Talk:Edward Thomas Daniell/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Lizzy150 (talk · contribs) 13:58, 14 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I'll gladly review this article! At a first glance, it looks great and there's very few issues. Here are my comments after a first read.. Feel free to oppose certain points if you have a different opinion.

Lead section

"his father died of cancer when he was an infant. The boy was brought up by his widowed mother, who never remarried" - do you think it's too early to mention this in the lead? This might be more appropriate in the early life section. Also, instead of "The boy", why not "He was"?

Done

"Whilst he was recuperating there, a second attack of the disease, combined with heat stroke, proved fatal." - why not try placing "he died" in that sentence? For example, I would write: Whilst he was recuperating, he died from a second attack of the disease combined with heatstroke.

Done

"Daniell had no need to exhibit his works, and exhibited few paintings in his lifetime." - doesn't that sound a bit contradictory? He did exhibit some works. Why not just write: Daniell exhibited very few paintings in his lifetime.

Done

Background

"Although Daniell is considered to belong to the Norwich School of painters" - we've already established that he belongs to the Norwich School in the first paragraph. Is it necessary to mention it again?

Done

Life

"Little has been recorded of Edward Daniell's early life", "When Edward Daniell visited Rome and Naples" and possibly other sections further down - is it necessary to state his first name? Why not just his surname?

Done

"Travels around Scotland, Ireland and the Continent" - I would've thought this title should state his travels in order, eg. Europe first, then Scotland and Ireland.

Done

Just curious, do we know why "he was rather short of money"? Was it from travelling, debts?

Done

"Written in a relaxed fashion, the letter.." - what does 'relaxed fashion' mean and is that just your opinion?

Done

"now in preserved in the British Museum" - is there a typo there, now in preserved?

Done

"During this time Daniell wrote to his friends to relate to them his discoveries (e.g. the sites of Olbia, Appolonia and Lyrbe)." - what does that mean? Also, write "For example" rather than "e.g."

Done

"He travelled to Adelia" - is it spelt Adelia or Adalia? There's two variations of the spelling in some places.

Done

"Unfortunately he chose to leave Adalia" - is that your opinion that he "unfortunately" chose to leave? Perhaps let the reader decide if it was unfortunate or not!

Done

"after unwisely sleeping on the front terrace" - again, is that your opinion that he "unwisely" slept on the front terrace?

Done

I couldn't fault much of the article beyond here; I love the gallery! I'll add any further comments below. Thanks, Lizzy (talk 13:58, 14 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@Amitchell125: Thanks for the prompt updates. Here are my final comments:

"Beecheno related that he was "buried beneath an ancient granite.." - is 'related' the right term here, or did you mean 'recalled'?

Done

"Beecheno, in his E.T. Daniell: a memoir, related that on one occasion Turner was asked.." - same again, did you mean 'recalled'?

Done

"Linnell was a frequent quest at Daniell's rooms in London." - did you mean 'guest'?

Done

"his social class and career as a parish priest acted to prevent him from earning a living from his etchings.." - but did he ever want to be a professional painter and earn a living from it? Do we know - or perhaps he just wanted to be a priest for stable income?

Done

Everything else appears to be well-written in prose. Plenty of supporting literature/verifiable sources. No copyright violations detected. Appears to be broad, neutral and stable. Well-illustrated with images from the public domain. Thanks, Lizzy (talk 18:56, 15 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

All completed, but the last point was trickier, and you might want to tweak it if you feel the prose isn't quite right. Daniell was in a different social class from most of his contemporaries, and was free to paint, draw and etch without the need to obtain commissions. Thanks for spotting some glaring errors! Amitchell125 (talk) 21:00, 12 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I see, it looks fine and makes sense now. Happy to pass this as a GA! Thanks, Lizzy (talk 23:26, 15 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]