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Talk:Donut Run/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Bilorv (talk · contribs) 17:57, 4 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Infobox

[edit]
  • What's the episode's running time?

Synopsis

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  • "They banter" – Too informal, and makes the start too verbose. Perhaps change "Veronica gets into an elevator with Logan. They banter before Logan and Veronica walk into the apartment and find Kendall" to "Veronica and Logan ride the elevator and reach the apartment to find Kendall".
  • done
  • "Veronica slips into a depression before Keith (Enrico Colantoni) attempts to console her" – The "before" kind of implies to me that Keith's consolation marked the end of the depression, which "to no avail" shows is not the case. Perhaps replace with a semi-colon (e.g. "Veronica slips into a depression; Keith (Enrico Colantoni) ...").
  • done
  • "partial unknowing involvement" – This is a bit clunky. Would "unknowing involvement" suffice?
  • Yep. done
  • "for the PCHers" – what? Can we have some context for readers unfamiliar with the series? I understand there's got to be a compromise between conciseness and context, but "PCHers" sounds like an acronym/contraction used informally by fans.
  • "Logan learns that Hector is now the prime suspect" – Prime suspect for what? The kidnapping? Felix's death? Something to do with the drugs? I assume it's the kidnapping, but it would help if this was explicitly said.
  • Felix's death, actually. done
  • "However, the boat is searched, but they find no people" – Please change this to "However, when the boat is searched they do not find anyone" or something similar.
  • done
  • "but he wasn’t working for the Fitzpatricks" – Add a phrase that shows this is from Weevil's perspective e.g. "but learns that he wasn't working for the Fitzpatricks"
  • done
  • "a teammate got in a car crash while he was in the car" – I think "a teammate crashed the car while he was in it" works better.
  • done
  • "the set of events ... was a scam" – "was" should be "were".
  • done
  • "accomplish an unknown other purpose" – This is too vague. I haven't seen the episode, so I don't know what happened, but surely there's a more eloquent way of phrasing this bit.
  • "Sheriff Lamb learns this fact, just as Keith finds diapers in the apartment." – I don't think the comma is necessary.
  • done

I should really copyedit the plot summaries of at least my GAN articles before they get picked up. If you happen to review any of my other nominations, you can just tell me to copyedit the plot section if it looks like it hasn't been done. BenLinus1214talk 02:41, 5 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I'll try to continue this review as soon as I can. — Bilorv(talk)(c)(e) 17:57, 4 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Music

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  • "Vulture ranked the episode's use of "How Can You Mend a Broken Heart" by Al Green and "Adelaide" by The Old 97's on its list of "16 Perfect Musical Moments from Veronica Mars"." appears in the Reception section. I think there are two options here: (1) move this to the Music section (it's better than just listing the songs with no explanation) or (2) remove the music section and add a small note about "The Air That I Breathe" in the reception section. But currently, the above sentence appears to be overlapping with the purpose of the Music section. And if this wasn't a GA review, and I had just stumbled across the Music section, I'd probably add a {{by whom}} tag to "The following songs were singled out for praise".
  • "Vulture ranked the episode's use" – I think "listed" makes more sense than "ranked"
  • done
  • Could we have some explanation about who praised "The Air That I Breathe" [EW] and why?
  • done

Production

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  • "[I]t" – Wikipedia:Manual of Style#Typographic conformity says "Formatting and other purely typographical elements of quoted text should be adapted to English Wikipedia's conventions without comment provided that doing so will not change or obscure the meaning of the text" and explicitly mentions capitalization; "It" without any type of brackets is fine.
  • done
  • "The episode features a special guest-starring appearance by actress Lucy Lawless as an FBI agent." – This should be at the start of a new paragraph, to show that it's not about Duncan's character any more.
  • done

Ratings

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  • Can you find any rating figures for broadcast in other countries (e.g. UK)?

Reception

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  • " 'Donut Run' actually does this well..." – Does there need to be a space here? It's kind of awkward to have two sets of quote marks next to each other (and even worse to try and quote the passage here), but I still think it would work better without the space.
  • done
  • "He elaborated that "As much..." – As with before, just change the capitalization without comment (i.e. "He elaborated that "as much...").
  • done
  • "IGN called" – Mention the name of the writer ("Amy Ratcliffe of IGN called")
  • done
  • "2nd best" – Change to "second best", matching the use of "third best" above and following WP:NUMERAL's rule that "Integers from zero to nine are spelled out in words".
  • done
  • "grading it a "B-"." – I don't think the quotes are needed here.
  • done
  • Could we have some examples of problems noted in TWoP?
  • "ranked the episode the 40th best episode" – We really need to put how many episodes of Veronica Mars there were: e.g. "TVLine ranked the episode 40th out of 64 on its list of Veronica Mars episodes."
  • done

I should be able to review the lead and do some more thorough inspection of the references later today. — Bilorv(talk)(c)(e) 10:23, 5 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

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  • done
  • ""Donut Run" marked Rob Thomas's first directing credit for the show and first professional directing job." – This repeats information from the first paragraph and seems to be a bit too detailed (just ""Donut Run" was the first episode directed by Rob Thomas" works, and is much shorter).
  • done
  • "Upon airing, "Donut Run" received poor ratings, becoming the lowest-rated episode of the series." – "Upon airing" is just stating the obvious (you can't receive ratings before airing) and "poor ratings" is both subjective and explained better in the next clause. It would be better to just say: ""Donut Run" was the lowest-rated episode of the series".
  • done

The references are all fine.

If you're still having problems with TWoP (it's working for me), does a Wayback Machine archive help? — Bilorv(talk)(c)(e) 21:45, 5 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

  • It's working for me now, but the Wayback Machine helped me access the problems the reviewer felt that the episode included, as I was never able to get past page 1 of any of the reviews. Let me know how it looks now and if you have any more comments! BenLinus1214talk 23:37, 5 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
The article looks great; thanks for the speedy responses. I've made one small edit. Pass for GA. — Bilorv(talk)(c)(e) 00:20, 6 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
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