Talk:Claiborne Avenue and the construction of Interstate 10
cac1012 • The first thing I noticed was that the citations weren’t included inside the paragraph. Wiki likes the citations to be placed after the sentence itself that you cited. It’s hard to edit when I’m not completely sure where the information is coming from. • I would use both internal and external links throughout your work. Linking words like “Tremé” to other wiki pages would help other people become more familiar with the term. • Check grammar. I found a few comma misplacements. • The word “once” was used a bit often, maybe reconsider wording. • “The most notable memory of this historic strip was the plethora of booming, African American-owned businesses such as theaters, drug stores, insurance companies, restaurants, and toy stores that occupied the space.” o ‘Most notable’→ is that your opinion or someone else’s? o Change the comma after booming to a colon o Add on more to this sentence. Be more specific to how these places convey your overall topic • “African-Americans formed this business district off the strength of not being permitted to shop at white owned stores.” o I would reword this sentence. I think ‘off of the strength of not being permitted’ doesn’t work well here. Maybe be more specific or get an exact quote from an outside source • “Not only did it provide groceries, but it provided services such as a pharmacy, a doctor, a dentist, a chiropractor, check cashing and banking, and a place to buy school uniforms.” o I would condense this sentence stating only the services the store offers rather than using the introductory phrase • I really like the topic, and I think you have some good specifics incorporated like dates and timeline. Saschebrock (talk) 14:45, 27 October 2015 (UTC)
Try getting the dates for some of the events that you mentioned so that way the reader knows what time frame this is happening, such as dates for when Claiborne Ave served as the main street for Tremé.
Tag your sources behind the sentence that incorporates with that source instead of tagging them all the way at the end. For example: The most notable memory of this historic strip was the plethora of booming, African American-owned businesses such as theaters, drug stores, insurance companies, restaurants, and toy stores that occupied the space. [1]
“Families would camp out on the neutral ground, barbeque, and wait for the Mardi Gras parade to pass by.” Is that only what was done for Mardi Gras? If not, maybe incorporate the things families did for Mardi Gras and the things that were done daily or regularly.
“It bustled with activity around the famous Circle Food Store in New Orleans’ historic seventh ward.” Instead of saying it, let the reader know what you’re talking about.
“Not only did it provide groceries, but it provided services such as a pharmacy, a doctor, a dentist, a chiropractor, check cashing and banking, and a place to buy school uniforms.” Once again, what provided all these services, was it the St. Bernard Circle or was it the Circle Food Store? Let the reader know exactly what you’re talking about.
Let the reader know what year the construction of Interstate-10 came about so that way they know exactly when this is happening.
“The Claiborne Expressway is generally acknowledged as the city's most hated piece of infrastructure and is considered the primary cause of the decline of the once thriving, African-American business district.” Very agrumentive. Let the reader know why it is the most hated piece of infrastructure. You did a great job at letting us know why it was the primary cause of decline in the African American business district in your following sentence.
Overall you did a great job. Just add sources after each sentence you may have gotten from that source. Also let the reader know exactly what you’re talking about instead of saying “it”. So that way we can refer to what you’re mentioning.