Everybody Says Don't (Desperate Housewives season five episode)
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|"Everybody Says Don't"|
|Desperate Housewives episode|
|Episode no.||Season 5|
|Directed by||Bethany Rooney|
|Written by||John Pardee and Joey Murphy|
|Original air date||May 17, 2009|
Dave begins recording a videotape explaining his reason for killing M.J. Delfino and why he wanted to make Susan suffer for killing his family, but is interrupted by M.J. ringing the doorbell to show Dave his new tackle box for the fishing trip. The detectives investigating the club fire get a break when they get a call about an abandoned car that was rented by Samuel Heller which is confirmed by the dental records of the body but his secretary informs them that she has received text messages from him after the fire. Meanwhile, Susan tells Dave she cannot go on the trip because she wants to be around in case Jackson calls. When Dave reads the message from the investigators, he begins talking to hallucinations of Dr. Heller, his ex-wife, and Edie Britt. Dr. Heller tells Dave he is going to get caught, his ex-wife tells him they should be together and shouldn't care about getting caught and Edie tells Dave to just walk over and kill M.J.. Dave walks over to Katherine's where M.J. is playing outside and just as he is about to pull out his gun to kill him, Susan walks out and tells Dave she has changed her mind about the trip. When the detectives talk to Jackson, they find out Dave was in the back storage room. Dave gives Mike his videotape claiming it's the band's performance and tells Mike not to watch it until after his honeymoon so he puts it in a desk drawer.
Preston wants to spend six months in Europe but Lynette wants him to go to college and gets Tom to take him on a tour of the campus. When they return, Preston still has not changed his mind but Tom announces his plan to go back to school to major in Chinese. The other housewives tell Lynette that she needs to be manipulative and wait for an opportunity to arise. When someone from the college administration office leaves a message informing Tom of the correct time of the entrance exam, Lynette hides it from Tom and takes him out for dinner and plays the message when Tom is drunk and has no time to study. Tom believes he has failed the exam and tells Lynette the real reason he wanted to learn Chinese (to use it for his career in marketing) leaving Lynette feeling guilty.
Gaby tells Juanita that she is wearing jewelry to their family reunion at Carlos's Aunt Connie's because it will make her feel bad about herself and sad because she cannot afford it. Gaby explains to Carlos that Connie insults her every chance she gets but at the reunion Connie is extremely friendly towards her and Gaby is not buying it. Later, Aunt Connie announces that she only has a couple months left to live and asks that someone take in her granddaughter Ana. Carlos agrees to take her in, Gaby refuses at first but eventually gives in.
Bree and Karl are at the storage unit with Orson secretly watching them. Bree is excited to get the divorce over with so she can get on with her life and get Orson out of her life. Later that night, Bree returns home to find all of her valuables back in the house and Orson confronts her on why she did it so she informs him of the divorce. Bree tells him she does not want any of it and just wants to get out of the marriage. The next day, Orson tells Bree he filed an insurance claim under both their names and threatens to send her to jail for insurance fraud. He believes they can work it out but she tells him she no longer loves him.
Jackson calls Susan to say goodbye and tells her that he believes Mike was the one who tipped off immigration. When Susan tells Katherine about Jackson blaming Mike, Katherine is forced to reveal that Mike has no idea about Susan marrying Jackson for his green card and she was the one who sent the message about getting the alimony. Katherine tells Susan that she can make Mike happy if he gets over Susan. Susan asks Mike if he loves Katherine. After hearing that he does love her, she says that's all she needed to hear. They tell Susan that they are flying to Vegas to elope so Susan tells them she and M.J. are going on a fishing trip with Dave.
Meanwhile, Dr. Heller's receptionist calls Roberta and informs her that Dr. Heller is dead so she immediately goes over to Karen's and they know that Dave was the one who killed him. Roberta wants to go to the police but Karen knows they need evidence so they decide to break into Edie's house.
- Title is taken from a song written by Stephen Sondheim for the musical Anyone Can Whistle.
- Nicollette Sheridan (Edie Britt) makes her final appearance in this episode. This marks the final time that the six prominent housewives (the protagonists, Edie, and Katherine Mayfair) appear in the same episode.
- Although credited, Shawn Pyfrom (Andrew Van de Kamp), Joshua Logan Moore (Parker Scavo), and Kendall Applegate (Penny Scavo) do not appear in this episode.
- This episode shares its title with episode 18 from season 2.
- French: Comment je me suis disputé ma vie de famille (How I argued my family life)
- German: Kein Zurück (No way back)
- Hebrew: כולם אומרים שלא כדאי (Kulam Omrim SheLo Keda'i; Everybody Says I Shouldn't)
- Hungarian: Bűnök és büntetések (Crimes and Punishments)
- Italian: Il cerchio si stringe (The circle narrows)