Talk:1909 Giro d'Italia/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: Malleus Fatuorum (talk · contribs) 21:11, 16 April 2013 (UTC)
I'm concerned that this article may not meet GA criterion 1a. I've listed a few examples below:
Origin
" Morgagni then decided to try and hold their race ..."
"Morgagni" is singular, so "they" doesn't work.
Race overview
"The first stage of the inaugural Giro d'Italia began on 13 May 1909 at 02:53 am ...
If you're using the 24-hour clock, as you appear to be, the "am" is irrelevant.
"... the first crash occurred in the middle of the dark".
What does "in the middle of the dark" mean?
"Not even two kilometers after starting ..."
Elsewhere you've been using "km".
"The stage featured a three major climbs."
"... which led race director Armando Cougnet to neutralize the first few kilometers".
What does "neutralize" mean?
"... race direct Armando Cougnet had to use to whip to tame them.
Should that be "race director"? And why do we need to explain that he was the race director twice anyway?
"There was also rumored to be close to 50,000 spectators and a baker strike in Turin".
What's the relevance of the baker strike?
Rules and course
"The inaugural Giro was calculated with a points system."
It wasn't calculated with, but it may have used such a system.
"... with only three of the stages contained mountain passes."
Aftermath
"The starts and finishes for the race were viewed in public by large audiences."
How could they have been viewed in private?
I fixed all the issues outlined above. I did not fix the thing about the km, because you can use both kilometer and km since they stand for the same thing; I don't believe you have to use only on way of expressing kilometer. Disc Wheel (Malk + Montributions) 23:38, 16 April 2013 (UTC)
- It's a matter of consistency, which is a "good thing", but I'm not going to insist on it. Malleus Fatuorum 23:59, 16 April 2013 (UTC)
- Okay, good point. I changed them all. Disc Wheel (Malk + Montributions) 00:06, 17 April 2013 (UTC)
- We've still got that "neutralize", which I don't think can possibly be the correct word, and the relevance of the baker strike is still unexplained. Malleus Fatuorum 16:45, 17 April 2013 (UTC)
- Okay, good point. I changed them all. Disc Wheel (Malk + Montributions) 00:06, 17 April 2013 (UTC)
Race overview
"They were caught after passing by an unexpected checkpoint that the organizers had set up for the riders to pass through."
Surely they were caught after not going through the checkpoint, so they didn't "pass by" it. Might something like "They were caught after failing to pass through an unexpected checkpoint set up by the organizers" be better?
- Doneski Disc Wheel (Malk + Montributions) 01:35, 17 April 2013 (UTC)
Origin
"The idea of holding a bicycle race that navigated around Italy was first suggested when La Gazzetta dello Sport editor Tullo Morgagni sent a telegram to the paper's owner, Emilio Costamagna, and cycling editor, Armando Cougnet, stating the necessity for having an Italian tour."
In what sense was it a "necessity"?
- Fixed Disc Wheel (Malk + Montributions) 01:45, 17 April 2013 (UTC)
Rules and course
- Not part of the GA criteria of course, but is there any way to give the modern reader an idea of how much 5,235 lire in 1909 would be the equivalent of today?
Participants
"Twenty of the 166 riders that signed up were foreign: fifteen were French, two were German, one was Argentinian, one was Belgian, and was from Trieste".
Repetition of the fact that 166 riders signed up, but the numbers don't add up unless there's a missing "one" before "was from Trieste".
"Riders were allowed to ride on their own, as independents, or as a member of a team."
What's the difference between riding on their own or being an independent?
Race overview
"Of the 166 riders who had entered, 127 showed up at the starting line for the race's first stage."
Why are we repeating this? It was already covered in the preceding Participants section.
"The second stage saw the first uphill finish into Bologna".
Something wrong there, as the second stage started at Bologna, it didn't end there.
"... after seeing this the other riders attacked leaving Trousselier in the dust."
I'm a little concerned about that rather flowery and tabloidy "in the dust".
- I fixed all the errors that were just outlined. There is no way that I know of to convert the currency to present day value. Disc Wheel (Malk + Montributions) 21:04, 17 April 2013 (UTC)
"The [third] stage featured three major climbs. The fans that lined the roads during the stages were so out of control that race director Armando Cougnet had to use his whip to maintain order."
If that's a general point about all the stages, rather than specifically about the third stage, then it's very oddly placed.
- fixed. Disc Wheel (Malk + Montributions) 23:35, 17 April 2013 (UTC)
- OK, I think we're done here now, congratulations. Malleus Fatuorum 23:45, 17 April 2013 (UTC)
- fixed. Disc Wheel (Malk + Montributions) 23:35, 17 April 2013 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.