Con men Eddie Farrell and Lou Pesquino need cash fast and pretend to be repair men sent to fix a gas leak. The con fails, but they escape.
Eddie and Lou find an empty house that they decide to burglarize. When they learn from a message on the answering machine that the owner is out of the country and the man who was going to house-sit can't make it, they spend the night.
The next day, Eddie and Lou are on the run from thugs sent by local gangster Sal Nichols, to whom they owe money. After they find themselves separated, Eddie takes refuge in the empty house.
In the morning, Eddie walks out of the shower and meets Mona Malkin, whose son owns the house. She assumes Eddie is her son's friend Jonathan Albertson, the one supposed to house-sit. Eddie plays along, meeting Mona's businessman husband Milt, who offers him a job.
Eddie decides to run a "love con" on Milt's daughter Annie in order to gain access to Milt's money. However, Lou is captured by Nichols.
Eddie and his aunt Connie and uncle Max conspire to get Nichols off their backs for good. Along the way, Eddie falls in love with Annie.
- Dana Carvey as Eddie Farrell
- Robert Loggia as Milt Malkin
- Todd Graff as Lou Pesquino
- Julia Campbell as Dr. Annie Malkin
- Milo O'Shea as Max
- James Tolkan as Sal Nichols
- Doris Belack as Mona Malkin
- Sally Gracie as Connie
- Mike Bacarella as Pinkie
- John M. Watson, Sr. as Harold Monroe
- Beatrice Fredman as Bubbie
- Thomas McElroy as Men's Room Attendant
- Gene Honda as Japanese Businessman
- Del Close as Williamson
- Michelle Johnston as Club Singer
- Lorna Raver as Eddie's Secretary
- Judith Scott as Milt's Secretary
The film was not a success and earned $11 million against a production budget of $13 million. The film's original teaser trailer involved Carvey's Saturday Night Live character The Church Lady, though she does not appear in the film.
The song "Cruel, Crazy, Beautiful World" by Johnny Clegg is featured over the end credits.
- "'Turtles' Take: $50.9 Million in Two Weeks : Box office: The kids movie featuring the wise-cracking quartet of terrapins is close to setting a record for an independent film". Los Angeles Times. Retrieved 2012-06-05.
- "The Church Lady is only teasing you, moviegoers". Tampa Bay Times. 1990-03-11. Retrieved 2022-05-31.
- "Opportunity Knocks". Rotten Tomatoes.