Jump to content

Talk:Diorama (Silverchair album)/Archive 1

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Archive 1Archive 2

http://mixonline.com/recording/interviews/audio_silverchair/

http://www.abc.net.au/rollercoaster/therap/reviews/s540962.htm

http://www.silverchair.nu/sc_nu/interviews/showinterviews.php?id=2

http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/story/0,26278,23100563-5013892,00.html

http://www.abc.net.au/triplej/2004/best_albums/2002.htm

dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 10:00, 21 March 2008 (UTC)

GA nom on hold

Gimmee a note on my talk page when you are done. Is this going to FAC eventually? Burningclean [speak] 19:31, 6 April 2008 (UTC)

FAC: I sure hope so! dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 08:19, 7 April 2008 (UTC)
Shibby! Burningclean [speak] 03:39, 8 April 2008 (UTC)

Self-review

  • "co-produce for the first time, alongside David Bottrill." - "producer David Bottrill"
  • "The album was written primarily by Johns, on piano, after the band took a 12-month-break." - make note of Neon Ballroom here...
  • "music typical of the band's earlier work." - the band's --> their
  • "charted on the ARIA Singles Chart" - charted --> appeared
  • "Diorama was successful and moderately well received." - successful in terms of $/sales
  • "It would go on to be certified triple-platinum by ARIA." - use full name
  • "Diorama won ARIA Awards in 2002," - how many (same for 2003)
  • Check naming on refs 13/16
  • Try and find something other than the RollerCoaster review
  • Ref 19; try and find anything else - found the original
  • Check all non-URL refs to see if there's any more info (publisher/author/date) available
  • "that he intended for Diorama to be" - didn't intend so much as thought it would be...
  • "and taking the role of co-producer" - kinda sounds like Bottrill took this roll; clarify
  • "too similar to Neon Ballroom." - mention what NB was
  • "so as to regain his passion in music" --> "so as to regain his passion in music, which had diminished leading up to the band's post-Neon Ballroom break"
  • "Much of the album was written by Johns on piano, a technique he developed while the band was on break after Neon Ballroom. He taught himself how to play the piano for the purpose of songwriting, most of which was done on his baby grand piano." - very very choppy
  • "This had a noted effect on the sound of the album; Johns noticed" - noted/noticed...
  • Add audio - The heavy guitar effects in "The Greatest View" were produced by Johns using a "70s Rickenbaker 12-string through a 100 watt Soldano 2x12 combo" ((Get wlinks)), and the song responded to the media "watching over" Johns.[1]
  • "made Johns consider the collaborative experience "mind-blowing"." - check on overuse of "Johns"...
  • "Johns' condition resulted" --> "However, his condition resulted in"
  • "The song was first written in 2000, and announced by Chris Joannou in February 2000" --> "the song was first announced by Chris Joannou in February 2000, shortly after being written."
  • "The song reached #24 on its" - on --> during (or similar) (nah...)
  • "which took Johns nine hours to write on a sleepless night." - ref
  • "by Van Dyke Parks (Beach Boys, U2)" - rmv brackets; do those at first mention
  • "Website readers gave the album an average of 89%" --> "47 website users rated the album 8.9 out of 10." (removed per below)
  • May wish to quote some other reviewers via Metacritic
  • "Rosie Beaton placed it third, and Gaby Brown placed it fifth" - say who these guys are (eg. while radio station stuff Rosie...)
  • Add Bottrill to personnel per Young Modern (producers)
  • Clean up track listing. Times from my version;
    • One Way Mule; 4:15
    • Too Much of Not Enough; 4:45
    • After All These Years; 5:01
    • Total; 52:24 - using auscharts values
  • Add Charts & See also sections per Young Modern

Will strike as I get through them. dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 08:48, 8 April 2008 (UTC)

A few thoughts...

As requested, here are a few thoughts on this article:

  • The "Response" section concentrates on positive reviews of the album. While in general it seems obvious that the album was well received, was there any negative criticism of the album from any sources? I find it hard to believe that it found universal acclaim.
  • The rating that a handful of people gave the album on some website (Metacritic) is not really all that important or relevant, I feel.
  • "Album and Single Releases" section appears to concentrate on sales and the like in Australia. How was the album and its singles received internationally, especially given Silverchair's big success in the USA with earlier albums.

Overall, I feel that it's a pretty well written articles, with no major problems that I can see. Lankiveil (speak to me) 10:26, 8 April 2008 (UTC).

Thanks! dihydrogen monoxide (H2O) 07:56, 9 April 2008 (UTC)

Some suggestions

Giggy asked me over IRC to give this a review, here are some thoughts:

  • Careful with vague use of 'this', as with '...needed a producer who would understand this.' Even 'this fact' or 'this situation' or whatnot would be better.
  • I don't know if the quote "who understood where he wanted to go" really adds anything. It's too vague to really mean anything. Also, wouldn't it be "who understood where [he] wanted to go," assuming we're quoting the guy talking about himself?
  • "Johns initially wrote eight songs, only to delete them all later..." Is that something people say? To delete a song? Never heard that before.
  • "The album's title referred to 'a world within a world'" — This is kind of a non-sequitur, it feels kind of stuck in here. The rest of the paragraph is about the instruments and musical style.
  • In the next paragraph, half of it is about the perceived inspiration for the songs, half is about who he worked with. Maybe the second half of the paragraph should go first. For example, you could use the second-to-last sentence, which is about the musical style, as a transition from the last paragraph. The then-girlfriend part should probably be a separate paragraph (though you hate to have short paragraphs).

Hitting save now, more to follow. delldot on a public computer talk 06:54, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

More:

More in a bit. delldot on a public computer talk 07:36, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

More:

  • This sentence needs fixing: "Torreano's criticism was reserved for some songs on the album; "Without You"'s apparent Goo-Goo Dolls influences were described as "an unwelcome twist", while "One Way Mule" saw the band 'reverting back to their grunge sound'."—passive voice, "some songs" (vague, uninformative), the awkward "Without You"'s (surely the quotes should go around the whole word?)
  • "However, due to Johns suffering from reactive arthritis..." this whole sentence sounds awkward to me.
  • So and so "commented on Silverchair's new maturity on the album" sounds like the article is calling it fact that the album is mature. You'd have to say something like "called the album mature" or something.
  • The "Charts and certifications" section and subsequent sections with just tables come on kind of abruptly. How about a sentence or two at the beginning of the "Charts and certifications" section to introduce it and prepare the reader for the tables? Kind of explain what they're about to see. Similarly, I don't really like the Personnel section that's just a bulleted list.
  • Seems like you could work both see also links into the text and do away with the pesky see also section.
  • There are only a few, large sections. Maybe it could stand to be divided into subsections.

That's all the nitpicking I have for you tonight! delldot on a public computer talk 08:34, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

  1. ^ Cite error: The named reference SLLAL was invoked but never defined (see the help page).
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Diorama_(Silverchair_album)/Archive_1&oldid=1214756690"