Talk:Bill Simmons/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 17:18, 15 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this in the next few days, once the one I'm currently reviewing is wrapped up. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 17:18, 15 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The first thing I noticed is that I think the article's overreferenced. I'm usually pretty stringent on refs, but this is overkill. For example, "William J. Simmons III[2] was born on September 25,[3] 1969,[4] to William Simmons[5][6] and Jan Corbo.[7]" That should need one reference at most, let alone six. Could I get a rationale for the immense referencing? If it's not that good I can do some trimming, though I'd prefer you do it. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 03:05, 19 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Aside from the above, here are the prose issues I found:

"Simmons was an only child[7] and grew up in Marlboro and Brookline, Massachusetts[2] before moving to Stamford, Connecticut[7] to live with his mother after his parents divorced at the age of 13.[2] His father, William Simmons, was a school administrator,[5][6] and his stepmother,[8] Molly Clark, is a doctor.[6]" I would swap these sentences around; flows better that way.
"He began getting email from people asking if he could put them on his mailing list." first, e-mails. second, confusing; do you mean others wanted Simmons on their mailing lists?
"The website quickly built up a national following since so many friends from high school and college all e-mailed it to each other.[7] In the winter of 2000, Simmons thought about quitting and going into real estate since there was little money in sportswriting but didn't." this could probably be written more encyclopedically.
There are some bits and pieces of making his bio sound slightly POV. For example, "In 2007, Simmons conceived the idea for the critically praised[26] 30 for 30," the critically praised part really isn't needed, since that's tangential to Simmons.
"His current contract with ESPN, which he signed in 2007, expires in 2010.[24] In May 2010, it was reported that Simmons and ESPN came to an agreement on a new contract, although no official announcement has been made on the terms.[37]" This can be modified; obviously, the 2007 contract part can be taken out.
There are some cite needed tags in the rooting interests section, which I'm not sure if that's even needed.
Going off on the referencing above, there are many sentences with 3-4 refs that only need one.

Due to the various concerns, as well as the article nominator having now edited in a couple months, I'm going to fail this as a GAN. It can be re-nommed when the issues are fixed. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 04:12, 20 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]