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Review Comment
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1. Well-written:
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1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.
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Should it be "The Djibouti National Olympic Committee"? Y
Djibouti failed to register any athletes at the 2004 Summer Olympics in Athens. - Fail is a bit of a strong word. How does "did not" feel there? Y
Djibouti National Olympic Committee (French: Comité National Olympique Djiboutien) sent its second largest delegation to the Games, falling one athlete short of the record set in Barcelona 1992. - How many did they send in Barcelona? Also clarify that it was a Summer Olympic game. Y
Djibouti, however, failed to collect its first Olympic medal in Rio de Janeiro, since the 1988 Summer Olympics in Seoul, where Hussein Ahmed Salah won the bronze in the men's marathon. Rewrite that sentence. Y
Ayanleh Souleiman almost ended the nation's 28-year drought on the podium, as he slipped out of medals to fourth in the men's 1500 metres. Rewrite or use a word other than "as." Y
Only one Djiboutian athlete has ever won a medal at the Olympics, marathon runner Hussein Ahmed Salah, who won a bronze medal in the 1988 marathon. Move around the punctuation or rewrite to: Marathon runner Hussein Ahmed Salah is the single Djiboutian athlete to win a medal, which he did in the 1988 marathon. As said below, choose between the date or date + "Summer Olympics".
- Is this the comment you called dumb and therefore I shouldn't do this anymore? Kees08 (talk) 06:15, 16 February 2017 (UTC)
Y[reply]
Ayanleh Souleiman qualified for the 800 m race, by having a qualifying time better than 1:46.00 Unnecessary comma Y
Try and add time (seconds, hours, minutes, etc.) to each time. See your comment "55 what? - ...being 55 shy of qualification with a time of 26.72 seconds." on the Talk:Maldives at the 2016 Summer Olympics/GA1.
- Ah, yes. So my comment on that review was in reference to the lack of a qualifier for 55, which was places. Otherwise it could be 55 seconds, 55 tomatos, etc. The reason I do not think it applies in this case is because there is a common format for times, being HH:MM.SS. It can get expanded to the left for longer duration events that involve days. Therefore when you see 1.23, that is one minute and 23 seconds, when you see 1:1.23, it is one hour, one minute and 23 seconds. It is shorthand and I highly prefer it, I believe it gets really verbose otherwise. What are your thoughts? Kees08 (talk) 19:45, 18 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
- After further thinking, I agree. It would be repetitive. Dat GuyTalkContribs 22:37, 18 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Djiboutan or Djiboutian? Y
Gala set his personal record at Rio with a time of 2:13:04, and finished in 12th place out of 155 participants Not sure if it is writing style, but is the comma necessary? Y
- Round 2 of my checks, out of order
Djibouti had two athletes qualify for the 1500 m run with a qualification time better than 3:36.20. The first, Souleiman ran in the 1500 m. WTF!? First is definitely not the correct use there. Not sure what would be. Y
In the first heat he finished with a time 3:39.25 and achieved third place, which qualified him for the semifinals. He finished in 2nd place in that heat with a time of 3:39.46, which qualified him for the finals. In the finals, he finished in fourth place with a time of 3:50.29. He was 0.05 seconds away from the bronze medal, and 0.29 seconds away from the gold. Could you replace some of the pronouns with his name? Seems a bit repetitive. Y
Gala set his personal record at Rio with a time of 2:13:04, and finished in 12th place out of 155 participants. In is futile.
- Do you mean to remove the word in? A cursory google search shows that the word in is common for saying things like 'finished in third place.' Do you have anything that says I am wrong? Kees08 (talk) 19:45, 18 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
- I don't really know what this comment was for. Perhaps a different sentence that I miscopy-pasted? Dat GuyTalkContribs 22:37, 18 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Ayanleh Souleiman finished in third place in the first heat with a time 3:39.25 Rewrite to Ayanleh Souleiman finished third in the first heat with a time 3:39.25 - Using 'in' twice is confusing. Y
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1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.
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There are some mdy refs, and some dmy ones. Y
highest number of Djiboutian athletes participating in a summer Games is eight[1] in the 1992 games in Barcelona, Spain.[3] No need for the 8 (ref 1) to be in the middle of the sentence. Move it to the end Y
Choose between using xyzg Summer Olympics or xyzg games. It does not have to be exactly the same, but try Summer Olympics or Olympics. Dumb comment.
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2. Verifiable with no original research:
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2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
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2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
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2c. it contains no original research.
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Cite individual times in tables. Another dumb comment.
Mohamed Ismail Ibrahim qualified for the 3000 m steeplechase by performing better than the qualification time of 8:30.00 should be sourced. Y
Same with above for other qualification times, unless I cannot see something obvious. Y
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2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism.
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3. Broad in its coverage:
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3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.
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3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).
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Expand Judo and Swimming.
- I am struggling to find any more info. Is it fine now? Kees08 (talk) 06:33, 20 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Background section could also be expanded
- Do you still think this needs expanding? Kees08 (talk) 06:33, 20 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
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4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
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5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
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6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
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6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.
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6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.
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Any images of other athletes?
- I have looked pretty hard for images and have not come across any. I did add in a photo of Souleiman. Kees08 (talk) 06:14, 20 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
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7. Overall assessment.
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Judo could probably be expanded a bit more (add the score, how the opponent did, etc.) but it looks good! Dat GuyTalkContribs 21:40, 21 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
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