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Sexual desire discrepancy is the difference between one's desired frequency of sexual intercourse and the actual frequency of sexual intercourse within a relationship. Higher individual sexual desire discrepancies among married individuals may undermine relationship well-being.[1] Higher SDD scores for females may be beneficial for romantic relationships, perhaps because those females have high levels of passionate love and attachment to a given partner.[2] Problems of sexual desire are the most common sexual dysfunctions reported by couples seeking sex therapy, yet have historically been the most difficult to successfully treat. Studies suggest women with higher levels of desire relative to their partners may experience fewer relationship adjustment problems than women with lower levels of desire relative to their partners.[3]


Heterosexual Couples

Marital Couples

In married couples, husbands have been found to experience higher sexual desire discrepancies than their wives. Those who individually experience higher rates of sexual desire discrepancy during their marriage exhibit lower levels of satisfaction in the relationship. This high discrepancy also impairs other aspects of the relationship. For example, an increase in relationship instability, more negative communication within the relationship and an increase in conflict all result from high desire discrepancies.[4]

Non-Marital Couples

High desire discrepancies affect men and women in a relationship differently. Men experience reduced sexual satisfaction while women experience reduced relationship satisfaction.[5] It has also been found that men experience a lower relationship satisfaction when desire discrepancy is high.[6]

Same-sex couples

Lesbian couples

Low sexual desire discrepancies (low sexual desire and low sexual frequency) are common amongst lesbian couples, similar to heterosexual women in a relationship.[7][8] The sexual frequency between lesbian couples are reported as less frequent in comparison to gay male, heterosexual, married and unmarried couples.[9] To support this notion, a study looked at 1,500 lesbian women who were in a relationship where 78% were initially uninvolved in sexual activities.[10] Blumstein and Schwartz reported in ‘American Couples’ that in a sample of lesbian women in a relationship, half of the lesbian sample had low levels of sexual contact and stated that they were dissatisfied with their sexuality suggesting low sexual desire, therefore low SDD. As well as this, the lesbian sample had reported high sexual desire and frequency at the beginning of their relationship and a pattern appeared with a decrease of sexual activity within long term relationships.[9] However, this study comes with various criticisms. (see Lesbian bed death:criticisms).

In same-sex relationships for women, those with low sexual desire discrepancies mean that women experience low sexual activity and low satisfaction for their sexual relationship. Although, at early stages of their relationship, it is common to find high relationship satisfaction and no issues with low desire discrepancy, meaning that a good sexual satisfaction should exist.[11] As well as lesbian women commonly reporting low sexual desire in their relationship, they also report low arousal, more issues with lubrication,[12] low sexual satisfaction and low sexual frequency as the relationship length increases.[13][14] However, research suggests that given the fact that lesbian couples in a relationship are seen to have lower sexual activity, they are likely to be satisfied with their sexual frequency similar to heterosexual women in their relationship[15] highlighting the fact that low desire discrepancies may not necessarily be an issue for women.

An explanation for low desire discrepancies for lesbian couples can be explained by the “lesbian bed death” myth, which argues that sexual activity will significantly reduce in same-sex relationships as the length of the relationship increases, which supports the idea that lesbian couples experience high SDD at early stages in their relationships compared to later on.[9][13][14][16] Other explanations for low SDD's in lesbian couples could possibly be due to the fact that women are more "sensual rather than sexual" so are less likely to participate in such sexual activities,[17] or perhaps due to the absence of a male figure needed to elicit sexual drive.[18]

Desire Discrepancy Disorders

Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD)

Individuals with a particularly low degree of sexual desire can be diagnosed with hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD).[19] HSDD is characterized by the absence of sexual thoughts or desires, and the reluctance to engage in sexual activities, ultimately causing personal distress.[20] The manifestation of personal distress due to the disorder is crucial for isolating individuals without HSDD and no distress from those suffering from HSDD and personal distress.[20] HSDD has both psychological and physical consequences, ranging from anxiety, frustration and shame, to a poorer body image.[21]

Those suffering from HSDD report significantly lower levels of sexual satisfaction as well as lower levels of overall relationship adjustment.[22] Due to its adverse effects on an individual’s sexual satisfaction, HSDD has been shown to negatively affect a relationship overall.[19]

Desire Discrepancy and Gender

Gender differences

There exist gender differences in the frequency of experiencing sexual desire, with men showing a higher frequency than women.[23] Furthermore, there are gender differences in the causes attributed to sexual desire. Men are more likely to consider their sexual desire to stem from erotic environmental factors whereas women are more likely to view interpersonal factors and intimacy as playing a greater role in their sexual desire.[24] Men are known to desire the same frequency of sexual intercourse in their current relationship and this is persistent one year later. However women have low sexual desires as the relationship length continues. [25][26]

Reasons for gender differences

Women's sexual desire is seen to be much weaker than men's,[27][28] with sexual urges portraying to be less strong than men's sexual urges. [29] Reasons for women's low sexual desire may be due to the understanding that sexual intercourse leads to pregnancy.[30][31] Engaging in sexual intercourse requires a woman to invest 9 months in pregnancy, whereas a male's investment is based solely on how much time he wishes to commit to the partner. Thus, there are differential costs to engage in sexual activity which can affect a woman's sexual desire.

Another reason why women are more likely to have low sexual desire and less sexual activity compared to men may be because when enduring in copulation with a male, women's experience of achieving an orgasm is low.[32] Therefore, a females gratification for sexual intercourse may be lower than a males, where a male is able to enjoy sex consistently compared to a female, signifying why males sexual desire is usually higher.[33]

Another reason for this difference may be due to differences in levels of testosterone between men and women. Males possess significantly higher levels of testosterone levels in comparison to females. [34][35] Studies have shown the importance of testosterone levels and its affect on sexual desire. For example, female-to-male transsexuals were administered with testosterone and reportedly experienced higher levels of sexual arousal and desire. The opposite occurred for male-to-female transsexuals who received androgen deprivation (antiandrogens), who reportedly experienced a decrease in sexual desire. [36] Even so, a study looked at women who had their ovaries removed. The females received high doses of testosterone as a treatment therapy. There were increased levels of sexual motivation, sexual fantasies, masturbation, as well as reports of increased sexual intercourse with the testosterone treatment. [37]

Looking at the evolutionary perspective, the evolutionary theory depicts that partners sexual desire are usually deemed to be high during the start of the relationship. This high sexual drive can instigate individuals to become closely connected to one another. This sexual desire is ultimately reduced throughout the course of the relationship in order to focus on producing children.[38] Women ultimately may incur in decreases of sexual desire once they feel they have achieved a connection with their partner. However, with men this is not the case and will continually wish to participate in sexual activity.[39] But, men can experience decreases in sexual desires but due to the expectations by women of male sexual principles, it may not be reasonable for a man to confess to this matter as they should invariably possess high sexual desires.[40]

An important point by McCarthy and McDonald highlighted that there are variations in men's sex drive signifying that solid conclusions should not be made. [41] As well as this, both males and females have reported in engaging in sexual activities with the low sexual desire levels therefore highlighting that sexual desire and sexual behaviour are not always intertwined. [42]

Age

Age is an important factor in understanding human sexuality. [43] From adolescence, to adults, to old age, an individual experiences changes in sexual desires and sexual frequencies.

Old age

Sexual desire discrepancy (SDD) declines from adolescence into older age, where sexual desire and sexual frequency both decrease. [44][45][46] Data suggests that female sexual desire is not affected by age,[47] however, the majority of data shows that sexual desire is affected by age and decreases as age increases.[48][49] For older women, sexual desire can be determined by one’s relationship context, i.e. whether she has a partner or not, but a man’s sexual desire is not determined by this.[50] With men between the ages 40 and 70 years old, sexual desire, sexual thoughts and sexual dreams gradually decline with age.[51] However, Diokono and researchers showed that almost 74% of married men above the age of 60 were sexually active,[52] and 63% of men aged between 80 to 102 years were also sexually active.[53]

There are several reasons for the changes in sexual desire discrepancies, that is low sexual desire and low sexual frequencies. From a biological perspective, as an individual ages, sex hormones change. [54] For men, levels of testosterone reduce with age[55] and by the time a man is 80, testosterone levels are likely to be one sixth of a young man.[56] However, testosterone level has not been regarded to correlate with sexual drive/desire, but bioavailable testosterone levels were correlated with sexual desire and erectile functions (total testosterone level is the sum of bioavailable testosterone and sex hormone binding globulin (SHBG)).[57] In women ovaries create 95% of estradiol (a sex hormone), but during menopause estradiol is terminated by the ovaries.[58] This means estrogen levels decline as a woman becomes older, which creates changes to a woman's hormone levels and can ultimately reduce vaginal lubrication.[59] This signifies that a reduction in the frequency of sexual intercourse among older women may be because sexual intercourse can become uncomfortable.

Other factors for low SDD in older individuals may be illness. The effects on sexual ability and partaking in sexual intercourse can be influenced by illnesses such as arthritis, cardiovascular disease and diabetes, where these are co-morbid with age.[60][61]

Attitudes towards an individual's self and towards their sexual partner can too affect sexual behaviour and sexual desire.[62] A negative view of sex in older men and women are common attitudes held.[63] With regards to "attitudes" in culture, sex appeal factors in America tend to be placed on youthful appearances such as smooth clear skin, rather than aged skin. [64] There is also a stereotype that older people are physically unattractive, unable to achieve sexual arousal and have a lack of sexual interest.[65] Another cultural attitude is that sexual acts amongst older women who are post-menopausal are deemed to be inappropriate due to the fact that sexual intercourse is for reproduction and women can no longer reproduce therefore they should not be sexually active.[66]

References

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  2. ^ Willoughby, Brian J; Vitas, Jennifer (Apr 2012). "Sexual Desire Discrepancy: The Effect of Individual Differences in Desired and Actual Sexual Frequency on Dating Couples". Archives of Sexual Behavior. 41.2: 477–86. doi:10.1007/s10508-011-9766-9.{{cite journal}}: CS1 maint: multiple names: authors list (link)
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Sources

See also

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