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Talk:Drive Slow/GA1

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GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Zmbro (talk · contribs) 23:19, 5 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]


I'd be more than happy to review :-) – zmbro (talk) 23:19, 5 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead[edit]

  • I'm a little confused about the single. On the album page, it lists this song but here it says the A-side was "We Major". Which one was it?
  • Is jazz not notable enough to be in the infobox?
  • So it failed to chart at all? If so, I'd change "Though the song received acclaim, it garnered a lack of airplay." to "However, it garnered a lack of airplay and thus failed to chart."
  • "which includes a feature from T.I." → "which includes a feature from rapper T.I."
  • "His lyrical content on the remix is reflective." I personally don't think this is needed for the lead.

Background and recording[edit]

  • Do we need to say "Paul Wall" every single time? Can it just be shortened to Wall?
  • ""Sittin' Sidewayz" (2005) and he thought" → "Sittin' Sidewayz" (2005). However, he thought"
  • "despite liking them, deciding to save the verse" → "despite liking them, and decided to save the verse"
  • I think you can ditch most of the first paragraph after ""to get Punk'd."" It starts to read more like a narrative rather than an encyclopedia article. I would keep the last sentence, and reword it to "After recording the collaboration, Wall recalled that he did not believe it was included on Late Registration until DJ Drama contacted him.[2]"
  • "revealed her not featured.[3] West revealed" Change second 'revealed' for variety
  • "with him, which was a result of her being "really busy;"" → "with him, due to her being "really busy;"
  • "though Paul Wall filled in for her appearance on the song" → "though Wall filled in for her appearance"
  • "features GLC and contains additional" remove "contains"

Composition and lyrics[edit]

  • "with syrup influences." what does this mean?
  • "The track includes elements of jazz, which were described as being mashed with "narcotic funk."[8][9][10]"
  • Shouldn't it be "Which was"?
  • I would say who described it in this way
  •  Done for both but only identified the publication since it is not notable here the name of the reviewer because its not reception
  • "The track features a light "effortless" beat groove.[6]" Change this sentence to something like "Its beat and groove were described by ____ of _____ as "light" and "effortless"" or something similar. Right now the paragraph just reads like a bunch of bullets thrown together.
  • If you're going to mention the RPM in the slowed section, I would say what the normal RPM is earlier
  • "In the lyrics of the song," → "In the lyrics,"
  • "by fame, wealth and luxury." Add comma after 'wealth' (American grammar)
  • "person called Mali," → "person named Mali," not entirely necessary, but I think it sounds more formal
  • "In a performance that was called "hypnotic,"" By whom?
  • "Certain lyrics of the song" → "Certain lyrics" you don't need to say "of the song" so much

Release and promotion[edit]

  • "The song was included as the eleventh track" I would add 'also' or 'later' before 'included'; either would work
  •  Done

Reception[edit]

  • Comment: "who generally praised the lyrical content." well of course; "My car's like the movie, my car's like the crib/I got more TVs in here than where I live/And that don't make no sense, but baby, I'm the shit" might be the greatest rap lyric of all time xD
  • While writing my first FA, I was told that these reception sections need to flow well and not read as just a bunch of bullet points. One instance I think this is the case is "Entertainment Weekly critic David Browne opined that the song "starts with West spinning childhood stories," before "guest rappers overtake him."" I would move this to a spot where others praise the featured artists and maybe say something about how Browne thought both of them were superior; kinda like how it's always a debate over who in "Monster" was better: Kanye or Jay-Z but everyone agrees Nicki Minaj was the standout. I would check out WP:RECEPTION for further assistance.
  •  Not done I know what you are trying to get at here, but this part is directly after the mentions of Paul Wall's verse that are the only references to guest rappers --K. Peake 08:20, 6 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Going along with the previous comment, I would start the second para with a general summary, such as "Other reviewers praised the music itself" as this para seems to be more about the music
  • "the song's speed is cranked down "in a furtive nod to the 'chopped and screwed' craze," which de-emphasizes "the sound's druggy haze" while "seemingly aiming for a thoughtful brood." I think this whole bit belongs in the comp section. Seems out of place here
  • "Despite being a critical success, the song had a lack of airplay; West himself admitted this.[24]" He admitted to what? That he was the reason for the lack of airplay? Or what exactly?
  • I also think this sentence is out of place here. It doesn't always have to directly copy the lead. I'd move it to release and have it be the final sentence there (just remove "Despite being a critical success"). Then you can add that because of this it failed to chart.

Live performance and appearances in media[edit]

  • Fine

Remix[edit]

  • "Speaking of collaborating with T.I. for the remix, West called him" → "Discussing the collaboration, West called T.I."
  • Is there a reason it never received an official release?
  • When did the video premiere?
  • "West collaborator Hype Williams directed the visual, which was shot after the song had been recorded.[2]" This is kind of a no-brainer as most music videos are shot after; when you say "directed the visual" do you mean the whole thing? If so, I'd just remove this entire sentence and change the prev sentence to "An accompanying music video, directed by West collaborator Hype Williams, premiered on MTV;"
  • "Paul Wall said of following on from working on the song by collaborating with Williams on the music video," That's a gigantic mouthful. Change to "Wall said of his collaboration with Williams:"
  • " both of which are in Nevada" change this to just "in Nevada". If you don't like that, maybe try "It was filmed at multiple locations in Nevada, including Reno and the Fremont Street Experience in downtown Las Vegas."
  • Who is Mari?
  • This section in general seems out of order. Feel like "The music video features cameos from Paul Wall and T.I.[29]" should be mentioned before "that's a highlight of any artis[t's] career."
  • My thing is reading the section it threw me off reading Paul Wall's comment before I even knew he was in it at all. Maybe move his comment after the cameos sentence. – zmbro (talk) 23:25, 6 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Have revised this; Paul Wall's comment belongs at the start because it gives background on his involvement with the video but the fact he has a cameo should be mentioned at the start of the second para, though should the cameos that are also written about in detail be mentioned in this sentence? --K. Peake 06:51, 7 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "At two minutes and four seconds in, the Reno Arch is shown." This seems odd to say about an unreleased music video. Maybe just say "The Reno Arch makes an appearance at one point."?

Track listing[edit]

  • Do we have any track lengths available?

Credits and personnel[edit]

  • Looks good

Release history[edit]

  • Looks good

References[edit]

  • Is ref 3 an RS?
  • Taking a look at the source, you can see that there are separate parts of the website for editorials/columns and the community, as well as the article having an author that is clearly split from the comments anyone can write; this all signifies an RS --K. Peake 06:51, 7 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • You can remove Chicago on ref 10
  • Italicize all uses of Late Registration in ref titles
  • Ref 21: Make sure "Drive Slow" isn't italicized – add ''" "'' to the ends
  • Rm New York City from ref 19 (not needed)
  • Italicize The Peoples Champ in ref 20 and 26

Final thoughts[edit]

  • Overall not too bad. I may have further thoughts regarding the remix section but I wanna hear your thoughts about it first before I say anything else. Should be a GA in no time :-) – zmbro (talk) 00:52, 6 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
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