User talk:Youreallycan/YRC2.0

Delete or collapse/rename this section once you have read it

This is my idea, based on a combination of what Boing is doing for me, and how the military trains people. Seriously. To train in the military, you break them down, you build them up. Trust me, I was there. I know you are feeling a bit broke down. This is actually helpful. Now we build you up with new techniques. We empower you by helping you develop new tools that will make you a better editor. Don't take offense at the obvious nature of some of the thoughts and ideas, or the intentional redundancy. I don't think you are dumb, and that is not why it is there. They are there to remind you of what you already know, and how it applies to new communication methods. Repetition leads to habits. The key is to create your own guideline that you agree to, you edit and add to, and you live by. By you participating in this way, it will reinforce the ideas. Basically, you and I are building an interaction guide, one that could be used for any other editor. There are already lots of holes in this guide, and you need to help me fill them. This is self paced, but does require that you follow your own instructions in every interaction you have here. You are the boss, and you have to be a little tough on yourself. The ideas you build here will become habit because you practice them every day and you are the one who is determining what the "rules" are. I have only provided you a starting point. Nothing here is chiseled in stone, feel free to delete or modify anything.

Don't be overwhelmed by all this. It is a bit rough as it is the first time I've done this, but we are starting from the ground up and you can use as much or as little as is needed. Just remember that YOU are in control here. Change comes from within, not the outside, and I'm only here as a guide. Think of me as training wheels that you will soon enough cast off. The conversations here should be relaxed, not formal. The stronger you embrace it, the quicker the new techniques become good habits, the more natural the changes will feel. There is no particular timeline. In order for you to experience the type of change you are looking for, you need to start from the bottom up and cover things you already know. This isn't about educating you on the minor points (you already know most of this), it is about reinforcing the ideas in your mind so they become practical, instead of theoretical. You say the ideas, you read them, you type them, you become them. You invite other editors that you trust to participate. You delete or revert as you please. We aren't going to try to change you, we are going to help you reduce your actual and apparent frustration level by increasing your confidence in your actions and show you some methods to reduce stress. You can't just "be polite", you have to learn methods to become less defensive on the inside, so the "polite" is a natural extension of yourself. All personal changes will be of your own making.

You will be forced to slow down your pace at BLPN, as well as each interaction during this process, accept this and don't burn yourself out trying to do too much, as that isn't helpful. Likely, you will work slower at the end of it as well yet get more work done, since haste is one problem that leads to more problems. You still need to work on articles for this to work, just avoid the heavy lifting for a while. Allowing others to carry the load for a while is one of the important lessons here, interdependence. Again, much of what is here is redundant, other things are elementary. This is intentional for reinforcing, not a statement on your intelligence.

You are not obligated to do this, and the styles and methods here will likely change. This is just the start, I have no idea what it will look like in a week. By deleting or collapsing/renaming this top section, I will assume you are ready to start by spending a day reading, mulling it over, and asking a question or two in the sections below. Feel free to delete any content, rearrange, or otherwise format it in a way that is natural for you. I will adjust. If you decide you do not want to participate at all, you may simply delete this whole page, but that may make it difficult to help you further. The next move is yours.

Goal

Overview - To create and develop new habits that will improve communications and reduce disruptive behavior in every day dealings at Wikipedia.

To accomplish this, we need to do a few things.

1. Become more proactive by leaving better summaries and talk page notes when making any potentially contentious revert or edit.

2. Develop a more polite and neutral communication style, which invites others to engage rather than attack.

3. Create consistency in summaries, messages and communications so your intent is more clear.

4. Reduce the temptation to act hastily. This will let you get more done, since you spend less time explaining or defending yourself.

5. Establish thresholds, so you know when to walk away and let someone else finish the job, preventing you from acting in a reactionary way.

6. Establish methods, so each time you revert or take action, you so in a consistent way with surety and in compliance with expectations.

7. Document this so you have a guide to help you along the way, and perhaps someone else down the road.

Guidelines for all participants

This page may be modified by YRC in any way he sees fit, including stripping content, rearranging or otherwise formatting to be more useful. Other editors are welcomed to participate, but should respect the overall structure and respond in the proper sections. We aren't here to pat anyone on the back, we are here to build. All criticisms, praises and observations are welcome, but a high level of civility is expected here. YRC and Dennis Brown reserve the right to delete or revert any comment of any editor without explanation.

Methods

To be edited by YRC and to serve as a "how to guide", with the goal of developing new habits, reinforced by the act of writing them down. These will change as restrictions are lifted or as YRC determines to be within the spirit of change. It might seem odd, but it works if you let it. In order to develop new habits, you must commit yourself to following what ever is on this list at the time you act. That is what makes it a habit in time. Review this list each time before reverting.

• 0. Be extraordinarily polite. You will be amazed at how effective this is. It becomes a habit in time.

• 1. 1st revert = Leave short note on article talk page briefly explaining why you are reverting.

• 2. If someone reverts you without talk:

a. Politely ask why on article talk page

b. Leave short neutral note on their talk page, pointing to article talk page.

• 3. Wait 24 hours.

• 4. Revert back if no one has discussed, leave new note on article talk page.

• 5. If they or someone else reverts again, seek outsider for opinion.

Exceptions after 1RR:

Again, will be modified as self imposed restrictions are lifted, or along the way as appropriate.

• If you have to revert twice because it is obvious vandalism, immediately tell one of your contacts below. Don't revert again, use WP:AIV if needed.
• If you think it is not vandalism but is a serious BLP issue, tell a contact below and let them act.
• If it is clearly outing, treat similar as vandalism, revert then tell an admin or go to ANI.
• If you aren't sure or your blood pressure is above normal, ask first. Go have a cup of tea, do something else for 30 minutes.
• Never, ever edit when you are angry. If all else fails, dump the problem on all of us at ANI and just walk away for an hour. Don't let yourself be tempted. Nothing is so important that it can't be handled by someone else for an hour.

Developing a new perspective

Prose - General Advice

These are long, general suggestions that apply to all interactions. Even as you read them all, spend time to memorize the spirit of each one individually. Apply it to your daily activity. Repetition is the foundation to new habits. Add to them as if you were trying to help someone else. Reword or delete others. It will serve as a reminder to yourself, a reaffirmation of what you already know. It is important that you do this. How calm and collected you appear in your comments and summaries has a direct influence on how others will treat you. Go overboard with the neutrality. Think calm, slow down, have confidence in what you say. If you aren't confident, don't say it and go get more info. Working here isn't a sprint, it is a marathon. Pace yourself. You will end up getting more done this way. Feeling stressed over someone's revert or addition to an article that has become contentious? Dump it on ANI like this: $x is happening at article and rather than get into a revert war, I need an admin to jump in and deal with it. I'm going off wiki for a few hours. Then go read a book or play a video game to blow some stress. You don't need to be snippy or biased, just keep it simple and trust that others are smart enough to figure it out. Have enough faith in your own conclusions that you allow others to come to the same conclusion without prodding. Give others the opportunity to appreciate your good judgement. It isn't a defeat. When I'm mad, I always go to another admin or ANI and let someone else handle it, so I don't risk getting in trouble because I'm human enough to lose my objectivity sometimes. (check Drmies talk page if you think I'm kidding you here.) We all get mad from time to time, mainly because we care. The key is in how we deal with it. You will never be able to avoid getting mad. You can only avoid overreacting to it by letting others step in and help you. Others who are not emotionally invested and haven't lost their objectivity. Know when to let someone else go to bat for you. If your blood pressure is elevated, or your can hear your heartbeat through the throbbing veins in your forehead, odds are good that you need someone else to step in. Let them. You aren't a cowboy, you are an important but equal part of a team. Machines need every cog in order to function, allow the other cogs to do their jobs. Let me leave a strongly worded message on a users talk page for incivility against you, don't do it yourself. By the same token, I hope I can ask the same from you. We help each other to do two things: 1. Keep us from overreacting. 2. Demonstrate to an editor that an action is inappropriate to more than one person. Of course, if I ask you to look at a situation and you think I am the one who is wrong, I expect you to be 100% honest with me and say so, don't just do my bidding. I will always do the same for you. This is how we both learn, and we all stay out of trouble. If a user makes a personal attack or bad faith claim against you, try to simply ignore it the first time and focus on the issue as if they didn't say it. If they repeat, do not reply, ask someone else to. You are human, you need objective eyes to determine the severity of the comment. We each are not good at determining this when we are the victim of the attack. Sometimes a person will lash out, then your calm and collected reasoning wins the day. Retaliating never, ever "wins", it just insures conflict. Remember, the goal isn't to "win", it is to get the desired result, be it an inclusion or deletion. If you get the desired result, and they think they "won", all the better as you likely won't have to revisit it. Stay on topic. The easiest way to turn a discussion into a debate is if you drift into tangents. If you think a conversation has the chance to become contentious, be pithy, be direct, be polite, keep it short. Don't give others ammunition, just stay on topic. Always assume good faith. I don't mean like we define it here, I'm talking about even when you are sure that someone is not acting in good faith but it isn't vandalism. Always, always give others plenty of opportunity to walk away and save face. Allow a bad faith editor ever chance to either give up or give in "with honor" by never questioning their faith. This makes them less defensive. Questioning their faith is seldom productive anyway. Remember, we are after the results, not the "win". Any time you can walk away from an article with your preferred version, and the other editor isn't going to labor it and he isn't mad, well, that IS a win. Focus on doing whatever is the easiest to achieve the desired result and don't worry what the other editor thinks about you personally. It is of no consequence either here or in the real world. Try to use templates less, and personal notes more. Polite notes are exceedingly effective, if for no other reason than they are seldom used here. From my experience, most users have no desire to strike out after I've left a strong but polite note, even if they disagree with my observations. Several times I have had editors say "Thank you, I've never had an admin explain that to me before" and I end up making a friend. It really happens more than you think. I have examples if you want to see them. See templates below for examples of more personal and effective notes you can cut and paste. Sometimes you lose. This is a fact of life. Sometimes you are on the other side of consensus. I tend to think outside of the box, so it happens to me a lot. I accept that others disagree, even while retaining my own views. I consider their opinions, sometimes allowing them to work their way into my perspectives, and sometimes not. But you move on and don't labor the issue. If you are the losing side of a battle, and the forehead veins are again bulging, just walk away and live to fight another day. Maybe next week or next month, they will finally come around to your way of thinking, but laboring the issue pushes them away to the point that they will oppose you, even if they start to think you are correct, out of spite. Watch DGG's talk page. Even when I disagree with him I always walk away learning something new. He is very non-confrontational and quite persuasive, even while refusing to comment more than once in most discussions. He is direct, uncompromising but always the at the peak of civility. There is good reason why he is highly respected, even by those who disagree with him. I owe much of my ability to remain calm during duress to observing his methods. Learn Interdependence. Make it a part of your every day thinking. Memorize it, understand it, maybe even improve the article to reinforce the ideas in your own mind. You and I are interdependent. Allow yourself to become interdependent on the admins and editors here. None of us can do it alone. I can not stress how important this one lesson is. If you did nothing else but incorporate this into your every day thinking, it would reduce your stress level and help you become a better editor. If I have a preferred version of the article and someone wants to revert me and add BLP or NPOV content, the goal is to get my version. If at the end of the discussion, they think I'm a fool or an idiot, it doesn't matter, as long as the preferred version is maintained. I won't spend any time trying to convince them otherwise because it serves no purpose and will instead make them combative. If you get your way, let them think whatever they want. It doesn't change anything. Always focus on the end goal, always communicate in a way that is most likely to get them to agree with you. Apologies are a wonderful thing, and they are dirt cheap. Starting a conversation with an apology breaks down barriers, even when you aren't exactly wrong. "I'm sorry you felt that way, I wasn't trying to made you mad, I was just concerned because I've been told a dozen times you can't add facts like this without citation. If you like, we can ask an outside opinion." Yes, you shift the blame, you offer to invite an outside party, and this makes it difficult for any otherwise good faith editor to get bent out of shape. In a heated dispute, be generous with the rope. Always choose your words so carefully that when an admin walks into the conversation, the incivility is so obviously one sided that he is compelled to take action. If you are snippy, you remove the ability of others to jump to your defense. Often, being calm is contagious and you can work them down to a simmer anyway. Set the example in every communication you make. Treat every discussion as if you were running for RfA next week. "May my words be tender and sweet, for tomorrow I may have to eat them". Slow down and parse your words carefully. Take the time to read twice, type in Notepad, then transfer over if it is a more complicated reply. Sometimes you can be more effective if you choose a tone that is more akin to a fellow editor, and less akin to "an authority" on a subject. Asking questions you already know the answer to can be effective in helping them understand your reasoning. Ask sincere questions. "Just curious, why do you think that section is important?" Don't qualify it, just ask them simply and politely. Then you might find their true motivations and a way to help them achieve their goals without violating the guidelines. Keep the tone low key, don't ramp up the drama. Most importantly, remember this: You are not alone. You don't need to act alone. Even when admins disagree with you, we are all on the same side. When you find yourself in the minority, always consider the possibility that you are wrong, or just viewing the point too strictly. If I disagree with you, it isn't a statement on your character, it is because I have a different perspective. Maybe I disagree with you, yet I'm wrong. Allow for differences of opinion with those who you look to for help. Sometimes, you are just not going to agree with them. Simply move on. You can't win them all, and it isn't worth getting in trouble to get POINTy about it.

Assistance

List of people that are willing to be contacted directly when there is a concern. Ask others to be put on this list so you can always find someone who is active. Listed with contribs so you can see if they are likely online.

• Dennis Brown (talk · contribs)
• Prioryman (talk · contribs)

Templates

Explanation of this section

Examples of text you can copy and paste that are like templates, but more natural speech. These can be added/deleted/edited to suit your natural language. They make your conversations more consistent, yet personal and are as quick to use as the less personal templates. Add more to them. Notice how you are removing yourself from the negative action in many of these. You are not threatening action, you are concerned that others will take action. This helps make you out to be less of the "bad guy", yet still short of being passive aggressive. You also go the extra mile when you say "I assume you didn't do it on purpose" even when you think they might have do it on purpose, which is important for your first interaction. The reasoning is simple: you give them an easy out, a face saving way to simply comply with the desired result. The goal isn't to be "right", it is to get "the right result" using the shortest, fastest and easiest method. You learn non-confrontational resolution by practicing it, and seeing how effective it can be in many circumstances. You can always be somewhat more direct on a second post if it is required. This doesn't apply to clear and obvious vandalism. Please, add and edit your own quazi-templates here, fine tune them, and use them. Except in extreme circumstances, avoid absolutes like "you will be blocked" , "this is a violation" , and of course "you are wrong".

editor talk page

I noticed you reverted me on [[article]], and I wasn't sure why based on your edit summary. Please drop by the talk page of the article and leave a note under mine, so I can better understand why. Thanks! ~~~~

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You have already reverted 3 times recently at [[article]] and are in danger of violating [[WP:3RR]]. I don't want to see you get blocked, I just want to get the discussion moving on the talk page. You really need to go there and offer some rationale for your actions, else others will only be able to conclude that you are editing warring. Likely, any admin passing by will simply block you on your next revert, so it is important that you go to the talk page now to remove any doubt that you are acting in good faith. Thanks. ~~~~

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article talk page

I reverted the article because of it may be violating the [[WP:BLP|BLP]] policy. I'm sure it wasn't intentional, but it is still something we have to be careful with. If you disagree, do me the favor of discussing it here before reverting back so there isn't a misunderstanding. If I made a mistake, I will be happy to revert it myself. Thanks in advance. ~~~~

---

I've been told we can't add material like this without a citation due to the [[WP:BLP|BLP]] policy. If someone was wanting to add it back, you would need to provide a reference or we can find an uninvolved admin to take a look at it if you think I'm mistaken. Thanks. ~~~~

edit summaries

Explanation of this section

Even if you don't cut and paste these, put the summaries you expect to use here for review. Note the use of the word "please", which tends to make people feel less defensive and more likely to engage or move on after assuming you are correct. Also note the implied agreement with their edits, which makes it clear your reversion isn't confrontational, but procedural. Keep in mind, they just met you, and you had the gall to revert them. A polite summary defuses problems before they start. Remember the best summary is one that people will read and think "Hmm, smart guy, nice enough, he is probably right" or will at least get them to the talk page. By personalizing it, you have made the average user consider your opinions "I'm worried about a policy issue" is better than "You violated WP:BLP#XYZABC and I'm reverting". Granted, some editors are not civil enough to care, but you do it anyway, as many are, and those issues are instantly averted allowing you to move on to other issues with a single edit. Most (but not all) people are not willing to be the first one to be rude. You take the extra steps because once they feel you have been rude, they think it is a free license to be rude back. Best (easiest) to never give them the chance. All of these assume run of the mill reversions or changes, not previous problems, which still have to be handled politely. When done properly, this will reduce revert backs and time.

• Reverted due to BLP concerns. Please reply to me on talk page before reverting back.
• Deleted material due to BLP concerns. Please see talk page for full rationale.
• Please do not add back without checking the talk page, I'm worried about a serious policy issue here.
• You might be right, but they won't allow that without sourcing, via BLP concerns. See talk page.
• I tend to believe you, but it has to be removed it until I can find sources. See the talk page for more info.

Words to avoid and replacements

The key is to tone it down, particular for first encounters, and the words you use can influence how "calm" you appear to be. Sometimes, these ARE the right words, but usually they are not.

• lie, falsehood

You are mistaken. You've been misled. That isn't how I interpret it. That seems misleading. That isn't how I remember it.

• block (sometimes it has to be used, other times it doesn't.)

You risk sanctions. You risk the admin taking action.

• vandalism (when it doesn't strictly apply)

Disruptive edits. Unhelpful edits. Contentious edits. Unsupported facts. Inappropriate edit.

• warring (sometimes it is needed, other times not)

Disruption. Ongoing reverts. Fighting.

• stupid, idiotic

Misinformed. Mistaken. Inappropriate. Unsupported.

• side, faction, fanboy (as in "two sides of an issue", which is divisive. Focus on unity.)

Different perspective. We have the same goal, just some different ideas. We likely agree on most things, but need to build consensus.

(add your own words that are too strong and that you feel you need to start substituting. It is more powerful when you add them, even if others add the substitutions.)

Questions by YRC

Here you list situations that you have not taken action on, for advice before you take action. You can also ask for review of your actions if you have already done so. Brief with diffs where appropriate, or just theoretical situations, this is free form. This is the most important section, as it is the self-guided part of learning and allows feedback on the issues that YOU feel you need work on, or answers to. You must be proactive here and ask questions regularly here.

Comments of observers

Here is a place for anyone to make observations about any of YRC's actions that he has not brought up himself. Civility will be strictly enforced.