Turd Burglars

"Turd Burglars"
South Park episode
Episode no.	Season 23 Episode 8
Directed by	Trey Parker
Written by	Trey Parker
Production code	2308
Original air date	November 27, 2019 (2019-11-27)

"Turd Burglars" is the eighth episode of the twenty-third season of the American animated television series South Park. The 305th episode overall of the series, premiered on Comedy Central in the United States on November 27, 2019.

Plot

At the South Park Community Center, Sheila Broflovski becomes violently ill, and begins vomiting and defecating uncontrollably. At Hell's Pass Hospital, Sheila's doctor tells her sons, Kyle and Ike, that Sheila has a bacterial infection called C-diff, causing the beneficial bacteria in her stomach to be overrun by malignant bacteria, and that she needs a fecal transplant to replace her microbiome. After the transplant, Sheila extolls the beneficial health effects of the procedure to her friends Laura, Harriet Biggle, and Linda Stotch, much to the embarrassment of her sons. Consulting a video on how to prevent ridicule from one's friends over such a thing, Kyle is horrified to learn that microorganisms are all over and inside his body, and that half of the cells in his body belong to them. At night he dreams of the microscopic life forms, and the image of a bookcase that causes him to awaken with a start.

During a lunch at a restaurant, Sheila's friends tell her that they would like to undergo a faecal transplant, but that their doctors would only prescribe the procedure for medical reasons, and ask her to donate a stool sample so they can perform the procedure themselves at home. Sheila declines, saying that she does not want to participate in a do-it-yourself medical procedure that their doctors advise against. Harriet goes to Kyle and offers to give him a copy of the video game Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order if he procures a stool sample from Sheila. A disgusted Kyle flatly refuses, but his three friends, Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, and Kenny McCormick, take her up on her offer, much to Kyle's anger. Kyle consults his doctor to complain about microbiome swapping, and wonders if people with ideal health profiles like football player Tom Brady will become targets of those wanting such transplants. At the mention of Brady's name, however, the doctor is unsettled, and begins a whispered inner monologue patterned after those in the 1984 film Dune (a recurring gag in the episode), noting that Kyle "knows" about Brady's microbiome, which he calls "The Spice Melange". Though Brady's "spice" is unobtainable, the doctor wonders if Kyle will be the one who will bring it to him.

Following her at-home transplant, which she performed with a turkey baster, Harriet sings the praises of the procedure's health benefits to her friends, but refuses to tell Sheila where she got the donated stool sample from. The boys are confronted by their school counselor, Mr. Mackey, who demands to know who the "turd burglar" is, and offers to buy each of them their own copy of Fallen Order if they obtain for him someone else's stool sample, which in his inner monologue, Mackey indicates to be "The Spice Melange." At a post-game press conference, Tom Brady wants to talk about his team's performance, but the press do nothing but ask him for a stool sample, which Brady categorically says he will not give or sell to anyone. As Kyle's dreams about the microbiome continue, he again is haunted by thoughts of "the bookcase", and even develops the ability to see the microorganisms covering his body when awake.

Stan, Cartman, and Kenny ask Brady's publicist for a stool sample by telling her that Kenny is dying and needs it. The publicist, noting in her inner monologue that they want the "Spice Melange", wonders if they are "the ones." At another shared meal, Harriet, ill and covered in vomit stains, confronts her friends, angrily accusing Sheila of tainting her feces in some way to sabotage her transplant. Linda and Laura then become ill themselves, uncontrollably vomiting and defecating in the restaurant, having stolen the remainder of Harriet's stolen sample and performed their own turkey baster transplants.

At Tom Brady's home, his housekeeper, Mable Gonzalez, welcomes the boys, and when she has an whispered inner monologue of her own, Cartman and Stan, having their own such mental soliloquies, wonder why everyone seems to be taking long pauses after speaking and looking at them as if expecting them to say something. As Hell's Pass Hospital fills with local citizens suffering from C-diff, the doctor tells police Detective Harrison Yates that the outbreak began at the restaurant, where patrons became infected by Sheila's friends, because the turkey basters they used for their transplants are only used once a year, at Thanksgiving, and spend the rest of the year collecting bacteria in drawers. The doctor says they don't have enough healthy faeces to give all the patients transplants, which means that half of South Park will die.

In Tom Brady's living room, the boys sit with other people lobbying Tom Brady for a stool sample, and when this leads to conflict, Brady tells them all to leave, instructing them that if they want a healthy microbiome, they need to adopt a healthier diet and lifestyle. Kyle then appears, his glowing blue eyes enabling him to see the bacteria. This leads him to Brady's living room bookcase, which Kyle reveals to be a door to a hidden room where Brady keeps enough stored faeces for the entire town. Brady explains that he stopped flushing it because people kept breaking his pipes to acquire them. The boys bring the faeces to Hell's Pass Hospital, where it is used to treat all the infected patients, including Sheila's friends, who exchange apologies with her and each other for their recent conduct. When Sheila asks Kyle how he knew how to resolve the crisis, Kyle explains that his microbiome knew, and that he realised that it had been trying to tell him something all along. Kyle says he has learned that the creatures inside him are part of him, and will now "trust his gut" a bit more.

Reception

Jesse Schedeen from IGN gave the episode a 9.7 of out 10, stating in his review: “South Park may not be as consistent as it once was, but the series can still deliver episodes that rival the best of its golden years. By combining a classic format with hilarious poop jokes and the most bizarrely entrancing Dune parody imaginable, this episode hits all the right notes.”

Joe Matar of Den of Geek gave the episode 3 stars out of 5, stating: “It’s not a particularly bad episode. In fact, in what has been a largely boring, unfunny season, it’s probably the best one so far. Still, in the end, like so many South Park episodes, how much you enjoy yourself will depend on how much you’re into the running gags that get repeated again and again throughout. In this case, those gags are a Dune reference and women puking and shitting a lot. For me, this stuff had diminishing returns. I’d rate “Turd Burglars” somewhere between “meh” and “fine.””

Stephanie Williams of The A.V. Club gave the episode a B grade, saying in her review: “The ladies received the same power as the men of South Park, and that’s shitty power, no pun intended.”