Talk:French fry vending machine/GA1

GA Review

Reviewer: Carbrera (talk · contribs) 01:32, 04 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, I am Carbrera, and I'll be reviewing this article for possible good article submission.

Full review coming very soon. Carbrera (talk) 01:32, 04 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Advance notice – Just so you know in advance, when creating and expanding this article, I "used up" most of the reliable source coverage about the topic that is available online. Some sources essentially report the same content in different manners. Additional websites are available, but do not constitute Wikipedia's definition of reliable sources. North America¹⁰⁰⁰ 04:13, 4 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

The part about "It appears that..." sounds a bit odd in its current state; could you reword this?

I have edited the lead to address this matter. North America¹⁰⁰⁰ 19:40, 5 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The second sentence sounds a bit repetitive to me, as you use "developed" and "prototypes" twice in this sentence; could this also be reworded?

I have edited the lead to address this matter. North America¹⁰⁰⁰ 18:41, 5 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Brands, manufacturers and prototypes

Historical

There was a chip vending machine at our local Esso garage on Queens Drive Liverpool in the early 70's, I was very young so I don't have any other details, apart from it existed. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 195.188.214.112 (talk) 09:15, 6 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

I also remember using a chip vending machine outside a launderette on a parade of shops in Heston, West London, UK, circa 1968-69. The machine didn't last very long - maybe a matter of months - but it definitely existed. The two UK references appear to pre-date the Australian machine. Paul Strange (talk) 11:34, 23 February 2019 (UTC) comment added by Paul Strange[reply]

Paragraph 1

Instead of including "now defunct" in parentheses, I would instead say "The now defunct Australian company, Precision Fry Foods Pty Ltd. first designed the "Mr. French Fry" vending machine and registered the design with the Australian government in January 1982." How's that to you?

I have copy edited this sentence, but not quite verbatim as suggested above. Check it out now. North America¹⁰⁰⁰ 18:44, 5 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Paragraph 2

At the very beginning, could you add "A different company,..."?

I added "Another company". North America¹⁰⁰⁰ 18:46, 5 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Contemporary

Paragraph 1

I have noticed that you use "Beyondte Technology" quite a few times throughout this paragraph; I also believe that you could use "the company" or "the producer" in its place to cut down on repetition; of course other words will do as well

The article now only states the full company name in two instances. North America¹⁰⁰⁰ 18:48, 5 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Couldn't you instead say "Customers can choose an accompaniment of mayonnaise, ketchup, or harissa, which is provided in packets, and the machine also dispenses a small fork."? Would that work for you?

Per the source, I have rewritten the sentence to "Customers can choose an accompaniment of mayonnaise or ketchup, and can optionally add harissa, all of which are provided in single-serving packets. The the machine also dispenses a small fork." North America¹⁰⁰⁰ 19:00, 5 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Quite a few of the following statements are singular and not surrounded by anything else; could you combine them to other "statements" so they don't look like a list of information?

I think it may be better to leave it as-is. For example, I found information about Fotolook, s.r.o. after deep source searching. A matter is that if the shorter sentences are combined, it may provide undue weight toward Beyondte Technology, as in, "here's a bunch of information about Beyondte Technology, and then information about other companies, for which less sources are presently available". The section is presently organized alphabetically by company name. North America¹⁰⁰⁰ 19:07, 5 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Paragraph 4

Why is "chips" linked here but not previously, like in the "Historical" section lead?

Copy edited. This was performed to inform the reader that fries are sometimes referred to as "chips". I have added clarification about this in the lead, "also known as chips". North America¹⁰⁰⁰ 19:23, 5 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Please change to "...that was in development for ten years; the machine uses rice bran oil.[13]" This way you will not have to repeat the same source in back-to-back sentences.

I rewrote the sentence to: "After ten years of development, in January 2015 the Hot Chips Company in Perth, Australia released a hot chips vending machine that uses rice bran oil." North America¹⁰⁰⁰ 19:39, 5 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

You should expand on what "chicken salt" is, if possible

Difficult to find more information about this (e.g. searches [1], [2], [3], [4], [5]). It's certain that it's chicken-flavored salt, so I added "which is chicken-flavored salt" to the sentence. North America¹⁰⁰⁰ 19:29, 5 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Paragraph 5

You use "°C" here, but in previous section you spelt it out like "Fahrenheit". I would prefer you use "°F" instead as it looks more clean and cut to me

Done. North America¹⁰⁰⁰ 19:33, 5 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

End of GA Review:

A very good article; I am glad you used your said sources to the fullest! I will put on review for at least seven days, let me know if you need more time considering my suggestions/further changes. Thank you. Carbrera (talk) 01:57, 5 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

It looks very good, I appreciate your contributions! Thanks again very much. Carbrera (talk) 21:35, 5 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]