Talk:1969 Curaçao uprising/GA1

GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 14:38, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

"They took place..." mildly confusing, as it was either the uprising (sing.), the series of riots (sing.) or the riots (pl.)...

Changed to "The uprising took place..." Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

"violent and led to widespread looting and destruction of buildings and " and and and ... little too many run-ons here.

Changed to "A protest rally during the strike turned violent, leading to widespread looting..." Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

" under a 1954 Charter" shouldn't that be "the 1954 Charter" since it's a specific thing?

Wouldn't saying "the 1954 Charter" presume that readers know about this charter. Maybe "...under the 1954 Charter, which re-defined the relationship between the Netherlands and its former colonies"? Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

I think it might be okay as it stands as long as you decapitalise Charter, or else go with your reword suggestion which makes it clearer. The Rambling Man (talk) 20:40, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

"Black power sentiments " usually capitalise that P.

Changed throughout the article. Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

"A demonstration by workers and labor activists on May 31" your opening para said they mainly took place on May 30, so the timeline seems a little off here. Plus not sure why this info needs repeating in the lead?

Oops, good catch. Changed to "A demonstration by workers and labor activists on May 30 became violent, sparking the uprising". Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

"By 1969, Shell only employed around 4,000 people." just something reads a bit off here, maybe make it clear, "By 1969, the number of people employed by Shell in Curaçao had dropped to 4,000", or something?

Changed. Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

In fact, that region of the article seems to employ quite a few short sentences in a row, making for a bit of a jarring read.

I've merged several sentences. Does that make it a better read? Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Suriname is overlinked in the Background section.
As is Netherlands, Netherlands Antilles, and Kingdom of the Netherlands.

Removed links. Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

" Similarly, black power movements.." see above.
"This tranquility was ..." I don't think you said tranquility, just that it was "thought an unlikely site for political turmoil". Perhaps "The relative tranquility " or something similar?

Changed Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Is CIO the common name? (I've never heard of it). I would normally use the full title in most cases other than the extreme (e.g. NASA, UEFA).

Changed to "...the Puerto Rican section of the American labor federation Congress of Industrial Organizations (CIO) aided..." Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

" The police, with the mere sixty officers " "a" mere, rather than "the" mere.

Changed. Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

" rule[32]. " ref after punc.

Changed. Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

"September 5, 1969 elections " comma after year.

Changed Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

"first black governor of the Netherlands Antilles" our article capitalises the G in this kind of usage.

Changed Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Probably just a pref, but for page numbers, I usually just use p. and for multiples or page ranges, I use pp.

I've become accustomed to using pg., but don't really care either way, so I've changed it. Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

"117&ndash, 125." needs fixing Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Something must've changed in the cite-templates, because that used to be displayed as an en-dash. Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

" pp. 433&ndash, 477." needs fixing too.
pp. 239&ndash, 260. and pp. 117&ndash, 131. and pp. 597&ndash, 614. too.
You have "May 1969 events" as a cat, but in the lead you say "but continued until June 1, 1969" so presumably "June 1969 events" as a cat is permissible too?

That's all I have, cheers, so I'll put the article on hold. Good work. The Rambling Man (talk) 15:50, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Added Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Responded to one comment above, I'll re-read in due course and hopefully close this down! Cheers. The Rambling Man (talk) 20:40, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks a lot for your feedback, The Rambling Man. I've addressed all your points to the best of my ability. Carabinieri (talk) 17:32, 10 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

All good, passing. The Rambling Man (talk) 21:11, 13 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]