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Talk:3rd Missouri Infantry Regiment (Confederate)/GA1

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Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 00:34, 26 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]


I'll get to this shortly.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 00:34, 26 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • I didn't notice this on the first two regiments that I reviewed, but there's not a lot of context in the lede between enumerating all the battles that this one participated in. Mention why it fought those early engagements in Missouri, what was the Union doing that prompted those battles. No real detail needed, but a mention of any specific campaigns would be useful.
    • I've tried to improve this
  • There's enough meat here that I don't think that you really need to add any details on commanders being killed or about charges. I'd limit descriptions of the unit's participation to very general terms like heavily engaged, etc.
    • Done
  • Say that the regiment was transferred to MS to reinforce the defenses of Vicksburg and explain why it was transferred to Mobile.
    • Done
  • This is a big paragraph that could profitably be split when it goes to MS and when it's parolled
    • Done
  • Little's Brigade would be part of an attack Be more concise, "the brigade attacked Union troops arrayed..." or somesuch
Done
  • Colonel Rives moved to the front of the 3rd Missouri Infantry, leading a successful charge Ranks on first mention only "Rives led a successful charge from the front, which eventually bogged down as the attacking units became disorganized" or something similar
Rephrased
  • A Union counterattack then drove in the right flank of Little's Brigade. The brigade, including the 3rd Missouri Infantry, then retreated from the field. Awkward. Proximity alert for "then"; combine these two sentences since we already know that the regiment was in Little's Brigade
Done
  • Watch out for the missing geographic trailing commas: I see one for Pea Ridge, Arkansas
Done
  • Add more context for the battles after Pea Ridge
    • Done
  • experienced artillery fire, but did not enter the main action awkward
Rephrased
  • heavy action -> heavily engaged
    • Fixed
  • Transition/context needed between Grand Gulf, Port Gibson and Champion Hill
    • Done
  • The Union line was also accompanied by five artillery batteries merge with previous sentence and rephrase along the lines of ", reinforced by five artillery batteries"
Done
  • What happened to Gause before Champion Hill? Don't save that for the Commanders section. And Hubble after the consolidation?
    • Nothing happened to Gause, he was still in charge. Hubbell was actually in charge of the skirmisher detachment, I've made that clearer. Hubbell was mortally wounded at Champion Hill, which is mentioned in the article.
  • "made X" is passive voice. A simple "charged" or "counterattacked" is much more readable
    • Fixed all three instances I found
  • fell back from the ground they had taken "were forced to retreat"
Done
  • put under siege besieged
Done

@Sturmvogel 66: - My computer's having issues, so it'll probably be awhile before I can make any edits besides small prose adjustments on this. Hog Farm (talk) 19:48, 28 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

No rush. Let me know whenever you've had a chance to respond. I only gave a quick skim to the 11th Missouri article, but it looks like it has some of the same sorts of problems. Ping me whenever you ready for me to take a more thorough look at that one as well.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 22:19, 28 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Sturmvogel 66: - I've responded to everything so far on this one. I've also added three maps to help with the context, I image trying to keep track of the geography would be bewildering for a reader to familiar with the American South otherwise. Is the added context satisfactory? Hog Farm Bacon 05:03, 11 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • The lede reads better, although don't use engage in close proximity. I'm fond of "played a minor role in" which might work for Farmingto; your call.
    • I fixed the close proximity of engage that I found (Iuka/Corinth)
  • attempt against the Confederate works replace with "attack" or similar
    • Done
  • another Confederate attempt to stop Major General Ulysses S. Grant's advance against Vicksburg, Mississippi on May 16. Champion Hill was another Confederate defeat, Suggestion only: you could combine these by adding "unsuccessful" to the first sentence and then start the next one with the regiment being routed.
    • Done. I think it reads better that way
  • "the" Confederate rear guard
    • Done
  • fortifications
    • Oops. Fixed
  • Don't think that we need to enumerate the senior officers in the lede.
    • Removed
  • During the fighting, the 3rd Missouri Infantry charged successfully, led from the front by Rives.[5] However, the attacking lines became disorganized, and the forward movement of the charge was eventually stopped. Combine these two sentences
    • Done
  • link cannonade or bombardment
    • Piped link bombardment where cannonade is used, as Cannonade is an article about a horse.
  • Lots of duplicate links, especially in the lede. There's a script at User:Evad37/duplinks-alt that you can install to check for that if you don't already have it.
    • Fixed the ones the tool caught. Apparently I'd linked Vicksburg four times
  • homemade hand grenades; howzabout "impromptu" instead of homemade
    • Done
  • Otherwise looking pretty good; the maps help a lot. Let me know when you're done upgrading the 11th Missouri article.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 15:18, 11 July 2020 (UTC)[reply]
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