Talk:Baalshillem II/GA1

GA Review

Passed. Amitchell125 (talk) 06:48, 13 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 13:48, 20 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Happy to review the article. AM

Review comments

Lead section / infobox

The lead section is too short, as for instance nothing is mentioned about coinage, the name known from the statue, or the Battle of Cnidus.
Link vassal; Greek (Greek language); Phoenician (Phoenician language, in the caption and in the text of the article).
King Baalshillem I - King is redundant here.
Baana is not spelt or linked consistently.
The image of the boy needs to be located where it the sculpture is discussed.

1 Etymology

Link Greek inscriptions.
Baalshillem needs to be in italics, as it is an introduced term.
There is a clarification tag that has not been addressed,

Explained in the epigraphic and numismatic section. Removed redundant. el.ziade (talkallam) 08:26, 8 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Unlink shipowner (it is a commonly understood term).
Delete Alternative spellings of the king's name include Baalchillem (duplicated information).

2 Chronology

Link Phoenician inscriptions (Canaanite and Aramaic inscriptions); Eshmunazar I; archaeological; Tyre.
Add a comma after Josette Elayi (minor point).
The first paragraph’s last sentence is overly long, and needs to be split into two or more smaller ones.
The first sentence of the second paragraph needs to be copy edited to improve the prose.

3 Historical context

Link galley; obverse (Obverse and reverse); Achaemenid rule (Achaemenid Empire).
The caption shouldn’t have a full stop.
Introduce and link Astarte.
Phoenicia fell under the Achaemenid rule needs to amended to improve the prose.
Avoid turnover (MOS:IDIOM).
coincides – ‘coincided’.

4 Epigraphic and numismatic sources

Main article: Baalshillem Temple Boy – needs to be deleted, as the section is about many other things.
Link Baalshillem temple boy in the text.
Why is "temple boy" within quotation marks?
Link Eshmun; iconography; trireme; papyrus.
("ʿ" for his son Abdashtart) – appears to need amending.

No that's it. It's a 'ayin. el.ziade (talkallam) 08:26, 8 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

battle – ‘Battle’.
the papyrus Sakton - ‘the papyrus as Sakton’.

8 Notes

This is an empty section and so should be removed.

10 Bibliography

The page in Boardman cannot be accessed using the url given - this is available instead.
The url for Bonnet is a commercial website, and so should be removed.
Add ‘in French’ to Bonnet, to be consistent.
Consider unlinking Lockwood Press (imo there’s no need for it to be red-linked).
Vanel should have a full citation.
The link to Zamora doesn’t allow the text to be verified, and so should be removed.

Link removed but the article supports the passages "Le fondateur de la dynastie, le premier Eshmounazor, aurait même pucommencer son règne, ou être confirmésur le trône, immédiatement après laconquête perse du Levant, après avoirobtenu la confiance du Grand Roi. Cela pourrait expliquer le rôle actif et la..."

On hold

I'm putting the article on hold for a week until 8 September to allow time for the issues raised to be addressed. Regards, Amitchell125 (talk) 07:05, 26 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Amitchell125 I am back from a break please keep it on hold. el.ziade (talkallam) 09:08, 7 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@el.ziade - What date would you like me to set for you? Best wishes (and congratulations!) Amitchell125 (talk) 10:19, 7 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Amitchell125 I am back to editing and will address your comments shortly. Thank you for understanding. el.ziade (talkallam) 13:46, 7 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Amitchell125 Very helpful, thank you so much. el.ziade (talkallam) 08:26, 8 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

It looks sorted now, apart from the lead, which is still too short. Amitchell125 (talk) 11:56, 8 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@el.ziade Can we complete the review please? The lead needs to be sorted by 13 September or the article will not be passed. Amitchell125 (talk) 13:07, 11 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Amitchell125 the lead is ready. el.ziade (talkallam) 19:21, 12 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Passing

Passing now, many thanks for your work. Amitchell125 (talk) 06:47, 13 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.