Take My Life...Please!

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For The Simpsons episode, see Take My Life, Please. For the CSI episode, see Take My Life, Please!
"Take My Life...Please!"
The Twilight Zone episode
Episode no. Season 1
Episode 22a
Directed by Gus Trikonis
Written by Gordon Mitchell
Original air date March 28, 1986
Guest appearance(s)

Tim Thomerson: Billy Diamond
Ray Buktenica: Max
Xander Berkeley: Dave
Jim McKrell: Marty

Episode chronology
← Previous
"Red Snow"
Next →
"Devil's Alphabet"
List of The Twilight Zone (1985 TV series) episodes

"Take My Life...Please!" is the first segment of the twenty-second episode of the first season (1985–86) of the American television series The Twilight Zone.


Billy Diamond (Tim Thomerson), a successful stand-up comedian, steals the "Gorilla Banana" routine from Dave (Xander Berkeley), another comedian, and performs it on a TV talk show, to huge success, enhancing his own career; unfortunately, Dave believes that he can never do the Gorilla Banana routine again.

While driving away from the TV studio, Billy is ambushed by Dave, who threatens him with a pistol. Dave attempts to get money from Billy to make up for stealing his act, but Billy tries driving the car crazy to distract Dave. A fight breaks out and the car crashes.

Billy finds himself in the afterlife, which resembles the backstage area of an extremely sleazy nightclub. His new agent, Max, explains he must go audition on stage, and that his performance will determine whether he goes to heaven or hell. A stage manager pushes him out onto a stage in front of a bored-looking audience. When Billy tells conventional jokes, the audience grows hostile and they taunt him with remarks such as "tell us about how your mother died." In order to make the audience laugh, Billy must humiliate himself by recounting all the most shameful and degrading incidents of his life. This produces laughter from the audience. As he escapes the stage at the end of the set, traumatized by what he has had to reveal, he is told that his act is a massive hit...and that he must spend eternity exposing his shameful acts forever.

Closing narration[edit]

External links[edit]