Draft talk:Newland Allotments

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Request for Help with Contributions and Grammatical Errors

Hi everyone,

I'm currently working on improving the Draft:Newland Allotments page and would greatly appreciate any assistance from experienced editors. Specifically, I am seeking help with the following:

1. **Contributions**: Assistance in expanding sections, adding reliable sources, and ensuring the content is well-organized and comprehensive.

2. **Grammatical Errors**: Help with reviewing the article for any grammatical errors, typos, or awkward phrasing to ensure the content is clear and professionally written.

Any advice, edits, or contributions would be highly valued!

Thanks in advance for your support.

S6GHSAM4 (talk) 12:21, 23 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi! Just putting in my two cents here after declining your draft this morning.

You do not appear to be using a neutral point of view- I think this is now the main reason why this article is not acceptable for mainspace. The problem is that you are using several peacock terms and not sticking to facts: some examples.

a vibrant hub for vegetable gardening enthusiasts
a rich history deeply rooted in the cultural and agricultural heritage of Hull
it has evolved from a traditional allotment space into a dynamic community garden, embracing sustainable practices and providing a welcoming environment for residents from all walks of life
fostering a connection to nature.
"Let’s Talk" is a pioneering initiative

There are also more. These terms are fine in journalism or promotional writing, but on wikipedia these are all sounding fairly promotional and not neutral. I think this is a big problem. These are also unsourced- pioneering initiative? By what metric? I think that an initiative for mental health is good and all. Pioneering? Not so much- you really need to use less emotional language.

The article is, in my opinion, notable as the largest allotment site in East Yorkshire, although coverage is admittedly thin it does seem to have reliable sources. I would also say that the article needs to be shorter and more concise; do you really need to have separate sections for each project, and repeat the fact that it "provides spaces" or "improves mental health" every time? Just say the facts or do not include them if they do not have reliable sources (and Newland's own website is not a reliable source.) I actually quite like the history section, but again this could be shortened I think- do you need the different categories judged at a flower show in 1910? Not sure.

Anyway, those are my two cents. Clearly notable. Not far from being an acceptable draft submission. Really sorry for rejecting it this time. Have a great day. Spiralwidget (talk) 12:35, 26 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Spiralwidget thanks for your input it's appreciated, I'll be honest not great with tones but after reviewing your information above I think I might have solved the most part. I have tried to write in a more neutral tone. Would appreciate any further feedback on the new draft before attempting a resubmission. S6GHSAM4 (talk) 15:50, 26 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Copyright problem removed

Prior content in this draft duplicated one or more previously published sources. The material was copied from: https://nurturehull.org.uk/community-growing-projects/ braininjurygroup.co.uk/services-a-z/p-a-u-l-for-brain-recovery logonmoveon.co.uk/courses/adultcoursedetail/lets-talk-city-healthcare-partnership-65557. Copied or closely paraphrased material has been rewritten or removed and must not be restored, unless it is duly released under a compatible license. (For more information, please see "using copyrighted works from others" if you are not the copyright holder of this material, or "donating copyrighted materials" if you are.)

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