Talk:Dude Ranch (Modern Family)/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 15:45, 4 October 2011 (UTC)

Having seen the episode, I believe the GAN is a bit premature, considering it only aired a few weeks ago. I'm not sure what the time limit should be, but under a month seems too recent for any GAN. However, seeing as that's inactionable, I'll focus on what can be improved.

• "The episode revolves around the three families go to a dude ranch in the first part of the one hour season premiere." - that's a bit grammatically awkward. I think you meant to say "going" instead of "go", but I wasn't sure.
• ""Dude Ranch" received positive reviews from critics with many praising Nolan Gould's performance with Alan Sepinwall calling him the MVP of the episode." - I was a little confused, as that implies Nolan Gould performed with Alan Sepinwall. I think it'd be good to mention the character's name, since I'm not sure that people who know the show know the actor's name (I didn't)
• "The episode also became the highest rated and most viewed episode of the series and ranked as the highest-rated ABC series for the week of broadcast and fourth overall.' - that's a bit of a run-on (three "and"s). Also, I don't get the "fourth overall" part
• "The three families travel to a dude ranch in Wyoming." - for someone who knows nothing about the show, that means nothing. It should be written out-of-universe style. It's also a weak way to start a paragraph.
• "Gloria (Sofia Vergara) experiences hearing difficulty following the plane ride while a cowboy, Hank (Tim Blake Nelson), flirts with her which Jay (Ed O'Neill) takes notice off, but Gloria doesn't notice." - aside from being a run-on, you might want to mention that the cowboy is a special guest. Otherwise, there is no distinction between the show's regulars. In addition, I believe you meant "takes notice of" (off doesn't really work there), but I wasn't sure what you were going for.
• You mention Jimmy in the infobox but never once again in the article. I'm assuming he's the boy who flirts with Alex.
• "Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) and Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) reveal that they are adopting a boy from America, while Mitchell worries that he won't be able to do all the father/son things because of his sexuality and his inability to do "manly" stuff like catching and shooting." - this is also a bit of a run-on. Try splitting after "America" (and, considering WP is read across the world, you might want to specify United States). Also, "be able to do all the father/son things" feels very unprofessionally written.
• "blows up a birdhouse with a firecracker with Luke (Nolan Gould)" - I feel that could be written better, namely that it should avoid the two "with"s
• "tags along on the trip" - unprofessional
• "She attempts to when proposes to Haley (Sarah Hyland) around the campfire one night which causes Claire (Julie Bowen) to instantly say no for Haley leading to Dylan running away." - "to when proposes"? The end portion is long and not the best written.
• I think it should be mentioned that Haley reveals to Claire that she wouldn't have accepted the proposal. Otherwise, it's just kinda out there
• "Also, Hank grabs Gloria's butt leading to Jay coming to tell him to back off, which he does." - that feels extremely out of nowhere (not to mention it could've been phrased better)
• The production section works well.
• "6.1% of all 18–49 years olds, and 15% of all 18–49 year olds" - could you find a way to avoid the redundancy?
• In the following sentence, you switch to saying "percent" as opposed to %. Try and go for consistency
• Also, "a 18" - was that deliberate" Shouldn't be "an 18"?
• How was the episode similar to Halloween? In thematic development? In character interactions? I don't really see a similarity personally.
• "He also noted that his favorite moment "had to be Jay's struggles with the horse" and called Jay the MVP of the episode, saying Ed O'Neill deserved to win the Emmy over Ty Burrell." - I'd avoid the second "Jay". Also, how vital is that quote? Can't you just paraphrase it?
• The last paragraph feels out of place. Some reviewers felt it was better, some worse than the 2nd episode. Maybe mention those bits next to each other? Also, why does the lede focus on Luke being called an MVP, when Jay is likewise considered an MVP?

Going back to it being too soon, I feel there needs to be more context on the episode in the show's (or at least season's) history. That will only come with some more time. I'm sorry, but I'm going to fail it, but it shouldn't be hard to fix up. Feel free to nominate again, maybe in a few months. Let me know if you have any questions. Cheers! --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 15:45, 4 October 2011 (UTC)