'm definitely spicing things up! Angelina is getting into a bit of shenanigans and trouble along the way, just to make sure people are on their toes."
Make sure that everything is in proper tense, for example "Hearing of this, Angelo assumed that..." and not {{!xt|"Hearing of this, Angelo assumes that..."

Done ~ fixed tense issues in storyline. Ar re 01:34, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Make sure this is also corrected throughout the article, whenever it speaks of something that happened in the show. Statυs (talk) 01:36, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Done ~ went through the whole article and corrected words. Tense issues should be okay now. Ar re 02:02, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

References: Resolved — Statυs (talk)

Dates are not always in the same format. For example, 2011-10-31 and 16-11-2012. Choose one or the other and stick to it.
Publishers should not be in brackets. For example, ref1 should be Hollywood Reporter. Prometheus Global Media. and not Hollywood Reporter. (Prometheus Global Media).
ref7: Ryan Seacrest → Ryanseacreast.com
ref15: Yahoo!. (Yahoo). → Yahoo! News. Yahoo! Inc.

Done remaining date formats Ar re 01:17, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

ref13: missing author
Fixed Ar re 04:30, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Lead: Resolved — Statυs (talk)

"...on-screen..." Unnecessary
"during the episode that aired on October 31, 2011." → "during the episode dated October 31, 2011."
"Angelina was previewed" What exactly does previewed mean?
"DeGarmo described her as a "jersey girl" who was over-the-top" → "DeGarmo described the character as an over-the-top "jersey girl"..."
..."and she was noted for her flamboyant costumes and voice. By who?
"DeGeramo didn't have to audition for the role." Unnecessary
"...at the time..." Unnecessary
"Maria Arena Bell offered the part to her after seeing her performance in the musical production of Hairspray." → "Maria Arena Bell offered DeGarmo the role of Veneziano after seeing her performance in the musical production of Hairspray." What performance did she see her in?
"Angelina arrived in Genoa City, Wisconsin to be with her father Angelo Veneziano." Why does she want to be with her father? Where was she living before? I'm not familiar with the character, so I don't know if it's mentioned in the show or not, but this seems very vague.
"She had a new-found dream of becoming a successful music artist, and worked with music producer Devon Hamilton to achieve this." Very oddly worded.
"However, it was quickly figured out that she lacked in talent..." → By whom? And "quickly figured out" is very oddly worded and incorrect.
"...despite DeGarmo's real-life voice." How is it despite? Unnecessary
Combine "She also developed a crush on Kevin Fisher. and Aided by her father, she takes her crush to extreme heights and cons Kevin into a marriage which was short-lived. into one sentence.
"She leaves town on March 27, 2012 after a five-month stint." → "After a five-month stint on the series, on March 27, 2012, Veneziano leaves Genoa City." To go where?

Done most of this. There is just one thing; I've never really seen the last name being used for fictional/soap characters. Like for this featured article for Poppy Meadow or the only US soap GA Todd Manning. Where I got lots of pointers from. Ar re 00:07, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Maybe I'm wrong. I'll check to see if there's any guidelines on how to write such an article. I'll continue the review shortly. Statυs (talk) 00:19, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I haven't found anything, but looking around, you're right. For fictional characters, their first names are used throughout the article. Statυs (talk) 00:38, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Sure okay. Thankyou for doing this. Yes, it's the same for soap characters. It's not just a fictional biography (storyline), it's how the character was created. Ar re 00:40, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Casting: Resolved — Statυs (talk)

Should specify she is joining the cast of The Young and the Restless.
"She was sixteen years old at the time." Unnecessary
"Additionally, while previewing the character she noted that..." What does previewing the character mean?

Done; Fixed. Previewing means she was describing elements of the character before she debuted on the series. It's a different word to use other than "Described" or "noted" all the time. Ar re 00:56, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Not a fan of using that word, it really isn't needed. Statυs (talk) 00:58, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, removed it. Ar re 01:01, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Please refer to the new issue in "Overall". Once that is complete, I will continue. Statυs (talk) 01:03, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Done Ar re 01:11, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Characterization: Resolved — Statυs (talk)

alredy → already

Music career: Resolved — Statυs (talk)

Top 40 shouldn't be in quotations.
"Fans of “Young and the Restless”... → "Fans of 'Young and the Restless'...

Relationship with Kevin Fisher: Resolved — Statυs (talk)

"The relationship, however, ends when..." → "The relationship, however, ended when..."

Done Ar re 01:25, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

How about an image of Kevin and her, or just an image of Kevin for this section?

There is no free-image of the actor. I could upload a non-free one, though? Ar re 04:15, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Well, there doesn't need to be one anyway. I just added the pic of the actress. Ar re 04:16, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

This picture could work. Just add a rationale for this article to the page, and you're set! I think it would be nice to add an image of who she had the crush on (and eventually married); it's a big part of her story. Statυs (talk) 04:20, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Good point. Just did it. Ar re 04:28, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Storylines: Resolved — Statυs (talk)

"...becoming a recording artist..." You mean successful recording artist, right?
"Angelo's girlfriend Gloria requested the help of music producer Devon to help her out..." Too much use of the word "help".

Done Ar re 01:34, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Reception: Resolved — Statυs (talk)

Any more reception?

I looked a lot and was having a hard time finding content for that section. There was stuff, but it is suited to "Characterization" because it is about the character, not how people viewed her. Ar re 01:40, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I just expanded reception. Hope it's okay. Ar re 03:25, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Verdict

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
It is reasonably well written. a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): It is factually accurate and verifiable. a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): It is broad in its coverage. a (major aspects): b (focused): It follows the neutral point of view policy. Fair representation without bias: It is stable. No edit wars, etc.: It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate. a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall: Pass/Fail:
· · ·

Great work on the article! After thoroughly reviewing it, I am confident in passing it to GA status! Statυs (talk) 04:33, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thankyou so much, Zac, for doing this review:) I'm extremely happy. This is the first Good article for Y&R. Ar re 04:36, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

It was my pleasure! Statυs (talk) 04:43, 18 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.