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Talk:Call the Police (G Girls song)/GA2

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 15:48, 28 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Lead and infobox

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  • The first sentence reads extremely awkwardly. You only need to mention that the song was recorded by G Girls and then introduce the band through a short descriptive phrase (look at articles of songs by the Spike Girls or other girl groups as an example). You should mention the background of the group in the actual article itself.
 Done
  • You only have two reviews so I would stay away from making a consensus or summary of the song's reception as you did in the lead. There is not enough reviews to make a large claim that it was positively received.
 Not done Added another positive review
Good job with this! Aoba47 (talk) 15:44, 29 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • You should mention somewhere in the lead that the song's genre is Eurodance if it is true and sourced in the body of the article. The quote "Romanian music dance vibe" does not equal Eurodance.
 Done
  • If you are going to put a quote in the lead, you will still need to put the proper reference there as well.
 Done
  • The sentence about the music video is very awkward and needs major revisions. The following phrase ("being involved in different things while being in the building, and eventually leaving it together") is so vague that it could be attributed to almost any music video.
 Done
  • Instead of saying ("experienced success in Poland"), say that it charted and listed the charts. Saying it is a "success" is too subjective.
 Done

Reception and composition

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  • This is an extremely odd way of structuring the article and I would strong discourage you from placing a "Reception" section before a "Background" or "Composition" section as it does not make much sense to tell a reader how a song was received before reading about the actual song itself.
 Done
  • Do you have any information about the formation or background of G Girls? Since the band does not have its own page and this appears to be their only song, it would be extremely helpful to turns this section into a "Background and composition" section with that in mind, and make the "Reception" section into its own thing after this. As someone completely unfamiliar with any of these artists and this group, a background would be very helpful.
 Done I still combined composition and reception, is that okay?
  • You use a lot of quotes when discussing the reviews. It is made more obvious due to the fact that it is a short section, and a majority of the sentences are made of quotes. Please use your own words, and only use quotes when the wording is absolutely necessary.
 Done Amended
  • Could you add more information about the composition of the song. As it currently stands, you only have two critics describing the song, and the writing/production credits. I believe you would need more information here to make this into a GA. You do not have anything about the lyrics and their meaning for instance.
 Not done I've only found one more review by a Japanese website, but adding more is impossible here.
Makes sense; just wanted to draw your attention to this. Aoba47 (talk) 15:44, 29 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • The following phrase needs to be revised ("eventually claiming the position the next edition before exciting the chart") as the wording is very awkward and borders on advertisement, specifically "exciting the chart".
 Done

Music video

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  • I would discourage you from using non-free media images (a music video screenshot) unless a specific aspect of the music video was discussed by critics/third-party sources. The scene from the screenshot did not seem to have this so I would recommend removing it.
 Done Removed
  • Say "The video" at the beginning of the second paragraph.
 Done
  • What are "head signs"? I have never heard of this before.
It's like nodding to each other
Then, just say that they nod to each other then. I do not think "head signs" is a real phrase, at least I never ran across it before. Aoba47 (talk) 15:44, 29 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Avoid vague transitions like "Following this,". Please revise this to make it clearer and more polished.
 Done
  • For the phrase ("portrayed walking to a hall full of partying people"), why not just saying "walks into a party" or something long those lines. Your phrase seems a little bit too unnecessarily long.
 Done
  • The sentence with the above phrase should be separated into two, and revised as it reads awkwardly and is too long.
 Done
  • Remove subsequently
 Done
  • I am confused by the "presented with a man". Who is giving her the man? When did this happen? It seems to come out of the blue and it could use some clarification.
 Done It is clearer now?
Yes, thank you. Aoba47 (talk) 15:44, 29 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • The phrase "the others further perform to the song" seems odd to me. It is a music video so they are always performing to the song so I am not sure what you mean by this.
 Done Removed

References

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  • iTunes should not italicized, same goes for YouTube.
 Done
  • All the references check out, but I would recommend archiving them in the future (not required for this).
I have no time to archive them now, but will definitely do in the future.
No worries; I just want to make sure that you keep all of your hard work saved for the future. Aoba47 (talk) 15:45, 29 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Final comments

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@Cartoon network freak: Good work with the article so far, but it still requires significant improvement. Rather than quick-failing it, I want to use this as an opportunity for us to work together to improve. As already stated in above comments, the composition" area needs expansion and improvement, background about the group G Girls should be added, and there are a lot of areas that are awkwardly worded and need revisions. These are the things that I noticed for my first review, and I will provide more comments once my original review is completely addressed. Let me know if you have any questions. If you would prefer for me to quick-fail this so you can have the chance to work on this during your own time and at your own pace, then please let me know. I have placed this on hold. Aoba47 (talk) 16:22, 28 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Aoba47: All  Done Cartoon network freak (talk) 01:19, 29 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
@Cartoon network freak: Great work with this article! Once my comment about the "head signs" (which I really believe should be replaced with something else) is addressed, then I will pass this. Aoba47 (talk) 15:44, 29 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
@Aoba47: Done this aswell. THX, Cartoon network freak (talk) 15:58, 29 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
@Cartoon network freak: Great work on this! ✓ Pass Aoba47 (talk) 16:04, 29 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]
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